<p>I re-read the TODAY sections again and noticed a few things.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Did anyone notice that “Ben’s” pyjama pants were too big for him? Chrissy did. Does that suggest that Mike is wearing Ben’s clothes?</p></li>
<li><p>The opening scene definitely suggests that young Christine was no stranger to one night stands. So her later affair with Mike is not out of character.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Which brings me to my take on the whole Slasher/Punish promiscuity debate:
Although Christine is definitely no angel and a flawed character even before her memory loss, the fact that this hideous creature has posed as her husband and has become “her world” made me sympathetic to Chrissy. I did not judge her for her past and did not feel she somehow deserved this awful condition or brought it on herself.
Perhaps the author created this “pot-smoking, loose” female not to condemn her choices but to paint her (and others like her) as someone we SHOULD care about.</p>
<p>And isn’t Christine portrayed as having a postive attitude after reading the journal and willing to understand her “husband’s” difficulty in dealing daily with her special needs? She does not come across as selfish or narrow-minded at all.
And that is why the scene in the hotel room is so gripping–we CARE about this character regardless of her past–I can’t help but think of Audrey Hepburn in “Wait Until Dark”–that movie’s SUSPENSE is so great, more than any modern SLasher Horror Movie, BECAUSE we CARE about Audrey’s character.</p>
<p>Anyway, I can’t keep from recommending this novel to all my bookworm friends!</p>
<p>The Hotel Room is so gripping because it was violence against woman.
A related horrific aspect of this book , was the possibility that Chris was daily subjected to abusive treatment, sexual and otherwise, which she would forget everyday. </p>
<p>And, I don’t consider a sexually liberated, sexually active woman in a negative way. I don’t feel she deserved punishment, although I understand that a male author may hold these double standards.</p>
<p>Christine’s still in her 20s at the time of the attack, right? Perhaps sliding into an affair with Mike requires less soul searching because of those previous one night stands. Maybe postpartum depression and writer’s block trigger a need to reclaim a lifestyle that seems out of reach to her now.</p>
<p>I don’t think anyone believes that Christine deserves what happens to her but rather that she takes risks that don’t work out so well. I don’t think of it as a double standard to intimate that Christine at the very least opens the door to what happens to her. She herself feels guilty and keeps her secrets close, even from Claire for as long as she can. In Fatal Attraction Michael Douglas’ character also crosses that same line; he too has to deal with the fallout. So I go with no double standard on the author’s part. Had Christine not gotten involved with Mike, well, he might have pursued … stalked … her anyway and the result could have been just as bad. Still, Christine would neither feel (nor be) as complicit when Mike attacked.</p>
<p>I am not sure he was trying to paint her in an unfavorable light. I felt it was a contrast to this middle-aged woman that she had unknowingly become. If the author thought she was someone to be scorned, then I don’t think he would have held out the possibility that she would still be loved by Real Ben (which I do find a little far-fetched).</p>
<p>Now, maybe it has to do with how we personally behaved in our early years, but I know in my early twenties I was, at times, terribly shallow. I wish I had a little amnesia. So, Christine’s thoughts sent a chill through me on the first page. I don’t think I took anything she said literally - it was more a matter of waking up and berating herself for incredibly poor judgment and a drunken lapse of morals.</p>
<p>Malignon, you wrote: “And isn’t Christine portrayed as having a postive attitude after reading the journal and willing to understand her ‘husband’s’ difficulty in dealing daily with her special needs? She does not come across as selfish or narrow-minded at all.”</p>
<p>I think she strains a bit to have empathy for Fake Ben. She is so dependent on him and doesn’t suspect that he might not be who he says he is, and it comforts her to think that he is a good guy. </p>
<p>Once or twice she says that Fake Ben is “not that bad looking, really”…or words to that effect. And she keeps reiterating how caring he is.</p>
<p>I think all of this is kind of to talk herself into feeling that a very uncomfortable situation is actually okay. She seems to want to love Fake Ben…to want to come up with logical reasons why she should love him…because not to do so would make her even more unhappy.</p>
<p>It surprised me that during the days when she reads the journal and ponders her situation and looks around for photos and such, she doesn’t reach any conclusions (early on, at least, before the omelette incident) about how controlling Fake Ben is. </p>
<p>The mail, for instance. Chris never seems to see it. Wouldn’t it be delivered to the house during the day when she is home? Wouldn’t you think that she’d look at it and search for clues about her and FB’s life, and write down what she discovers?</p>
<p>Do they have a land line? Probably not, and she doesn’t seem to wonder about this. Of course if they had a land line, the phone might ring and Chris might answer and speak to someone who could give away Fake Ben’s charade.</p>
<p>Quote from NJTheatreMOM :
I think all of this is kind of to talk herself into feeling that a very uncomfortable situation is actually okay. She seems to want to love Fake Ben…to want to come up with logical reasons why she should love him…because not to do so would make her even more unhappy.</p>
<p>OKAY how do you reply and include quote? I see the box in Quick Reply but can’t select it.</p>
<p>I agree that Chrissy is “convincing” herself to “love” FB…
Maybe FB has his mail sent to a PO Box and not his home.
