<p>Gosh, I have no idea what the grading system is at either college my kids attend. Probably because the most signficant aspects of their adjustment to school has never been related to the grades they are getting. The academic adjustment has been greater for son #2 than it was for son #1 simply because he is at a school with some larger lectures. He knew this going in, but now has a better idea of how to make this style of learning work for him. The much more profound issues relate to adjusting to life in America, making connections with peers with very different life experiences, and continuing to define who they are as people-what their values are. </p>
<p>My best friend’s son graduated from a very top LAC last year and did so with very high honors. I think he was basically the top student in his academic department. He had relatively mediocre grades in his freshman year in fact, and soared thereafter. Now that he has graduated it is once again the ‘life experiences and expectations’ issue that creeps in as the challenge in making the next level of adjustment, not his capacity to excel based on external markers of success.</p>
<p>I feel reasonably content with the schools the boys are attending. Both of them are reasonably content as well- which is much more important. I feel they both are being challenged to learn and to define themselves as young adults. Everything else will fall into place! It is not that I feel their grades are irrelevant. They are important to the extent that they will need good ones to go to grad school, and that they appreciate the postive affirmation of their efforts and skills. Just not the most important thing at the moment–</p>
<p>Please don’t misunderstand my question about the grading system…it’s not that it’s the most important thing or than I am judging my son’s experience at Duke by that criterion alone. That would be far from the truth. Yes, he and I BOTH had some very valid (IMHO) concerns about whether he was well-enough prepared for the rigors of an elite college. No one from our high school ever applies to one, so we had no way to make that judgment. Since academics are a HUGE part of college, it was definitely a concern of ours in that we didn’t want him to feel too out of his element–that’s all.</p>
<p>My son was the one who informed me about the grading system. It was more in the way of, “Hey, Mom, did you know that an A- at Duke is a 3.7? I just found that out. Don’t you think that’s weird??” That sort of thing. Neither of us is obsessed with grades. </p>
<p>The only thing I have EVER said to him was as I was leaving from dropping him off in Durham…I told him, “Son, you have just been granted the most precious of gifts. Make the most of it!”–to which he answered, “Don’t worry Mom…I will.” And so he has, at least thus far.</p>
<p>Berurah,
No judgement intended…sorry if implied. There are just different ways that a kid might feel ‘out of their element’- that was the intent of what I wrote. For kids who have grown up in other cultures, the cultural adjustment co-incides with the academic adjustment, and the former is the more significant issue- for every kid I have spoken with who is now home for the holiday. </p>
<p>I think for every kid going away there is a cultural adjustment, don’t get me wrong. It is a matter of magnitude…and relateive significance.</p>
<p>The kids from our high school always feel well prepared for wherever they matriculate- so this was not so much the worry for us. With my eldest son I sat in the room with him as the President of his LAC told us to expect grades in the first semester to be a step lower than a kid would be accustomed to. With son #2 did not have that luxury, so the message has been to not sweat the one not-so-great-grade that will have no long term impact in fact. </p>
<p>I would be much more worried if my son didn’t feel he was starting to make friends (I think it is unrealistic for kids to expect to have ‘good friends’ after 3-4 months myself- in expat lingo there is a phrase- ‘it takes a year to make a friend’- I believe this to be true). I listen carefully when he talks about how the conversations go- about what he thinks about the differences in thinking and awareness between he and his new peers. He grew up in a country where his religion was not just a minority, it is not legal to practice- so that is another way that this has been a profound experience for him- in establishing and defining his identity. It is just different…he knows it, we know it…</p>
<p>We all want our kids to have good transitions, to be happy and successful. It is fine if there are lots of different ways to measure it!</p>
<p>Right…I see what you mean. As a matter of fact, I also wrote about this in my earlier post–about how I was concerned about his fitting in socially with many of the studdents coming from more affluent families. Thankfully, all of my worries re: Duke have been for naught! </p>
<p>One of my D’s classmates is from South Carolina. Her comment about Smith was, “I <em>thought</em> I was liberal until I came here.” I understand both sides of that one. For where she was, she undoubtedly was.</p>
<p>One of my D’s classmates is from South Carolina. Her comment about Smith was, “I <em>thought</em> I was liberal until I came here.” I understand both sides of that one. For where she was, she undoubtedly was.
one of my daughters classmates at Reed was from a tiny rural conservative town in a very rural state. She felt she was very liberal- and she probably was for her town- her aunt who was actually my Ds elementary school teacher ( talk about a small world) was sure that she wouldn’t last a year. However, even though she brought her own unique perspective to the school, she graduated and had a great time :)</p>