<p>Amazing how my one comment about my neighbors’ vet fees took on a life of its own. I agree that $7000 in vet bills is a lot. It was one of those things that happens in life, though. That’s what emergencies are, and why we all talk about the importance of setting aside emergency funds, and why people who are living closer to the edge (economically) can fall off a cliff so easily.</p>
<p>Here’s what I know about those vet fees. This all happened very quickly. The dog is a three year old, mixed breed, lovely animal. Terrific pet, and very much a part of their family. She developed some strange leisions and scabs on her extremities that quickly became terrible. The dog went from eagerly walking 2 miles twice a day to gnawing frantically on her paws to the point of bloody pads and refusing to stand, all within a week. The family tried their regular vet, who tried the simplest diagnoses first, without success. The family ended up taking the dog to a doggy dermatologist (!), who diagnosed an autoimmune genetic disease. During the week that this was going on the family gave the dog a chew thing (a bull *****? Something like that) to distract her from chewing and scratching on her own feet and ears. At a moment when no one was watching her she gulped it down instead of chewing on it. I think there is a connection between the progress of the autoimmune crisis and her digestive system not handling the chewy thing in her stomach. At any rate, the item did not get digested at all. It sat in her stomach and rotted. By the time anyone realized it, she was almost dead, and needed emergency surgery to remove the rotting mass. So, fees to the regular vet, fees to the dermatologist, fees for extensive testing, fees for emergency surgery, fees for a few days spent in the hospital, and fees for a lot of medicine. It added up very quickly.</p>
<p>I’m not sure how many of us would have the objectivity in the midst of all of that to have an otherwise healthy, young dog put down to avoid the vet fees. </p>
<p>The dog rebounded very quickly, is once again eager for her walks, bouncy and healthy. She needs some prescription meds to address the autoimmune disorder, but should live a full life.</p>
<p>We have a very old dog who is in very good health but has an elevated liver enzyme. She could have an ultrasound, see a specialist, etc. We are pondering that. She hates to go to the vet. I mean just is traumatized by it. She is frisky and enjoys her life immensely. Even our vet is sort of lukewarm on, as she puts it, “chasing down this elevated number”.</p>
<p>I’m brushing our dog’s teeth twice a day. Vet says sometimes the liver enzymes are elevated because of gingivitis. My dog absolutely adores having her teeth brushed. I’d rather do that then drive her fifty miles to a veterinary gastroenterologist and subject her to more needles and tests. My dear old dog would think I had suddenly stopped loving her and had decided to torture her.</p>
<p>Too late to edit. I think the progress of the entire issue with the dog was more like two weeks, from the emergence of the first leisions to the emergency surgery. We were out of town for awhile during the middle of it.</p>
<p>Original question - My parents expected me to be their retirement and I was not. They did not plan well, lived for the day, charged me rent for the privilege of living at home while paying for my own college, spent any discretionary income on my sister and squandered all opportunties. They raised me, the woman who makes a good salary each year butbuys her clothing at thrift shops, who has over half a million in retirement savings but can’t afford a new car. They raised me, the woman who will not count on her children for her retirement plan…</p>
<p>As for the pets issue, we have two dogs and a cat. The dogs are 12 and 11 and are in relatively good health. Every couple of years or so, a local vet offers a discount or free check up and I take them, they get their rabies shots at a free clinic. My husband doesn’t believe in heartworm pills and we use flea and tick stuff only if we are taking them somewhere. I have told my husband that I will not pay for expensive vet treatment although I will pay for treatment for things like arthritis and diabetes. I know a family who spent 20K for cancer treatment for their dog and it died anyway. I could pay for a year of state tuition with that money. The pets are pets, not members of the family and we have them only because my husband convinced me it was helpful for the kids not to be scared of dogs like I am.</p>
<p>Original question: My parents have spent a lot of money on me, including my college education. If I’m earning a decent salary by the time my parents want to retire, I couldn’t imagine not helping them out. I guess this doesn’t really happen as much with born-and-raised American families, but where I’m from, the parents generally live with one of their children once they stop working. Throughout my childhood and teenage years, my parents never expected me to get a job or pay for anything on my own. They’ve always been there for anything I need, and I know they’ll continue to be there and wouldn’t deny me any help, financial or otherwise. They’ve never been the type to deny me anything they could afford out of fear of “spoiling” me. So of course I’d like to eventually give back, as unconditionally as they gave to me for so many years. It’s not that I OWE my parents now or that they owed me anything while I was growing up, I just feel that if my family isn’t happy and comfortable, then I won’t be happy. Family comes first, I think.</p>
<p>unctarheels, I think I’ve treated my kids in the same way as yours treated you. I don’t expect them to support us but, in the unlikely event that we needed support, I would expect them to do so, in exactly the same way I would support my parents if they were to need it.</p>
<p>I have a sibling who doesn’t do that well financially – sweet person with poor skills and an unerring ability to make bad choices. I suspect that this sibling will need help in retirement. I have urged my parents to create a trust for the sib so that he doesn’t blow his inheritance in short order, which otherwise is likely. As the most well-to-do of the siblings, I fear I may become responsible for my sib. I don’t really want that, but as you say, unctarheels, family comes first. Although, my support in that case would come with strings attached.</p>
<p>^It would be very difficult for me to pay for my siblings’ retirement due to their bad behavior (wierdly, much more difficult than helping my parents out). </p>
<p>Although I’m sure my poorer sibling would never ask me unless things got very bad. The only time she asked me for money before was when I was in HS and she couldn’t afford baby food. Now if only I could convince her to stop giving me another neice/nephew ever few years…</p>
