<p>My MIL is a great collector of stuff. Mostly fine antiques and not junk but I shudder at the thought of … dealing with all that and the grief of her passing. </p>
<p>I once suggested to her that we could have a great tea party at her funeral, and each guest could leave with a teacup to remember her by (she has hundreds). She didn’t like that idea at all and said the “collection” needs to stay together. Oyyyyyyyyyyy. I hope her will doesn’t state anything like that as a desire or her children will be shackled for life!</p>
<p>Maybe the best we can do is to help our parents DOWNSIZE as much as possible.</p>
<p>I’ll be one of those pesky spouses groaning and rolling around on the floor when my BIL suggests keeping the parents’ house “just like it is for all of us to use” since he loves it so much. An expensive shrine will not bring back your parents or your childhood!</p>
<p>What I have seen is the one sibling who really wants the parents home. The estate is divided equally between the siblings. In most of the cases I have seen with friends and family most of the real estate must be sold in order to pay the estate taxes. In these cases the parents need to be very clear with the siblings that the property will need to be sold.</p>
<p>My SIL has a brother who lives in the old family home with his family. The parents turned it over to him rather than selling it when their son started a family, needed something bigger, and the parents wanted to downsize. It is causing a lot of issues because, the house was given to the brother 15 years ago. As far as he and his wife were concerned, they did the parents a favor not selling the thing as they would have preferred to do and buying something that they would rather have had. They have had the parents at the house a lot because they had the only grandkids and because they lived closer and because it was once their home. They’ve hosted all of the family events because it is the family house. When there was mention that the value of that property should be taken into account when divvying up the assets, it was not well received. So the subject was dropped. Does not bode well for when the time comes. We got into a vigorous argument on what would be fair in this situation. </p>
<p>As far as I’m concerned, fair is what the parents choose as it is their money, but sentiments vary on this.</p>
<p>I’m the poster who said I had one set of clients that really stood out as managing this situation well. The “extra” house in question was a greatly appreciated lake cottage in a small resort town in southwestern Michigan. </p>
<p>There were 3 children, ages 45-55. I met with them individually and together. Varying marriage and financial status. I was so struck that each one really had only one goal–to be equitable to the other siblings. Even that sentence doesn’t really do their sentiments justice. It wasn’t lip service. They stayed true to this the entire year + it took to settle the estate. Their father was a really good man and I figured the apples didn’t drop far from the tree.</p>
<p>I’m starting to feel fortunate reading this thread too. My two siblings and I have stayed true to being equitable with everything with our parents’ estate which is what they wanted. There have been no disagreements and all decisions are made together and everything is divided equally and agreeably.</p>
<p>soozie, your situation might not have been as harmonious if you and your sibs had lived in any of your parents’ houses. I would expect a situation like yours if none of the kids wanted to live in or own any of the parental real estate. I actually expect a similar situation when my own parents pass on, because my brothers and I will split everything equitably, which is in my parents’ wills and what we all know that they want. </p>
<p>This thread is about a different sort of situation.</p>
<p>I agree with the posters who say that the parents can do as they please, and often do not foresee the problems. They have this “fairy tale” notion of how their kids (and family members) view some of these properties, and they also don’t see any problems with the joint ownership issue.</p>
<p>The book “Saving the Family Cottage” addresses multiple ways to deal with the family cottage…and personally I WISH I had had it when all of the wheeling and dealing with our family’s cottage was happening. No, I don’t get a cut of the money from those book sales.</p>
<p>RE: owning the cottage vs paying for vacation…the other thing is that the parents often think the vacation home should be the vacation destination year after year (either because THEY did that or because they want their kids to). Not only is it costly to co-own a home, but…hello…some of us do not want to go to the family cottage year after year. We would prefer to take different vacations. The parents also (wrongly) think it’s a cheaper vacation. I don’t know about the rest of your but I hated going to the family cottage. I had to bring all of the food, bring my linens, make sure it was spotless when I left (that wasn’t an issue). That was a vacation for the REST of my family, but not for me. If I’m going on a VACATION…I don’t want to have to grocery shop or clean the place I’m staying myself. I can do that at home.</p>
<p>My MIL has a fairytale notion about the family cottage. She thinks everyone else loves it as much as she does. That is simply not true.</p>
<p>^^ Here, here Thumper! Hard for the family to get that message, but by the time I pack up all we need to go, clean up after any family that DIDN’T clean up when they were last, and prepare a bunch of meals, etc. while it is a few days “away” it doesn’t always truly feel like “vacation” for me!</p>
<p>My mother always felt the same way thumper and abasket about beach home vacations (or family homes for vacations anywhere else)!</p>
<p>Our family rented a beach home 2 years ago for the first time ever. That home was equipped with sheets, towels, pots and pans, and all other kitchen utensils (as well as things one needs like dishwashing liquid). There was minimum cleaning involved and it helped that we only had one child with us and all the rest were adults. We enjoyed the experience, as for us it was something “new”. If we did this vacation every year I would go out of my mind because I know that I would be bored! It was a fabulous week and there was plenty to do, but I would not want to repeat it over and over again.</p>
<p>Deja, that is true that in my case, none of us siblings lived in either of my parents’ two homes and we just visited them at these homes. So, it is natural for us to sell the homes and split the proceeds. And I realize this is more the topic of the thread. </p>
<p>However, many have related experiences about settling estates and inheritances (vacation cottages aside) that sound unfortunate.</p>
<p>Reason number 641 why I am glad we only have one child. I intend to get rid of all our real property prior to moving on and rent. That’s the plan anyway, but who knows how these things work out.</p>
<p>YES!!! It is WAY too much work for vacation. When we visit the inlaws lake house, the number one priority is not to cause them any trouble or expense…we grocery shop, cook (I never want to cook on vacation!), wash endless dishes (no dishwasher), make sure the boat is cleaner than we found it, etc etc etc etc etc.</p>
<p>Next week I’m having a “girlfriends vacation” at the beach home of a friend. She LOVES the beach, I, not so much but a few days there is fine. I’m allergic to the sun so don’t go out on the sand but enjoy listening to the waves from the house. She has 2 kids, one who lives 2 hours from there and who uses the house frequently and shares costs and maintenance. The other lives permanently outside the US. It was easy to plan her will. The one who lives “away” will inherit her residence and be able to sell it and the one who uses the beach house will inherit it.</p>
<p>Interesting, because the other posters are describing real estate that has to be sold because either some of the heirs don’t want it, or some of the heirs can’t afford the maintenance. I suspect that for most, the taxes are not the major issue. We have no federal estate tax in the US; is the state estate tax so big?</p>
<p>It’s true that right now there is no federal estate tax, but that will change in 2011. If Congress does nothing, then as of January 1, 2011, the exemption be $1 million with a top rate of 55%. You don’t have to be super wealthy to have an estate of $1 million. </p>
<p>No one knows what Congress will do tho there is speculation that it will restore the situation in 2009, when the exemption was $3.5 million and the top rate was 45%.</p>
<p>As for state estate taxes, New York has one–don’t know about other states.</p>
<p>There is no federal estate tax THIS year. But if the owner of the home dies next year, the estate tax will be 55% of everything over $1,000,000. </p>
<p>If you are real estate rich but cash poor, the home would have to be sold to pay the taxes.</p>