Definitely watch the costs. D1 is going to FDIL’s party in 2 weeks. Every week it seems she gets an email about additional costs. They’re going to a resort on a lake 5 hours from us for 3 days, several expensive activities have been added, she’s been told to chip in for bride’s “gift bag”, plus bring a personal gift for bride. Since she’s a new college graduate, currently without a job and applying to dental school, money is low. She finally emailed MOH and said she just couldn’t contribute any more. Other guests going are 5-10 years older, so money is a little easier, but still…I really think these bachelor/bachelorette parties are out of control.
S, the groom, told his best man that he just wanted everyone to attend a baseball game and eat at the park so that’s what they are doing. He’s had a few too many expensive bachelor parties.
The gift bags idea was random. It could be anything wedding related. I come from a big family where we always had guests and entertained. The concern was that there should always be enough food. In fact when I got married I was so used to cooking large scale that it was a challenge just to cook for two because I always made too much. For my three sisters weddings all my parents friends pitched in based on whatever was their expertise. In return when their kids got married we helped them. I remember one friend was really good at making baklava so that is what she prepared for one of the functions that took place in our house. Those friendships have lasted 40 years. For our wedding festivities we had several days of events to plan not just the wedding reception so we had to come up with different themes and different menus so that each event was unique. Imagine having to plan two daughters weddings 2 months apart.
I have planned brunches, tea, pizza night, movie night, fondue, done fruit sculpting to make serving baskets…as daughter always had her friends over on the weekends especially over the summer holidays or winter break. Growing up, Sunday 4pm was tea time and we would go into the dining room and get out the nice serving dishes and put out all the things we had prepared.
After planning four daughters weddings my parents are waiting for my brother (youngest) to get engaged so that we can all participate in another wedding. After that my daughter is next in line. I really hope hers is not too complicated. Big weddings sound stressful. Sometimes doing things that are smaller and intimate can also be quite enjoyable and less stressful.
My H had a bachelor party thrown for him that was at a friend’s lake house. They went fishing all day, grilled in the evening, and I think beer was the big expense
DD went to a bachelorette at Disneyland that cost her well over $1500 all told including airfare, hotel, meals, tickets to Disney, dinner out, etc. oh…and they all had to buy a same color dress for some picture. It was quite an event.
At one point the MOH asked for an additional contribution because one person couldn’t come. DD just said she couldn’t contribute more…which was true.
DD was MOH for a wedding. She was very aware of the costs for the bachelorette. The most expensive thing they did was pedicures. They went out to eat but nothing fancy schmancy. They spent a lot of time hanging out by the pool, chatting, and having snacks and something to drink. But even that one cost well over $500 mostly due to airfare.
You are so generous to provide your home, your husband’s dinner and the stocked fridge for the party. The real treat for everyone will be getting to enjoy your beautiful home with good friends.
It’s hard to say without knowing the young women, but for some the special dinner in the private room in the very nice restaurant and the night out at the nightclub may already be pushing the limits of their budgets. That’s probably enough for planned costly activities if some of the women have tight budgets.
Although it sounds like fun, they probably don’t need the manicurist or the SUP instructor. Paddleboarding is super easy; instruction really isn’t needed. If there’s a rental place nearby, the rental folks will provide basic instruction. Renting bikes is another cheap, fun activity. I’ll bet the women would rather be outdoors anyway than getting manicures, which they could do any place.
I’d also recommend that your daughter allow some unstructured time for people to have a bit of solitude if they like; I always appreciate the opportunity to take a solo walk or to read a book for a couple of hours during a weekend getaway even with very close friends and family.
The bar seems to be set so high (and so expensive) these days. If I was a bridesmaid, I would love a few days in a vacation home to visit with my friends and chill. A day at the beach, one nice dinner and some optional shopping would be more than enough. SUP sounds fun though. I wouldn’t care about a weekend that was wall to wall activities - depending on age of bridesmaids, taking time of from work and getting away is enough of a joy. And certainly volunteering your vacation home is a nice way to help keep costs down.
However we now seem to live in over the top wedding event times. Of course this is a new generation. I guess no one would just meet a few days before wedding for dinner and bar crawl anymore?
@thumper1 $1500 is a lot to spend on a bridal shower. I would have to think twice about that. Attend several weddings a year and that could wipe out savings of a young student just starting out.
Taking notes for future reference. A bridal shower should be enjoyable but not be a financial burden that would prohibit some from participating. I appreciate that when it is taken into consideration.
I never had a bachelorette party and my friend’s was an evening at Chipendales’ in LA (near where she lived). She had H and me stay at her condo when we came for the wedding, so we didn’t have lodging expenses and there was no expectation of any big bachelorette or bachelor thing. H’s bachelor party was funny–they gave him a DVD because all the dancers they knew from their youth had moved on in their life, so they figured H could enjoy watching things on the DVD player (which lasted about a decade or two).