<p>I would have a very hard time supporting some of my four siblings. One of them manages money well and has been saving regularly for retirement, even when her H has been on layoff at the factory where he works. Another has recently ended an extended period of unemployment (during which time he went back and finished his degree) and is now in his dream job. They have nothing put away, but he works darned hard and is careful with what he has. If one of these two had a crisis, I would want to be there.</p>
<p>OTOH, my other two sibs have, through a long series of poor choices, have lots of debt and no savings, and are perfectly happy to accept handouts from my parents, who need every penny they can get as it is. The self-destructiveness and entitlement on these two sibs’ parts is stunning. </p>
<p>My parents and ILs are of the generation that had pensions – thank goodness, as neither family saved anything until their mid-50s. (I’m talking about not even having a savings account.) DH and I learned the lesson and have been squirreling away since we were married. Living frugally seems to have caught on with my kids.</p>
<p>While I hope and pray my kids will be around for logistical/emotional support as we age (and they both did admirably while I was hospitalized in May-June), I would not dream of asking them for money.</p>
<p>I am glad our folks do NOT consider us their retirement, as dad still works, bringing in income & has one or more pensions and social security as well. Mom also has saved well all her life and a comfortable nest egg. </p>
<p>At this point, all my sibs have the education and skills that they could get & hold a decent job and save for retirement and/or other needs. One sib has chosen not to (quit one job & stopped interviewing recently because she really doesn’t want to work–just wants the benefits). </p>
<p>I am very hopeful that each of my sibs will be able to support themselves–if not, hard to know what would happen next as we are considered poorer than most of my sibs. We are very comfortable and will have a fixed pension with COLA upon H’s retirement that will last his entire lifetime & I will have 55% of that from the time he dies until I die.</p>
<p>HImom, your post makes me nervous for you. No pension is iron clad. I’m in a state where the state pensions simply cannot be funded by the state workers. </p>
<p>CountingDown, I have a sibling who is sort of vulnerable, I think. A late life divorce that left him without health insurance. He is a small business owner who brought in most of the income and his spouse is a teacher who brought in the benefits. She took those when she divorced him. We all worry about him. 32 year marriage.</p>
<p>He’s my brother and I will help him if he needs it. That’s just all there is to it.</p>
<p>Are you sure that the pension plan is properly funded? Many private company pension plans are underfunded and at risk of failing, while many government employee pension plans are the target of angry taxpayers who resent the increasing portion of government budgets being consumed by the pension plans due to past underfunding and declining investments in the economic downturn.</p>
<p>Among politicians who claim to want to cut the budget deficit, the current level of hatred for non-military government employees and pensioners is quite high. A lot of people seem to think that cutting their pay, benefits, and pensions will solve budget problems at all levels of government, without anyone else having to either pay more taxes or take reduced government services or benefits.</p>
<p>So it would not be a good idea to consider any government retirement benefits to be secure.</p>
<p>^I agree, but state and municipal employees will likely get hit way before any possible problems suffered by Federal employees. When the Congress cuts spending, a big part of what gets cut is money paid to states and then states cut, hitting cities. Employee retirement and healthcare spending then becomes a huge, untenable part of their budget. The Federal government wouldn’t feel the pressure to make those cuts until the bond vigilantes get vigilant again and it is not clear when that will happen.</p>
<p>I start with the word family. My husband and I gave my parents luxuries that the couldn’t afford. We supplemented their retirement. Why? Because they were my parents. They gave me what they could when I was growing up (and it wasn’t much) and even as a child my birthday checks were automatically given to them to pay for our lives.</p>
<p>Unfair? No. What mine was theirs and theirs was mine. (I am an only child)</p>
<p>With our kids we gave them life’s advantages. We were able to do for them what my parents couldn’t do for me. We aren’t “needy”, in fact the opposite. But as sure as I write these words I know that they would help us if a calamity occurred.</p>
<p>Why? Because we are a family. Our success/connections/support are always there for them and they for us. I would be devastated if they couldn’t come to us or we to them.</p>
<p>Just a note: One of my daughters has a boyfriend who’s family manufactures custom fixtures for homes. Long time boyfriend saw brochures featuring new custom front doors. Boyfriend casually asked what I liked. I pointed to one and said, “My favorite…but it is$10,000…” He picked up the brochure/wrote the dimensions of our door and said, It’s a done deal. I’ll make it for you." I said no. He said, this is my pleasure…it is what families do for each other." </p>
<p>We, on the other hand babysit the family dog on a frequent basis for days and weeks. It’s called family.</p>
<p>So, before you start saying that its your money I would ask the question…Did my family do for me? Did they sacrifice so that you could have schools, lessons, trips, clothes, cars and insurance? Maybe that is where the debt (or a part of it) came from.</p>
<p>sewhappy, my sibs have more backstory than I’m willing to post here, but the tales are legendary. One of my brothers lost his medical insurance when his spouse left. Mind you, said SIL had good reason to leave…</p>
<p>We do hope that H’s federal pension will remain secure. If it doesn’t, there will be many in much worse shape than us, as we do have significant other assets (investments, IRAs and real estate). I will also qualify for some social security, if that is still funded in the future when I am eligible. It is true that nothing is iron-clad, but the diversity we have with the fixed pension that H is eligible for after his many decades with the federal government, combined with our other assets should make us quite comfortable in H’s retirement. Additionally, I still have marketable skills, as does H & we could still work after he officially retires.</p>
<p>I’ve been watching the news reports of various young Olympians whose families have been or currently are in dire financial straits. The coverage seems to be of the view that the athletes’ success will save their parents. I wonder about that. I’m not sure I would expect my kids’ money to bail me out.</p>