There are parents that condone and even encourage drinking and allow it in their homes. Then there are the many parents that know their kids drink, (but don’t drive when drinking), yet aren’t entirely clear how to stop it when essentially all the kids in their child’s social circle and most of the other social circles drink. The parents could decide to lock their children in the house, but that generally does not work all that well for extended periods of time. If the kid is grounded for life, what do they have to loose?
Some parents choose to take the moderation approach - punishing when the kid comes in visibly drunk but otherwise ignoring it. Many kids can drink moderately and come home with no outward signs. Parents can sometimes be fooled into thinking that their kid is not partaking, when they may well be, but in a responsible way. Some parents have found that their non-drinker in HS turns into a binge drinker in college. Do parents really believe that it is their message to their kids, the threat of punishment and not the kid’s personality or choice of friends that really drives this?
One of my kids did not drink at all in HS. I was frustrated by the attitude that they all do it and that parents should not believe that their kids were not drinking (which came from the HS substance abuse counselor). I thought the school should at least acknowledge that some kids don’t drink and support those kids, instead of insinuating that the parents were simply foolish to believe this. I absolutely believe that kid didn’t drink. One of my kids probably has upon occasion, but not so that it is visible. Same parents, same rules, different personalities and friends.
I would love to know what really works to curb underage drinking. I don’t think anyone has actually come up with any method that effectively deters these kids. I agree with those that say an occasional bottle of cheap beer or a glass of wine is of minimal concern in an 18-20 yo, but binge drinking or getting into a car either as a driver or a passenger with a driver that has been drinking can lead to disaster. The binge drinking really worries me.