<p>hsmom: We have the opposite situation. The better academic schools (all-boy Catholics around here) are also the dominant athletic powerhouses. So if you want the academic challenge for your boy, you have to prepare him for the fact that he may not make any varsity teams. The schools I have in mind for S are all contending for the state championship in all sports. (Tons of Div 1 scholarships are earned. These boys are good.) Plus, S has an August birthday, youngest in his class, and is destined to grow very late if family genetic patterns hold true. Doesn’t look good!</p>
<p>stickershock, we (h and I) consider ourselves lucky that our boys sort of stuck to one sport, baseball, throughout the elementary/middle school years. I couldn’t have kept up with much more than that! Fortunately, they fell in love with baseball early. Their goal was to make the varsity team and be starting players, nothing more than that (after hs). I don’t know if it has become more competitive than a generation ago, but it certainly is competitive now. Varsity coaches expect the kids to be out on the field after school and most days don’t get home from practice until 7:00. 2 or 3 games a week- if they are away, they’ll be leaving school by 3 and not getting home until 9 or 10, sometimes later. It certainly is a major commitment on their parts. The season starts up at the end of January (we live in Florida) and we’ll be through districts/regionals by the middle of May. If they go on to state, they’ll be playing the week before and possibly ON graduation day! </p>
<p>The payoff for them? I guess it’s a love of the game and the feeling of representing their school.</p>
<p>doubleplay: Have you read Dave Winfield’s new book, “Dropping the Ball…”? I haven’t, but I heard him on NPR and it sounded very interesting. I’m going to try to pick it up.</p>
<p>I have not heard of it. I’ll look it up.</p>
<p>What really is the issue in this is parent involvement or parent ego gratification. It doesn’t have to be sport, it can be music, heck even math and science. There is no one thing that makes a parent lose perspective. Who doesn’t want people cheering their kid’s name? </p>
<p>There is nothing wrong with concentrating on a sport in itself, IF that’s what float’s the kid’s boat. It is not wrong, maybe different than a parent would like or like too much but enjoying a sport is not a crime for a child or young person. What takes thing out of perspective is when the parent loses themselves in their kid’s activities. </p>
<p>Having children focus on a single sport isn’t evil, as long as perspective is maintained. </p>
<p>What I believe is the early childhood years should be the sampling years. Try different things, see what sticks. The early teen years can then be spent in developing the sport(s) they find enjoyable. If they don’t enjoy it, they should be allowed to drop it, but encouraged to try something new. </p>
<p>As a parent we have to watch oursleves against complaining about a kid who takes a spot or plays more than our kid. Why? because in many ways, it’s no different than someone scoring more on a math test. Should we complain about that kid too?</p>
<p>Having a 16 year old gymnast, who has been doing gymnastics since she was 4 and loves her sport, I feel the need to defend gymnastics. Yes, there are coaches who push kids to compete hurt, and to stay overthin but that is not the majority of the sport. There are competitive gymnasts of all sizes and ages and abilities. Because it is both an individual and team sport it is ok to have kids who are not “the best” on your team. They can all compete. Team scores are based on the top 3 scores.
All of my daughter’s teammates reached puberty in the normal age range. They are all strong young women. Many have had injuries but no life threatening injuries. The older ones definitely stay with it because they love it. There are some younger kids who seem to be there because their parents push them, but they usually quit as teenagers.
