I say “on the spectrum” often because there are many different types of autism and not everyone knows what type of autism someone has. Further, they may have personality traits that are very autism-like but have never been officially diagnosed.
I have two cousins with autism and an older man who has lived in the apartment attached to my house for a decade is autistic. They are all at very different points on the spectrum and, at least in one cousin’s case, his place on the spectrum has changed considerably throughout his life.
Further, my aunt who is the MOTHER of two children with Autism owns a gym branch of “We Rock the Spectrum” so I seriously doubt she takes offense to the phrase.
Remember, one’s experiences are not universal even if you feel closer to the issue than someone else.
PG: it is a touchy issue for many. I have 2 of those Aspies in my home. If the kid was antisocial and didn’t shower…the spectrum issue may have nothing to do with it. That is all Lindy is saying. My kids shower twice a day, hang out, Instagram or tweet or whatever kids are doing these days.
On the other hand, Magnetron meant nothing by it other that that was what the kid told them. No offense taken, though it did cause that wince for me too:(. It’s not Magnetron, it’s the broad word used to describe a thousand different “issues”.
The spectrum is a spectrum for real. It’s not just a name. Some kids present like that roomie, some don’t talk. Some are geniuses. Savants. Comedians…My two are different in so many ways!
A few others have shared similar stories–my oldest D was sent contact info for her freshman roommate and she was just as concerned when she couldn’t find any trace of her and she didn’t respond to email. Turns out her name on FB was a nickname and she was out of the country and away from email for a program for most of the summer. I think D finally heard from her a week before move in. It’s likely the student changed his or her email and didn’t update the school if the email is no longer correct. I’m sure it will be fine but, I agree, it is uncommon to be in this position.
Aspergers is a diagnoses that is no longer separate. It disappeared. Now it is just on “the spectrum”. Or as my younger one says, “I used to have Aspergers”. :).
Think about it, if you refer to some one who is odd/weird as “on the spectrum”, it harkens back to when kids used to call the slow kids “retarded”. A derogatory use of the word. (Again, not what Magnetron was doing).
I dont want hijack this poor guy’s thread tho!! I can’t believe your school admitted NO ax murderers…
But if someone actually IS “on the spectrum” and you know that for a fact and some hard to cope with roommate behaviors can be attributed to that (while not implying that presentation and habits are uniform for those identified as being “on the spectrum”) one could easily believe that no amount of roomie pow-wows or reviews of ground rules would change some things that just are as they are. To me that reads as a short cut explanation for why 2 months of mediation with the RA or some other such standardly advised measure would not solve the problem and a move might be in order.
“Think about it, if you refer to some one who is odd/weird as “on the spectrum”, it harkens back to when kids used to call the slow kids “retarded”. A derogatory use of the word. (Again, not what Magnetron was doing).”
i’m sorry, I’m still not understanding why on the spectrum is derogatory if it’s an explanation as to why someone doesn’t seem to catch on to typical social norms. What would you rather they say?
It also seems evident that saying on the spectrum is NOT saying " all of them act, think, present alike." Because on the spectrum means on a continuum - from the person who has a few odd quirks but could make a serviceable roommate to the person who is disabled enough that it would be a real challenge to live with them. I don’t know why one would have to tiptoe around that.
People who are on the spectrum ARE “odd” from the perspective of the neurotypical. No? That might be a little odd / quirky, it might be Sheldon Cooper (and yeah yeah I know he’s not “official”) or it might be someone with a lot more challenges that make it impossible for him to cope with a roommate.
“Aspergers is a diagnoses that is no longer separate. It disappeared. Now it is just on “the spectrum”. Or as my younger one says, “I used to have Aspergers”.”
The specifics of someone’s diagnosis aren’t typically anyone else’s business, so I think you’re not hearing that others would rather say a blanket “on the spectrum (somewhere)” rather than pretend we can diagnose specific syndromes / condition.
And I’m certainly not going to call someone else’s kid an Aspie. It’s just a little too “familiar” of a term for me, an outsider, to use.
