Funny stories. I think it depends on your kids maturity level, whether or not they get along and where you live. In our rural area we are far from the neighbor so I wouldn’t feel that comfortable leaving kids alone at night at a young age. During the day is fine. Again, for us it’s more of don’t answer the door. I personally wouldn’t leave even the most mature kid along before 10-11 ( short time only). Also, we made rules around using the stove, shower etc. There’s a rule if you fight while we are away the consequences are doubled. This might be due to remembering my childhood. Sibling fights would be all out when our parents were away.
I was a latchkey kid about 9. My little brother still went to daycare though. It was a different time in the 70s and 80s. My oldest (now 18) was first left alone around 12 (when my youngest was born). I’ve never left the baby alone. He’s now 7.
When I was in elementary school, we came home for lunch. Since the age of 5 my brother made my lunch–he was almost 7 years old–& we walked back & forth to school alone. Many of the kids cooked at a young age. My brother’s friend had to cook most of his meals as both parents were vets (animal doctors) & couldn’t get home early enough to prepare dinner. The friend, then 10 years old, burnt himself with hot cooking oil. Wasn’t a big deal, although it scarred his arms. What was normal decades ago would get the parents locked up today. Area parents were not neglectful, just working all the time.
Yeah, I walked to and from school starting when I was very young, and it was quite a few blocks. I do remember one time when I darted across the street to get to my house and a car was too close! My mom was watching and almost had a heart attack.
I was babysitting 4 kids at age 12. It was a circus, but I did get them all to bed more or less on time.
When first a single parent working evenings (ex traveling) and S was 10, Ds 6, they went to the neighbor’s after school and then came home with a college age sitter. The college students were expensive, and when I got reports of the amount of time watching TV, and not interacting with the kids, and not cleaning the kitchen after dinner, S offered to take over. He was always very responsible, so I paid him to be the sitter instead. They all got along and were proud of their independence. The neighbor was next door in case of emergency however. These were rare evenings, as I worked very part time in those days. You have to know your kid.
Above recommendations mention 17 as an age to leave along for a night or two. I would hesitate on that one, as have known too many kids taking careful advantage of that situation with groups of friends. The few times I had to leave town when my kids were at their dad’s, I gave my neighbors explicit permission to intervene as needed, including calling the police. Now they all laugh about those knocks on the door and peering in the window when the neighbors were checking on parties. The sweet 10 year old and his sisters, were more prudent creatures than the teens they became.
Our neighbors knew when we were out and scared the kids accidentally by knocking on and peering the the window once—never repeated. My kids were very self amusing.
When I was in 7th grade, my mom went back to college and spent many hours visiting her mom in a convalescent home. We were all latchkey at the point. I got a signed blank check every morning. I would walk a mile or so home every day, shop for groceries, do my homework, prepare dinner for our family of 9 and then after dinner help anyone who needed any help with their homework, including typing papers for my mom in college or my older siblings.
When I started HS, I had had enough of cooking for our family and mom had completed her master’s in special ed. I was hired by a family to supervise their kids doing their homework, so I did that for awhile. I also got my first full time summer job—clerical assistant at age 14. I vowed then never to have a similar job.
Ha, I’d forgotten that we used to do that! As the kids got a little older, the younger ones wanted their turn. So we would pay one kid who would be responsible that everything went smoothly.
My kids were fine overnight by themselves by 16, as was I earlier. One of their teachers was married by 17. Many people, including me, move away from home to start college by 17. You should have a good sense by then about whether you can trust them or whether they are likely to exploit the opportunity to party.
It depends on the maturity of the child and to an extent their age. And where you live. I agree with @Creekland that we really overextend childhood in our society and we do all of our kids a disservice by letting childhood go on and on. That said, I’m not saying we should let kids work in factories or have them work instead of going to school. I think my D stayed alone at home around 11?
I fully agree that we don’t need to bring back the workhouses, but there’s a huge distance between that and “can’t get a job until 16.”
We just had lunch at a local Mexican place today. One of the owners had her soon to be third grade son helping her out taking orders and being as much of a waiter as one has with a semi fast food place. We gave the young lad a $5 tip as he took our order (prior to getting food). He gave us terrific service and probably enjoyed every minute of doing so. When school is in session he goes to school. He plays soccer and does other fun things too, but work really is part of life and he enjoys being able to help his family out. Work does not have to = suffering.
I’m 18 now, but I think I was 15 when my parents left me home alone overnight the first time. It was 3 nights while they were with my brother about 3 hours north. Of course, I already had my driver’s license by then, so that made things easier.
I grew up in a smaller town and guess I brought my attitudes to raising my kids. We were off squirrel hunting with .22s at age 12. I knew guys driving 18-wheelers at 14. They had to drive through the night because nobody would rent them a hotel room. My nephew could drive a stick at 11.