Ellen</p>
<p>Re: Post 25
The whole spectator aspect of sports changes the parent dynamics though. It’s true that the parent of the first chair in the youth orhcestra might be feeling pretty smug about it - but there isn’t the venue to display it, if you know what I mean. Most music parents are stuck twiddling their thumbs at a nearby coffee shop while our kids are at rehearsals or lessons. There isn’t even much interaction between parents of kids in the same studio. And, of course, their performances require silence… :)</p>
<p>“I just spent yesterday at TESC ( evergreen state college) watching my daughter play 5 rugby games”</p>
<p>Em, I just the thought that your D has embraced Rugby. It was my absolute favorite sport to play for alot of reasons. </p>
<p>“However- even in gymnastics, you aren’t having to watch your child run one way, and see another child bigger and heavier slam into her, and then be joined by her teammates and try to see if your daughter is able to protect the back of her neck on the ground.”</p>
<p>I honestly have to tell you it’s the best feeling in the world, both giving and getting. The feeling I would have after matches was just calmness, no stress, just relaxed. The sport has so many social aspects I wish other sports had. When the whistle blows and you look across the field, the “ememy” becomes your brothers (or sisters) as you share a bond. I found no other sport carried that feeling. Having traveled a bit and played overseas, I found that bond of the sport made me a welcome guest in many homes of people I met for the first time. For 80 minutes you’re opposing forces, for life, you’re friends. It’s an aspect other sports could learn. </p>
<p>“I can see why for ( 21+) beer is closely associated with rugby, although I am thinking perhaps the beer should be imibibed beforehand, so they are less prone to injury!”</p>
<p>Beer causes cottonmouth and you can’t breathe… Asprin and Alive and alot of stretching work wonders. Plus the first time you hit the dirt and smell the grass and mud, your muscles relax and 80 minutes later, you have a beer, a song, some food and friendship. I wish your D luck and fun in the game.</p>
<p>H is a Rheumatologist. His practice is filled with 35 - 50 year old ex-athletes who have knee and hip replacements and hurt most of the time. This is not from severe injuries, but chronic overuse and abuse from “super athletes.” Moderation, for the most part, would have prevented the osteo-arthritic condition that resulted in joint degeneration and disability at a young age.<br>
I am a speech pathologist who has seen one too many permanently brain injured kids from repeated concussions. Usually it’s the football coach that wants to win at all costs, the kid who wants to be the star or the parents who are thinking about those college scholarships. No sport is worth the price these kids have paid with their cognitive skills permanently damaged.</p>
<p>"the parent dynamics "</p>
<p>That the key to it all. A parent has to be willing to check their ego at the door.</p>
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<p>Hey now, as a native Minnesotan, and one who grew up playing hockey in perhaps the most hockey-mad small town in the state (who plays up in the “big boys” division, despite being a public school with graduating classes of about 100 students, and just won the state title yet again), I take offense to that statement! Minnesota actually has some of the most sensible limitations on the number of games played by youth and high school hockey players. Unlike many of their eastern counterparts, our high schools only play about 25 regular season games, which easily allows the players to be involved in other fall & spring sports. There has actually been quite a bit of criticism that these limitations have hindered the state’s development of truly “elite” players, and some kids do leave to play juniors or for the national development team, but the high school league has held firm to this ideal of keeping the season relatively short, about 4 months.</p>
<p>StickerShock – he has been lucky to find an excellent private school that is small enough that everyone plays (of course – they aren’t an athletic powerhouse!). It is a perfect match – if only he gets in!</p>
<p>My son really seems to enjoy the team aspect, the competitiveness and actually doing something physical. So far the only sport he really does well in (consistently placing first at meets) is the shotput in track. He is a big kid (7th grade, 5’8" and 160#) but we won’t allow him to play football – I have just seen too much damage later in life from kids who played football (even if they only playing in high school).</p>
<p>My younger son played baseball for three years in a very competitive little league. The experience was horrible! he was an ok player – not the worst, but not the best. he was called names and spit on – and that was by his coach and teammates (somehow, they thought this would motivate a 7 year old). We tried different coaches and teams before allowing him to quit team sports altogether – and he now hates any type of team sport with a passion!</p>
