Asian parents

[usna_reject]

<p>My mom’s side of the family is Chinese. My cousin is studying for pre-med which is good for him. I just don’t like how my aunt and uncle for paying extra for him have his own dorm room. Not that I want him to have any bad influences, but I hope he makes some friends. </p>

<p>And my mom’s friend since grade school in chinatown, her older son is doing fine in college but the younger one just graduated high school and wants to join the Marines. They called in yesterday pretty p!ssed.</p>

[aisgzdavinci]

<p>My parents are the usual Chinese stereotypical. Trying to make me get straight As (I have done it like 10 times already), limiting my social contact with teachers and friends.
Feels like that I have no more self confidence anymore…</p>

[k_amp_s]

<p>

I’ve discovered that Asian parents are domineering, require you to achieve a superb GPA, and sometimes have no idea about the college admissions process. </p>

<p>Because Asian parents are so tyrannical, won’t that have an adverse effect on the student’s personality such as being afraid to make mistakes?</p>

<p>Yes, I’m also Asian, and yes, I believe my personality has changed (in a negative way unfortuneately).

</p>

<p>Ughhh!!! </p>

<p>You are WAY overgeneralizing.</p>

<p>Yes - there are SOME Asian parents like that - predominantly those who are immigrants who have sacrificed everything (usually working menial jobs) to give their children a better chance (and there are groups such as Hmong, etc. - where there isn’t a culture of using education as a means of social advancement), but this isn’t any different from other immigrant parents (such as immigrant African parents).</p>

<p>For established 2nd, 3rd, 4th gen Asian parents or affluent or professional immigrant parents - yeah, there is still “pressure” - but not any different from demanding WASP or Jewish parents.</p>

<p>

That was my only point, and I raise it because it is a continual issue on these boards that does not go away, and continues to be reported as a dynamic in Asian families. (Pressure to attend “the best,” out of fear that anything else will have a permanent economic effect on the student. I’m only reporting what the Asian students report, btw, not concluding something that is not there to conclude.)

</p>

<p>It’s a “dynamic” in some Asian families - particularly those where the parents are immigrants and aren’t affluent (this same dynamic also applies to many immigrant families from Africa and the Carribean and it doesn’t seem to “hurt” them at all).</p>

<p>Btw, the majority of Asians at the top universities come from fairly affluent backgrounds.</p>

[epiphany]

<p>I’m sure it’s not a dynamic in all Asian American families, but it’s surely there in some abundance, given the frequency of new postings about it (& new affirmations of those postings) every year on CC, as well as such families I run into every year in teaching. Whether it tends to predominate among the non-affluent, I don’t know. I’ve seen it a lot in middle class families, certainly, as well as, yes, recent immigrants not yet economically established.</p>

[k_amp_s]

<p>

I’m sure it’s not a dynamic in all Asian American families, but it’s surely there in some abundance, given the frequency of new postings about it (& new affirmations of those postings) every year on CC, as well as such families I run into every year in teaching. Whether it tends to predominate among the non-affluent, I don’t know. I’ve seen it a lot in middle class families, certainly, as well as, yes, recent immigrants not yet economically established.

</p>

<p>Gee, I guess it never occurred to you that Asian kids with less-demanding parents don’t have the need to “vent”.</p>

<p>Btw, why don’t you enlighten us on how this is seen as a negative for kids of Asian immigrants and yet, isn’t seen as a problem for kids of African or Caribbean immigrants during the admissions process?</p>

[rkebunny]

<p>i have Korean Parents.</p>

<p>Korean parents are probably (in average) the parents that are</p>

<p>most concerned about his/her daughter/son’s education.</p>

<p>They do push me a lot and tells me to do my best, and it does get</p>

<p>a little bit frustrating at times, but i guess it’s better than them being</p>

<p>indifferent.</p>

[enderkin]

<p>The main problem I have with Asian parents is that they tend to cluster together and share each other’s grades, scores, and achievements. You know how neighbors talk about their gardens and landscaping? Asian moms talk about their kids. Only their kids. When someone has a better SAT score than the rest, all of the mother hens smile politely and return to their homes with 4 SAT review books and the intention of raising their child’s now-sub-par score. The worst is when they find someone with a perfect score-you can’t beat them, so you can never quite satisfy your parents. It really becomes very irritating, because it lends to the idea that all Asian kids are focused on the same things-grades and scores.</p>

