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<p>What do they consider leadership? Team captains? Club presidents? Those can be pretty hollow I would think.</p>
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<p>Yes, heaven forbid the Down Syndrome sister not achieve medals in the Special Olympics. My best friend has a son with DS; he has participated in SO, but never won medals. I guess he hasn’t reached his potential. @@ </p>
<p>Frankly I found that pushing of a DS child to win medals in SO just as gross. Way to completely miss the point on their part, yet one more time.</p>
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<p>My understanding of not correcting young kids was not so much as not to upset them but their cognitive capability to understand why and what is good or right is limited.</p>
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<p>I certainly think kids have enough cognitive ability to understand right from wrong, empathize with others and accept criticism before second grade.</p>
<p>^It depends. Sure they understand what they can relate like hurting others is bad. Those can be corrected/taught. Not sure about the smiley face, which smiley face is acceptable which is not is not so clear. Maybe it was clear to their family. When my D was 3-4, she was satisfied with some hearts she drew and not with the others. To me, they looked the same. It could be me who was cognitively challenged.</p>
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<p>I found the “Hey fatty, lose some weight” comment humorous, too. I thought it was funny in a twisted way. What would Chua assume to be the cause of Lulu’s “fatness,” when Lulu never played at other kids’ homes, and probably ate all of her meals other than school lunch (packed by mom?) under her mom’s watchful eye?</p>
<p>If it were me with a fat kid, I would be analyzing what I served my kid, how I modeled eating behavior, how I factored in exercise during the day and taught them good food choices. I certainly would not be calling my living-at-home minor child fat and ordering her to lose some weight. I’d be blaming myself.</p>
<p>Maybe that is why Chua gave in to Lulu playing tennis - to get the fat off.</p>
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<p>Igloo, the bday card episode wasn’t about the quality of a smiley face, it was about the effort they put into the cards. Chua said Lulu’s card took all of 20 seconds–a smiley face and a Happy Birthday Mommy scribbled on each side. Sophia’s was a little more “effusive” as she put it, but needing no more thought. No pretty drawing, no craft work, just a last-minute fix, probably at the instigation of their father. Her mother called them on it…as Sophia put it, “we were busted” and that was okay because they went back and made something better and can feel good about it.</p>
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<p>Actually, Chua wrote this in describing one of the many ways Western parents differ from Chinese parents. She never specifically referred to an incident where she said this (which doesn’t mean she didn"t) we just don’t have a broader context or her kids reactions.</p>
<p>In one of the photos of Lulu playing the violin, she did look a little chunky around the waist, but that was probably just her pre-growth spurt physique.</p>
<p>I hope neither Lulu or Sophia ever gets fat. I can imagine them walking down the street, their identities revealed, and people shouting at them “Hey fatty! Lose some weight!”</p>
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<p>What does this sentence mean?</p>
<p>^ IMO, Ms. Chua was saying that Chinese parents are very honest in that way and do not tip-toe around subjects such as weight. If a child is overweight, Chinese parents (generally, not all) will just say ‘you’re fat/overweight’. In the context of Asian culture, this is not mean. I know it sounds terrible in English and in terms of Western culture but it really is not the same case in other cultures.</p>
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<p>All through the book Chua gives examples to show the contrast between what she labels “Chinese” and “Western” parenting. She is describing differing philosophies and does not claim that it follows ethnic lines. Many times, she will give two contrasting examples of what a Western parent and a Chinese parent would do/say. These comparisons are infused with humor and a bit of exaggeration (or not). So if I recall correctly,(I have the book on my other computer) she said something about how Western parents would tiptoe around an issue like this to protect their kid’s feelings, while a Chinese parent would not be so subtle.</p>
<p>crossposted with RedDinosaur.</p>
<p>@RedDinosaur – thanks, cultural context does come into play.</p>
<p>It is a terrible thing to say to a girl in this country. I’m probably older than a lot of you so I grew up in an era before we knew what an eating disorder was but I knew girls who developed them, (you can develop a disease without having a name for it). It’s a terrible disease and it stems from the societal pressure girls feel to be thin.</p>
<p>I will just point out another culture difference. With Chinese, it is not offensive to ask, “Hey, how much money do you make?” or “Oh, how much did your house cost?” Once they know, it is also ok to say, “Oh, you are not getting paid enough,” or “Oh, you paid too much for the house.” I know there are many posters will post that the are living in America now, they need to learn the American way. Yes and no. In the public (like work place), yes, but they (we) don´t have to in the privacy of our own home.</p>
<p>My mother regularly tells my brother that he is over weight, and he will never get a girl to marry him with that weight. She also has no problem in saying to me, “Ahh, your stomach is looking a bit out of shape, maybe you need to do some exercise,” or “Your face is looking very yellow, time to buy some new cream or get a facial.”</p>
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<p>I don’t have a problem with this at all, now that you and your brother are adults.</p>
<p>The problem I have with it is when a mother criticizes her minor daughter who is living at home, eating only food the mother gave her, doing only activities her mother allows her to do, and then the mother calls the daughter fat and tells her to lose weight. That actually seems a little psychotic to me.</p>
<p>In the book, the girls’ mom never called them fat. From the stories, it sounds like neither of the girls had any weight problems. I can’t say it for certain since I don’t really know them but if Ms. Chua did I see no reason why she would hide it. She’s already put everything else “out on the table.”</p>
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<p>On the Today Show she told Matt Lauer of telling Sophia “Hey fatty, lose some weight.” I don’t know if it is in the book, I have no intention of reading the book, I just don’t think I can get through it.</p>
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<p>Same here. Chua’s mistreatment of her children makes me ill.</p>
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<p>How did Chua know it took 20 seconds? Weren’t they supposed to do that in secret? I remember my D when she was 4. They made cards at school for Mother’s day. Sending them home on Friday, her teacher told kids to keep it secret until Sunday, Mother’s Day. My D, who loved to talk, tried very hard to keep the secret. When she came home, she pulled a tiny corner of the card, “You can’t see this until Sunday.” In a little later, she pulled some more out, “I am not showing you anything.” It went on the entire weekend. I don’t think she knew what putting in effort meant. Chua’s kids could well be more precocious.</p>
<p>I know that children vary in temperament from birth (and possibly before), but I think that child-rearing does affect temperament. Otherwise, a major part of this discussion would be moot. I believe that it was Wildwood11 who brought up Chua’s note, "Mommy has a bad temper . . . " No joke! It seems to me that the kind of upbringing that provokes children to the point of rage (in the child) is likely to worsen anyone’s natural temper. Agreed, there are things that parents must insist upon, but usually it is possible to do that without making the child furious. </p>
<p>Personally, I would have been very sad if my child had spent 3 hours daily on piano practice, and then spent a negligible length of time making a birthday card. This doesn’t seem to illustrate the carry-over value of lessons in doing one’s best, either. On the other hand, if Lulu was 4 at the time, then writing “Happy Birthday Mommy” probably was <em>not</em> actually a 30 second undertaking. (Although perhaps her fine motor coordination was already way over the top, due to the piano lessons.)</p>
<p>But the birthday card incident, like the fatty incident, also seems like a set-up now that I think about it. Chua controls every moment of her daughters’ days such that they have almost no free time (due to their time-intensive practice and study schedule), yet she’s unhappy they didn’t spend lots of time making her cards.</p>