She knows about Real Ben and Claire’s affair, correct? So, she is trying to be forgiving, feeling somewhat guilty for having cheated on who she thinks is REal Ben. And the journal toward the end definitely depicts a very favorable image of Ben–enough for her to cross out the DOn’t Trust Ben warning.</p>
<p>I think we have to base our sympathy or lack thereof on the TODAY version of Christine. The TODAY Chrissy is what she has become, progressed. Do we CARE about the TODAY Chrissy? How does she react to the Journal entries? What if FakeBen really were the real Ben, would we have a problem with how she reacts TODAY before the Hotel Room revelation?</p>
<p>My mother had Alzheimer’s for several years before she died. Even though she eventually forgot having children and remembering what happened moments earlier, she NEVER lost her pleasant personality unlike some Alzheimer’s sufferers. Her nurses commented on how happy she was even though she had to be very confused and frightened. Perhaps my sympathy for Chrissy arises from my mother’s experience. I plan on reading Still ALice–sounds amazing!</p>
<p>I read “Still Alice” a couple of years ago for my RL Book Club. Fascinating and frightening at the same time. Everyone sort of joked about how they would periodically worry they had Alzheimer’s when they couldn’t find their car keys, for example. One woman, though, put it in perspective – forgetting where you put your keys is one thing; forgetting what they’re for is on an entirely different level. (Her step father has Alzheimer’s.)</p>
<p>My mother had a relatively mild stroke 11+ years ago. Although she was/is still able to walk and talk, her memory was affected. At first she had issues with just short-term memory. Over the years, though, all her memory has been affected, and during the past year or two she has really declined. My father has taken on the entire running of the household – and this is a man who never did anything “domestic.” She remembers my brothers and me, but not necessarily our spouses or her grandchildren. She’s always pleasant and “compliant,” but knows she doesn’t remember things, and knows she’s a “burden” for my father. She seems to fixate on something and ask the same things over and over. All in all, her world at this point is severely limited – not unlike Christine’s. My mother truly lives one day at a time, and in some ways is even more limited than Christine. She (Chris) at least remembers everything from when she woke up until she goes to sleep. My mother doesn’t remember things 5 minutes after they happen. Not having your memories is just so very sad, and, IMO, closes off your sense of self.</p>
<p>It seems that several of you have a parent dealing with memory loss. How hard that must be for both your parent and you. May you have an overabundance of love and patience as you care for them.</p>
<p>My mother also had a stroke but never lost any memory function as far as we could tell. She did, however, lose all motor function. She spent her last three months bedridden. I remember thinking how hard it must be to depend on others for everything. She could no longer read because she couldn’t hold a book or turn the pages. Audio books didn’t work as she could not turn them on or off at will, adjust the sound, etc. TV didn’t work for the same reasons. Hard three months for all of us. No memory loss presented challenges in its own way. </p>
<p>Still, I could read Before I Go to Sleep and not relate to Christine’s memory loss on any personal level. I concentrated on the clues I knew to be scattered throughout the journal, particularly as I already knew Christine lived with Fake Ben. I actually found reading Christine’s journal scarier than the hotel room finale. </p>
<p>I find it interesting the personal experiences readers take into a book with them. I appreciate those of you who shared your parent’s experiences with either a brain tumor or Alzheimer’s. We all gain when we take a minute to remember not to take such a necessary thing as memory for granted. In this case, your insights into memory loss reminded me to be thankful that today I do recognize and remember loved ones.</p>
<p>Reading these posts has given me a greater appreciation for what S.J. Watson was trying to do—clearly, it’s difficult both to grasp and to express what a person with memory loss must be feeling. At the same time, I feel that as a thriller, the book has understandable limitations in this regard. For a better, more accurate, more compelling take on dealing with memory loss, I would rather read stories written by all of you, who have bittersweet, first-hand experience with a loved one. </p>
<p>I’ve been thinking about memory loss and identity in terms of my Dad, who suffered a stroke about a year ago. For all practical purposes, his memory remains intact—he knows exactly who he is and who we are; he knows his life story and his friends and his grandchildren, all of which is a blessing. But his cognitive decline has been steady, and each month he seems “younger” than the month before. For example, for his birthday this week, I called to tell him I was bringing over some homemade fudge. As he clumsily hung up the phone, I overheard him say excitedly to my mother, “Mary is bringing over fudge!” This would be the high point of his day–for a man who was the CFO of a complex organization for 30 years. So where is that identity—the high power executive, the sharp and witty mind? It has slipped gradually away, leaving behind someone who can be as simple and sweet as a child, and as petulant. For years, we strive to accomplish more, learn more, achieve more…but then so often, we do a mental “Benjamin Button” at the end, with our minds aging in reverse. I try to be accepting of this as I watch my Dad, and on good days, I can think of it in positive terms, as a stripping away of all that is non-essential, a sort of purification before the next life. On bad days, I just want to take his fudge away and give him a time-out. On all days, I wonder about what’s in store for me, as the years chug along far more rapidly than I’d like.</p>
<p>Mary and others very eloquent personal stories. I’m struck by how many of us have loved ones who have experienced mental decline. </p>
<p>This past summer I took 10 mg of Crestor to combat high LDL, and experienced cognitive and memory issues. I have discontinued the drug, and since found out that Lipitor, one of the most widely prescribed statin can cause Alzheimer’s type symptoms. This Philadelphia Inquirer article will explain, how simply discontinuing the drug had IMMENSE , life changing consequences for this former hospital administrator.