<p>This is just in my experience.</p>

[TooRichForAid]

<p>That does sound familiar. I remember when my kid was in elementary school, some parents told me other kids were picked as GATE and their kids were not.</p>

[epiphany]

<p>Gee, I guess it never occurred to YOU, k&s, to answer with civility instead of sarcasm. As always, you are the first to inject sarcasm & nastiness into the discussion. It was not present, actually, until you entered. Every other poster was merely sharing honestly & rather openly. And as always, you prefer scapegoating me than answering to the <em>OP</em>, whoever that may be, in whatever discussion. </p>

<p>Take up the matter of your last paragraph with the OP, who brought it up as a “negative.” (Not I.)</p>

<p>So I’ll turn it around to you: Why don’t you enlighten us all as to why you feel compelled to spew forth bitterness about practically any topic that touches on being Asian, regardless of how it is presented, who presents it, and whether the discussion is even neutral, a question, etc. Nobody was critcizing you, yet you seem to feel the need to attack others, especially me. I think you have a problem, major.</p>

[Bennie]

<p>Be careful what you wish for. I grew up the child of two Norwegians (the domesticated American kind). Like all Norwegian parents, they were hard of hearing, generally mildly confused, and apt to nod in smiling agreement to just about anything. The weather was always “nice out,” and other people, including the obvious a-holes, were “real nice.” Food was as white and tasteless as the plate it was served on, and it was always consumed without complaint. I am a relative failure, of course (for Norwegians, not even failure can be completely committed). If they had just shown a little edge, I coulda been somebody.</p>

[phoenix17]

<p>Alright, I am not Asian, but one of my good friends is Asian(Chinese) w/ perfect stats (as in 2400, all 5s on six APs by end of junior year, etc.). His parents are extremely demanding, but he still keeps it real. If you really want to laugh at asian parent antics,</p>

[phoenix17]

<p>Sorry…then go to youtube and type in “crazy Asian Mother” …hilarious</p>

[lobgent]

<p>*Stumbling around on CC, finds interesting thread, looks at last post, recognizes poster, notes that he is referencing me…"</p>

<p>Hahaha! Thanks for the nod, phoenix (unless you’re talking about the other Asian with the 2400 at our 99.375% caucasian school).</p>

<p>Yes, I pompously concede that I “keep it real.” But I’d like to note that my parents aren’t very demanding, contrary to what phoenix said. Unlike the stereotypical parents the OP had in mind, mine tend to be pretty easygoing when it comes to academics. In general, they simply tell me to do well and leave it at that, unless there’s a “significant” exam coming up – think SAT – in which case my mom ups the ante by making a really BIG breakfast (including a boiled egg and a Nutella sandwhich). In fact, I had to tell my dad about 12 times what MONTH I was taking my AP exams, and then two weeks after they were all done, he rather idiotically asked me when my AP Euro exam was going to be. I suppose he fails the “Asianness” test pretty badly, but I’m glad he does. </p>

<p>With regards to the OP’s question – I have no evidence other than that of the anecdotal type, but it seems to me like most Asian parents fall somewhere in between my fairly lax parents and the Draconian overlords you described. I hate to generalize, but most Asian parents with whom I’m familiar tend to encourage good grades and high SATs, but they also understand that a kid is a kid, and he needs to do things other than study for the next AP test. My anecdotal evidence encompasses a wide range of parents, including those of a Presidential Scholar, and those of a student who barely pulled a 22 on his ACT. </p>

<p>Also, in response to enderkin’s observation about “hen”-like Asian mothers – haha, yeah I know what you mean. Leaving the SAT Chem test, the first thing I saw was a group of three Asian mothers huddled together complaining about their students’ lack of motivation, inability to concentrate, etc. But I also noticed that one mother (yes, I eavesdrop; watch out) was reprimanding the other two for being too harsh on their kids. She said, essentially, in Mandarin of course, what is too oft forgotten by hard-driving parents, whether Asian or European or American or Antarctican or Plutonian: that kids need to be able to have fun and pursue the activities they love.</p>

