My daughter had had virtually the same concerns. She was a very hard worker already and certainly was prepared to be academically challenged, but also wanted to have a college experience that she would be able to remember fondly later in life. The Ivy-Leagues, and the perceived “preppiness” were very suspect to her. Then, during Banard’s accepted-students weekend, she quickly connected with other girls and suddenly realized that everyone else was just “cooking with water” as well. She decided for Barnard from several attractive offers, and is very happy with her choice.
It certainly helped that from early age she had always loved to spend time in NYC and couldn’t wait to move there from the suburbs (although the other Eastern cities were all in the running.)
The stress depends on how well you can manage your time. My daughter is taking 5 courses each semester and as long as she stays on top of work and assignments, she can set aside time to spend in the city, attend concerts or shows, or just chill with friends at BC or CC.
Whether you get sleep whether you procrastinate till the last night before something’s due. That is the likely source of the “war-stories” people love to share with their peers.
Competitiveness of the student body? Sure, they are “competitive” or they wouldn’t have gotten in. But, that not’s the same as “competing”! Once you are IN because of your “competitive” results from high school, you truly are competing with yourself, not with others.
Cut-Throat? That’s not at all the sense I get from my daughter. There simply is no reason to go after one another (or, at least until you enter graduate school).
A “good amount of elitist kids”? This is New York – everyone HAS a life, so get use to “live – and let live”. At any college in the 212 area code you are bound to find people of all sorts of life, some will have very posh background, some people struggle financially. The key, you’ll be in an environment where you choose your own path, define and stand up for your own principles, pick your own social circle. Everyone else will do the same, you just have to accept theirs will be different.
A “a more laid back and supportive community”? Certainly the Barnard quad, behind the Barnard gates, does offer you a quick and welcome retreat from the craziness of the city, and the university, whenever you need that. But, I don’t think “laid back” is a good description at all. I think most people are fairly active, have things they enjoy doing, opportunities to explore – but not because they are driven to it by their college. The “Big City” hustle transfers to the campus as well, but that doesn’t mean you can’t decide to spend a Sunday afternoon just binge-watching some show in your dorm, if you feel like it.
When you go to school in Manhattan, you probably chose that location because you are quite independent and cosmopolitan. Yes, you’ll find that your peers and the staff will be supportive, and respond to your outreach, but it’s not a “cuddly” environment. Rural colleges in smaller cities will likely offer a very structured, and much more cohesive sense of a “gated community”. Being located in the city, and being part of a large university, means that “the community” is whatever you make out of it.