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<p>I don’t mean this as a judgment on your parenting decisions by any means, but don’t you think that is a bit extreme, particularly if your S shows the desire and aptitude to play football? I would think that he is entitled to some say in his extracurriculars as he becomes older.</p>
<p>So many boys are caught up in the mystique of playing high school football or basketball. Popularity, scholarships… </p>
<p>While I don’t necessarily think hsmomstef should prohibit her 7th grader from playing football, if I were her, I would do as much as I could to help him develop an interest in a life-time sport, such as running, tennis, golf, swimming and discourage sports that are caught up in the craziness associated with high school athletics. He already does will with the shotput and that’s a plus. </p>
<p>Also, kids think that they will stay strong and healthy forever. They don’t see the middle aged crippled men who have had their knees replaced and their backs injured. Parents need to guide their kids to make good choices about their futures. Unfortunately, many parents have bought in to the high school football/basketball craze, living vicariously thru their offspring!</p>
<p>art – it may be extreme, but I stand by my decision. I cannot tell you the number of adults now in their 40’s and 50’s who have terrible knee injuries from playing football. New research is also indicating that football may play a part in early onset dementia. And the orthopedic surgeons I talk to do not suggest allowing a child to play football.</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/14/sports/football/14wives.html?ex=1176868800&en=f1c8538ba6857397&ei=5070[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/14/sports/football/14wives.html?ex=1176868800&en=f1c8538ba6857397&ei=5070</a></p>
<p><a href=“http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/01/21/SPG6JNM6MN1.DTL[/url]”>http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/01/21/SPG6JNM6MN1.DTL</a></p>
<p>there are tons more articles – those are just a few.</p>
<p>For my son, I have to weight the pros and cons. Pros – fun to play on a team, look good to girls, wear a cool uniform, be the big man on campus. Cons – permanent physical and mental damage.</p>
<p>to me it is a simple choice. And yes, he does have some say in his extracurricular activities – but as the parent, I still have the final say. I won’t let him surf internet porn or ski naked either.</p>
<p>blucroo – thanks for the post. right now, it isn’t an argument with him. He has been approached by several coaches wanting him to play football and he talks to me about it. I told him I didn’t want him to play because of the damage and he says ok. If he was totally gung ho, reading football magazines and dreaming of playing then I might at least look into it more. Right now, he is happy tossing the football around before school.</p>
<p>We do encourage sports in both our kids – lifelong sports in particular. My younger son does cross-country skiing, kayaking, track, basketball when he can, and tons of hiking. He really enjoys team sports – they are just really limited at his school (only track, basketball and wrestling – and wrestling can only be done if you don’t do drama).</p>
<p>Art, no disrespect intended. I love hockey! What I meant was that in NJ, we don’t usually have a frozen lake or pond where the kids can get together & shoot the puck around. All our hockey is very structured, as it involves arenas. So a kid getting on the ice 7 days a week here has a very involved, often dilusional parent pushing him or her.</p>
<p>My D likes to go for the gusto
luging, snowboarding, surfing, now scuba and rugby.
I know she will do what she wants once she is out of the house, but my approach is to allow her to do these things, while I can monitor them- somewhat
I don’t push her by any means- but I do support her in taking risks & have found that for her- physical risks are less scary than emotional ones, but they give her confidence in other parts of her life.</p>
<p>I have come to the conclusion that while risks should be assessed and weighed, there are worse things than broken bones</p>
<p>Joint replacement in young middle aged ex-athletes can often be a direct result of steroid use (think Bo Jackson.) WIth the exception of the rare freak accident, reasonable & sensible athletic activity should not cripple anyone.</p>
<p>Bah - every sport can take a toll on young (or old) bodies, even “lifelong” sports such as track or basketball. Very easy to ruin your knees from the pounding of repetitive running or injure a shoulder from putting a heavy shot. Moreover, you are citing studies and statistics of NFL veterans that played many years of competitive football at the highest level, a far cry from H.S. sports.</p>
<p>Opie is right about parent egos. It’s also best to let kids try everything & gravitate toward what suits them. Although I do admit that if I only had known what a pain the hockey hours were, I’d have really pushed basketball. Hockey entails an enormous bag full of stinky equipment, early morning trips before the birds are chirping, & huge league fees. Basketball entails a pair of sneakers & a hoop in the driveway. However, son is built like a tank and has no jumping ability. At least he’s good at setting picks!</p>