<p>Even if there is a sort of general high-stakes mentality present in Asian parents, I think it will slowly dissipate within the next few decades. The part of the Asian-American community formed of post-Cultural Revolution immigrants is giving way to a community of college graduates and workers who have grown up in America; the idea that the strength of one’s academic background is the final say on one’s future should slowly shrivel up as this cultural integration continues.</p>

[bobmallet1]

<p>asian parents at the best! It’s because of them why so many asian americans are successful and making big bucks as doctors, dentists, etc…</p>

[stargirl90]

<p>THIS IS NOT TRUE. I’m from an affluent Asian family, and I feel that my parents don’t push me at all. They make me feel comforted, and sure they want the best for me, but they aren’t driving me crazy. I feel like I push myself more than my parents for personal reasons and realizations of my own.</p>

<p>I have met insane, pushy Caucasian parents…MANY times!! Chinese parents are the worst (i’m NOT chinese). I know this from experience.</p>

[PKswmr76]

<p>^ mere exceptions… also, are your parents immigrants?</p>

<p>my parents were more nervous than i was about my SAT scores…that’s saying something</p>

[k_amp_s]

<p>epiph –

Gee, I guess it never occurred to YOU, k&s, to answer with civility instead of sarcasm. As always, you are the first to inject sarcasm & nastiness into the discussion. It was not present, actually, until you entered. Every other poster was merely sharing honestly & rather openly. And as always, you prefer scapegoating me than answering to the <em>OP</em>, whoever that may be, in whatever discussion. </p>

<p>Take up the matter of your last paragraph with the OP, who brought it up as a “negative.” (Not I.)</p>

<p>So I’ll turn it around to you: Why don’t you enlighten us all as to why you feel compelled to spew forth bitterness about practically any topic that touches on being Asian, regardless of how it is presented, who presents it, and whether the discussion is even neutral, a question, etc. Nobody was critcizing you, yet you seem to feel the need to attack others, especially me. I think you have a problem, major.

</p>

<p>LOL!!! The only person expressing BITTERNESS is YOU.</p>

<p>But that’s understandable since I’ve been able to poke huge holes in many of your assertions and “theories” – meanwhile, you never have ever addressed any of my questions (funny how that is).</p>

<p>Case in point.</p>

<p>

some (too many) believe that ‘being successful’ is predicated upon attending particular few Universities and no others. This is not the way it works in the U.S.A, regardless of how it works in China, Japan, Korea. There are only a handful of careers for which attending particular institutions is a significant aid to becoming established in that career; most of those careers are ones in which these same students are not interested. This is why the whole unnatural focus is such a ridiculous waste of energy & angst. In fact, in many cases it may be a career boost or professional/grad school boost to attend lesser known colleges where the student will be a major star in research, etc.

</p>

<p>Gee, I wonder why almost 40% of Harvard’s and Columbia’s student body is Jewish and why there are more Asian students than Jewish students at universities like Rutgers.</p>

<p>

mere exceptions… also, are your parents immigrants?</p>

<p>my parents were more nervous than i was about my SAT scores…that’s saying something

</p>

<p>You have to differentiate btwn immigrants parents (particularly those who aren’t affluent) and other Asian parents – after all, many immigrant parents (from Africa, the Caribbean, Eastern Europe) care deeply about their children’s education.</p>

[Mister_Sinister]

<p>My mother is Korean. That is the worst Asian parent you can possibly get when it comes to education. Education is life to them.</p>

[epiphany]

<p>“funny how that is”… (re post 57)</p>

<p>I don’t “address” your questions for three reasons:
(a) you strike me as an excessively angry person, who vents, spews on CC the same old tired arguments (often against AA, whlie not limited to that topic) – but esp. to those who make cogent points, which includes several posters.
(b) you are not a very intellectually honed debater, in my opinion & experience with student, parent, other adult contributors to CC. Your arguments are emotional and spring from reactionism and rage, and you’re “triggered” when it comes to particular issues.
(c) you engage in a lot of name-calling & insults against those who do not share your views: you’re a put-down artist, and this does not strike me as the purpose of CC, where most people enjoy debating in a civil & (mostly) supportive manner.</p>

[b1gm0ose]

<p>yeah… not all asian parents are TYRANTS
but the ones that are negatively affect their children</p>

<p>cuhs ive seen asians who are willing to do ANYTHING to get that A
cheating, sabotage, whatever…</p>

<p>im asian btw, so dont hate</p>