<p>My son solved the IM problem to his satisfaction by setting up two AIM accounts. I knew his screen name for one but not the other. So if he wanted to be chatting without having me bug him, he’d log on to the one I didn’t know. He could always leave the other one open with an away message that would let me & others know he was busy. Pretty soon we all had 2 AIM screen names, because I had the same problem of being annoyed by coworkers and casual acquaintances who wanted to chat at inconvenient times… it was just easier to have an open mode and a stealth mode.</p>
<p>In any case, we had a clear understanding that if I IM’d him and he replied “too busy”… I’d get the message and leave him alone. </p>
<p>I don’t think I’ll be IM’ing my daughter because we’ve fallen so much into the text messaging habit - and being able to catch her on the ever present cell phone is so much better than IM, which only works if she is actually on the computer. 
But I’m not the stalker type of mom, and my daughter insists tht she doesn’t mind getting text messages at any time of day or night. </p>
<p>The thing about our casual contact approach is that it is very possible for us to talk 3 or 4 times in one day, and then go a week without talking. I know I have fallen into this habit with my son – every once in awhile I realize I haven’t talked to him for a couple of weeks, and then I give him a call just to connect up. But its something I have to remind myself to do… certainly not an obsession.</p>