To make a short story long…:). there is nothing wrong with saying someone is “on the spectrum” if they actually are. If you are describing some weird guy that way, it is probably going to offend someone as a pejorative.
Autism is terrifying for families dealing with severely impacted kids. parents of kids who have severe spectrum issues are concerned that people will just start thinking about autism as no big deal. And that can cause a general “ok-ness” with it that may Impact research and services for those most severely affected., and/or that the pejorative will catch on like “retarded” diminishing real people.
About 4 years ago, my kids hosted an Event to raise $ for Autism. S2 says, “why? There’s nothing wrong with me. I don’t need to be cured.” And he’s right. But at a subsequent Autism walk, I pointed out kids also “on the spectrum” who were seriously impacted. Maybe they WOULD like a cure. He got it. (We raised almost $10k yay!) Raising $, and AWARENESS is key. That is why I continue the conversation and don’t take offense. (Mods, if we are way OT, i apologize.)
It would seem kinder to me to ascribe some weird guy’s weirdness to being on the spectrum (which means he can’t help it any more than a paraplegic could help not being able to walk) than to just being weird. It’s like seeing a kid throw a temper tantrum in public and not respond to his parents’ entreaties; it’s a lot kinder to assume that maybe he has some kind of problem and just can’t help it than to assume that he’s poorly behaved and his parents are wimps.
I have no doubt that autism is terrifying, but I think it is a little odd to think that the use of the expression “on the spectrum” will suddenly render the rest of us completely unable to tell the difference between Sheldon Cooper who is a little “off” but who can communicate his needs, live independently, shower, hold a job, etc. and someone who is in the profoundly-affected, won’t-ever-be-toilet-trained, can’t-communicate, can’t-be-left alone-in-the-house camp. (BTW, I have a friend who has a son in this condition - 18 yo, not toilet-trained, fits of rage, requires constant supervision, can only minimally communicate. No one remotely mistakes him for a kid who can go away to college and just might have a little trouble adjusting to a roommate.)
We all know the difference between the two, just like we know the difference between the kid whose cerebral palsy means he holds his arm funny and vs the kid whose cerebral palsy means he’s confined to a wheelchair and can’t sit up without assistance.
It’s the autistic community who gave us the term “on the spectrum” and we all adapted it because we thought it was kindler and gentler and connoted more of a “everything’s a continuum and who knows where normal starts” for heaven’s sakes!
I’m learning these new terms by reading these posts. My daughter taught piano to a few kids with austitic but I didn’t know what it means, from what my daughter told me one kid was a little hyper, easily distracted but how is that different from ADHD, which I think I might have when I was younger.
PG: I’m describing to you how it can offend someone if you simply call someone who is weird “spectrum” simply bc they are weird. It doesn’t mean they have autism. You dont get to control what offends others in this world afraid. You have not offended me, but consider one last example:
What if we were having coffee and a friend approached who had shaved his head…“omg…you look like a cancer victim!” If your mom just did her last round of chemo, you might wince.
Ok, but that’s a different argument than the one you were making earlier - that use of the term “on the spectrum” would cause people to think severely autistic cases are no big deal because after all, that other guy is on the spectrum and he can communicate and function. But, I’ll drop it. Sorry if I inadvertently offended.
I thought we were talking about a roommate not responding to emails or having public social media accounts? Why are we off on this rabbit trail? You’d think it was Easter.
We were @albert69. Magnetron said that both his kids had unresponsive roomies and while it can be completely immaterial and mean nothing it can also sometimes be traced to larger social relations issues. Hopefully not to the extent of coming after your roommate in the night with a pick axe, but maybe more towards needing to use a little axe or some equivalent (in reference to the non-bathing, non-laundering roomie)
I know I kind of abandoned this forum, but if anyone still cares, I was assigned a new roommate. I’m not sure if he’s still going to my school and just wanted a new room or if he decided to withdraw his enrollment. Anyway, my new roommate is foreign, has a Facebook, and has even confirmed he isn’t an ax murderer