Left alone at home while we ran to the store, with instructions not to leave our cul-de-sac: oldest was 8, youngest was age 3. It’s a good neighborhood with a number of kids. We had no problem leaving a 5 year old alone by him/herself.
Left overnight, around 14, 12 and 9. Self-reliance is learned and can be practiced. They all know first aid and CPR. It’s more about have the skills and the decision-making capacity than reaching a certain age.
This. We started leaving our son (only child) home alone for things like supermarket runs around 7-8. I never gave it a thought, and there was never a problem. We let him go to boarding school at 14. From the time he was very little, I always thought of him as independent, well-grounded, and unlikely to do anything stupid. If he ever did anything risky or dangerous, he survived and I was unaware of it.
I was a city kid, walking myself to school by third grade so…8? 9? Taking the subway and bus solo by 6th grade if not earlier. Babysitting other kids at age 10, though generally in my apartment building with my parents home on another floor.
I honestly can’t recall how young my own kids were when I let them be alone. For sure my 1st graders walked to school alone but we lived on the school block at the time - I could see them go from door to door.
Running across the street to a neighbor’s to borrow something is different from going out in the next city over for dinner and dancing, too.
Does this include walking themselves to the elementary school or school bus stop, like what the current parent generation may have done themselves?
If I was just going out to run a few errand, iirc about 3rd grade (8 yrs old,) but I also let him ride his bike to school a mile away spring of first grade. Definitely by age 10 we were leaving him home alone when we went out to dinner/movies, etc.
I was babysitting for infants and toddlers when I was 10.
My kids walked / rode their bike to school alone beginning in 2nd grade, were left home alone during errands beginning around 8 and then overnight at 14 or 15. They could be trusted to take care of the dog and they were not allowed to use the stove or use knives. My brother lives in the same town but not within walking distance. We are not friendly with neighbors. We never had any problems.
I am a strong believer in statistics and logic. The likelihood of anything happening is very very slim. But, you have to know your kids and their capacity for mischief.
So many factors. I starting leaving my kids while I ran quick errands (less than 30 minutes) when they were 9-10. Up to an hour or so at 11 during day light hours. Then for 2-3 hours (which could be dinner out) by 12. My daughter just turned 14 and I think she would be super responsible babysitter now. I did babysit at 11, but hind sight, I’m not sure that was the best idea though it was fine. My kids are almost 4 years apart but my oldest (son) is NOT the babysitter type at all, so I only left them alone together as peers. Had my younger been first, she would have babysat a younger no problem.
In terms of them walking places on their own and using public transit, I based that more on look. My son was so tiny until past age 13 I thought I might get a phone call if he was out in the world on his own. So he was closer to 14. But my daughter, by age 12 looked mature enough to run to the corner store or take the bus (with friends). The did sometimes go down to the park on the next block with friends starting about age 9/10.
I am actually not every a fan of leaving anyone of any age in a car. We live urban. Cars get hit when they’re stationary. Cars are broken into and shorter heads aren’t always easily seen. Cars get hot or cold fast. I almost never let my kids wait in the car at 14 and 17.
I started riding my bike to school, or taking a bus when the weather was bad, in 1st grade, as soon as I could ride a bike. (Well, I learned on Thanksgiving, so it was probably spring before I rode to school.) It was about 3/4 mile, mostly on quiet residential roads, with one large busy street to cross and one smaller busy street to ride along for half a block then cross. The bus ride didn’t follow the same route. It was more roundabout, and required a transfer.
My kids had school bus transportation to and from school through 6th grade. After that, someone usually gave them a ride in the morning, and they got home on their own via city bus/walking or looking forlorn and getting other kids’ moms to take them.
I started babysitting my sisters for short periods – an hour or two – when I was 10 (and they were 7 and 4). I didn’t start babysitting kids to whom I wasn’t closely related for another couple of years. My kids did a lot of babysitting in high school, but not so much before that.
I think there was a school year, maybe 1-1/2, around when our oldest was 10, when we no longer had an au pair and hired a local young woman, 19, to be with our kids after school every day until we came home. She had some minor intellectual impairments. I used to say I felt fine about the situation because if there were some sort of emergency our kids would make certain the babysitter was OK. After a while, though, we just let the kids be alone. We were confident the older one could handle problems, and confident that the younger one would tell us every bod thing the older one did.
I’m sure, when my wife was traveling on business, and the au pair was off, I left them alone at a much earlier age to do things like walk the dog around the block.
So much depends on individual circumstances & setting. Personality and maturity factors for the kid, overall type of residential community, the nature and length of the time the parent will be away, etc. So I don’t think there are clear answers.