I really think these expensive bachelor and bachelorette events are unreasonable and out-of-hand for the budgets of most young adults. Having the house, a stocked fridge and your H cooking one nice dinner, plus one nice dinner out sounds like a great time. Unless everyone has deep pockets, I’d try to reign in costs, out of consideration for folks who may not want to say they are financially stretched but are. The girts mostly want to spend time together and have one more memorable bonding experience, not have to dread the consequences of the big splurge weekend.
I also wanted to say that it sounds like your D, the bride, is doing a lot of planning for this event. To me that’s sort of refreshing. The way I know it, the MOH and maybe the bridesmaids plan all the activities and the bride just enjoys. It is very, very kind of your D to want to plan and provide a nice weekend for them.
D1 is MOH in a best friend’s August wedding. The bachelorette party has been a HUGE thorn in her side with the bride changing her mind a dozen times on where/when/how the party is going to occur. The bride’s mom keeps sticking her ideas and opinions and putting a kink in the plans (she was insisting that SHE wanted to come along to - with the bride and 8 bridesmaids - AND MOB wanted to bring along a couple of her friends! Not appropriate!
Anyway, the plans ranged from having the party at Hocking HIlls here in Ohio to going to Nashville for a long weekend (expensive!) - in the end after many, many changes the bride has decided to have the party occur in the town she and D live in - a perfectly fun midwest large city with plenty to do - everyone will stay at brides or D’s apt and it will be nicely affordable for everyone. But man, the headaches over this thing!!!
I never had a bachelorette party, but my family did throw a “bridesmaids’ luncheon”, I think the day before the wedding – just a nice luncheon at a nice restaurant and I gave them their gifts. They didn’t have to spend anything, though. With the exception of my sister, all of my bridesmaids were from out of town – it was within driving distance, but we paid for their hotel rooms and then almost all their meals were provided the entire weekend with the various festivities. My friends were just starting out, some had big student loans – it just wouldn’t have been right to expect them to spend a lot.
I don’t hear about bridesmaids’ luncheons any more; maybe they’ve fallen by the wayside in favor of these bachelorette parties. I think it’s one thing to invite “the girls” out for one nice dinner or something like what is being described here, a nice weekend; the idea of making people fly in and spend a lot of money is just insane, IMO.
I did go to a bachelorette party that was dinner at a casual restaurant and a drag show, which was pretty fun. We did have gifts for the bride, but you could go “serious” or gag gift so you didn’t have to spend a lot.
Even though I think less is more my daughter attended a nice brides weekend. The MOH was the sister of bride. She got the group of girls to split the cost of weekend mountain trip. Cost for each girl was around 40 for place. Then they brought food for all but one meal where they went out. They hiked and worked puzzles and opened tacky little gifts. And driving distance for all involved. D had a great time.
I have to say, I couldn’t imagine spending the money and taking the time to fly from the east coast to CA for ANY bachelorette party, shower or similar event for anyone other than my sister, my daughter and I suppose maybe a future DIL. Everyone else – they will just have to get along without me! I am quite sure they will survive1
DD went to the bachelorette because she was not able to go to the wedding because her school term began the weekend of the wedding. This was her college roommate for two years. BUT I think if she had realized the total cost, she would NOT have gone!
After hearing stories like the one @thumper1 told of her D’s experience, I’m just astounded…How are these young people just starting out able to afford that? Have any of your kids declined to attend or participate in weddings because of the cost?
@Bromfield2 - I think what your D is planning sounds really nice and not over-the-top expensive. I’m sure the other bridesmaids will appreciate and enjoy!
@raclut – It’s easy to understand the confusion; a bachelorette party is a relatively recent tradition where a bride has a little getaway or an evening out with a few of her very closest friends. It’s completely optional and I think it started as the counterpoint to the more traditional bachelor party. While the media image of the bachelor’s party is pure raunch, I think in reality the vast majority of them for decades have been nice getaways for the groom and his buddies. Fishing, surfing, skiing – that kind of thing. In recent decades, there’s been the idea that a bride would be as just as appreciative of a little time with her friends as the groom.
Showers are usually multi-generational, informal affairs that last for a few hours on an afternoon. The focus there is usually on giving the bride (or couple) practical gifts to start them out in their households,
None of this is mandatory. It is just a happy coincidence (combined with extremely generous parents) that Bromfield’s daughter is able to offer a vacation beach home as a setting for this particular bachelorette party; most bachelorette parties are much more modest but paradoxically more expensive for the guests. My guess is that most weddings have no bachelorette party,
I personally HATE the phrase “bachelorette party” and wish it could be changed to “little time with best friends.” That sounds pretty appealing to me right now!
I feel rather lucky – when my friends were all getting married and we stood up for one another, we really just had to pay for our dresses and that was that. Sometimes we threw showers for one another, but at the time these were events in our houses with card tables and homemade food – and that was perfectly fine. There was no expectation that bridesmaids host bachelorette parties or do anything other than show up, look pretty and calm the bride’s nerves before the big event.
Exactly! My guess is that is still the case for the majority of weddings. I’m sure the friend of Bromfield’s daughter is extremely appreciative of Bromfield’s generosity, which is beyond the means of most parents of the maid of honor. But it’s fun to dream! I personally want to hear every detail of the weekend! So fun!
