Hints of superficiality
This was the killer for me to confront because everything I did I was genuinely passionate about, but then again every high school student would say that. Looking back under a microscope, I now see all the subtle stress fractures, all the corners cut and a*es halved that killed me by a thousand cuts. For example,
-I chose Vice Captain in two sports rather than Captain—I justified this to myself because I didn’t have time, but spent as much time on both of them as the captain did xD.
-I *said I started a nonprofit districtwide tutoring program, but didn’t put any procedures in place to keep it growing after I left, never even bothered to get it registered as a real nonprofit even though it would have cost me all of $25.
-I was basically appointed Mathletes captain solely because of my USAMO qual, but I didn’t do anything with it – I could have started my own math competition, or trained my own varsity team, or organized a trip where I took the Mathletes with me to tutor math at the Boys and Girls Club. But I didn’t because I was so busy with other stuff. Despite being mathletes captain, qualifying for USAMO, taking real analysis as a senior, and wanting to go into a math-heavy major to boot, I didn’t mention math a single time.
-I did research in a lab for two years and spent an inordinate amount of that time pressing buttons and loading vials (and browsing facebook while waiting for experiments to finish) for other people’s projects and only started to get involved in the actual design of experiments a month before senior year. And this is what I said I wanted to do in college! If I had taken the initiative and proposed a project of my own, I’d probably be coauthor on papers by now.
I used to think I was sincere, but I have begun to question whether that’s true. This might not be the only reason, or even a major reason I was rejected, but changing these things definitely would not hurt me.
The Biggest Thing
But perhaps the biggest thing, was complacency. I thought just because I “matched” these schools scorewise, GPA-wise, extracurricular-wise, I didn’t have to worry, didn’t have to apply to more safeties. However that caused me to overlook all of the above, which should have been significant moments of pause during the application process.
The final nail in the coffin was when my dad and I sat down and worked out the hard numbers – each school has an acceptance rate of between 5-10%, which is a rejection rate of 90-95%. I applied to 10 schools, so the probability of this happening to me – and the probability of this happening to you if you do what I did – is (0.95)^10 – 60%. I had a 60% chance of getting rejected everywhere and a simple calculation would have told me that when I chose the schools to apply to. I suppose on some level I was aware that this was a possibility but I dismissed it arrogantly, preferring to believe that if I had a good chance at one of them then I had a good chance at all of them. Well it turns out I didn’t have a good chance at any of them.
Looking Ahead
I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching on what’s next for me: for the longest time I’ve alternatively been hoping beyond hope that I’d get off the waitlist at Yale, thinking about taking a gap year and re-applying, or attending UArk with the intent to transfer.
I am infinitely grateful to my guidance counselor who has gone above and beyond the call of duty to contact admissions reps to figure out what went wrong and try to work something out for me. He has literally put his entire reputation and that of my school on the line for me. He has been quite dogged in talking with the Yale regional rep, and finally managed to get a concrete answer beyond the usual evasive elocutions: the rep and my GC went over my application together which I understand is atypical—a testament to my GC’s dedication!—and said I was an “exceptional applicant”, but because of “institutional imbalances” this year I most likely will not be admitted off the waitlist. I saw no point in prolonging it so today I sent an email to Yale thanking them for their consideration and requesting that I be removed from the list.
However, I’ve also come to the realization that while the abovementioned were avoidable weaknesses, these are not weaknesses that I can address in the span of a year. Therefore, I have decided not to take a gap year. If I had to do it again, I probably would have applied to some other strong state schools or liberal arts colleges. There’s nothing that’s sure in college admissions. Duke is far from a sure thing, or Grinnell, or Amherst, or Berkeley, or Tulane. If I apply again, more likely than not I’ll end up in exactly the same place a year from now, except I’ll be a year behind. Or I’ll be choosing between #110 on USNWR and #90 or #80—not worth a year of my life.
I have also decided not to transfer. Say I do get into a “top school”—unlikely as that might be—I’ll probably end up paying $70,000 a year, getting almost no credit and starting basically as a freshman, little better than if I’d taken a gap year. Plus I’d be holding out false hope and not putting my all in my classes here, which isn’t fair to my classmates or my professors. And again, there’s no point in “trading up” to #90 when I can get a perfectly fine education where I’m at. At Ark I’ll max out the 90 credits from APs and dual enrollment and could graduate in a year if I wanted to, paying literally nothing.
If any good has come out of this, it’s that I’ve been humbled. I have been thoroughly disabused of any arrogant illusions I ever entertained that I “deserved better”. The USNWR rank is just a number, made up by a random old guy in a room somewhere who probably went to college before “my kind” were even allowed to enroll. My education is what I make of it–UArk is a great school with plenty of talented people, and I’m grateful to have the opportunity to attend next year.
Go Razorbacks!