Please under no circumstances should anyone discontinue their meds without doctors guidance. </p>
<p>Huggggggggs to all of us here and our families…this thing called life is not easy. To think I joined this forum because I was confused about the right college fit for my D; all that worrying seems silly to me now!</p>
<p>I should clarify, that once I discontinued Crestor I felt fine! But, had I been a 70 year old my vague symptoms of forgetfulness, and difficulty finding the right word, would have just been dismissed as “normal” aging, unrelated to the statin. Beware.</p>
<p>So … I looked for a passage in the book (unsuccessfully) and stumbled across a detail previously missed.</p>
<p>On Nov. 9, the day Christine starts her journal, she records that Dr. Nash “called me this morning, collected me in his car, and drove me to his office.” Then on Nov. 12 Christine writes: “He gave me a cell phone, too, telling me it used to belong to his girlfriend […] Now I realize he gave it to me so that he can phone me without Ben knowing. He’d even said as much. I rang the other day and Ben answered. It might get awkward. This will make things easier.” Christine and Ben have a land line and Dr. Nash contacts her that way at first. Now I’ve decided we’re too picky. Dr. Nash could easily recharge Christine’s cell phone when he meets with her … either in his office or in his car. Moreover, she doesn’t need to record that detail in her journal. (Though I still think Fake Ben could easily find the extra cell in Christine’s purse when he goes to recharge the one he gave her. Oops … here I go again, picking at details.)</p>
<p>Back to looking for something in particular :p</p>
<p>I wanted to find something explain Christine’s attraction to Mike. At the time of the affair, Christine described Mike to Claire as nice, attractive … but to the older Christine that seems shallow. Christine asks Claire: “Did I have a lot of affairs?” Claire replies that once Christine met Ben, she was always faithful to him. So why? Adam was older at the time of the affair than I remembered: “He must have been three. Maybe four, just.” Rule out postpartum depression. </p>
<p>I’ve now circled back to writer’s block. Christine almost seems removed from the action here, doesn’t she? </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Boredom, frustration with writer’s block … Mary’s earlier words “grow up” still apply.</p>
<p>Good point – It’s as if Mike was used as fodder for Christine’s writing and nothing else. And that sheds a little light on the second half of question 7: </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>If he was merely an “experiment,” then no, she wasn’t being fair to Mike, although of course it’s hard to muster up a whole lot of sympathy for a psychopathic sexual abuser and would-be killer.</p>
<p>Mike never really comes across as affair material, neither in the past nor the present. He is usually described in terms that make him seem more of a sad sack than a dashing, romantic fling. Christine writes about seeing Mike naked and having “to suppress the urge to giggle;” at another time, she describes his “*****…bobbing comically as he walked,” and yet another time, noticing how he dresses, she writes, “the twentysomething me has to resist the urge to find him ridiculous.” In general, he’s a turn-off and not a turn-on, and I want to say, “Christine! What were you thinking?” </p>
<p>Inside, Christine may have been wondering the same thing. Because following an afternoon of illicit lovemaking with Mike, she sits down and writes the first sentence of Chapter Two of her new book–a prophetic sentence that foreshadows what is to come:</p>
<p>Lizzy did not know what she had done, or how it could be undone.</p>
<p>When I first read the novel, I started to think that “Ben” or “FB” was really her husband and he was the one who met her at the Hotel Room --to clarify, I did not think there was some attacker who wasn’t Chrissy’s husband.</p>
<p>That is why when Real Ben turned out to be a decent if not perfect guy and Chrissy’s ‘husband’ was really Mike, the revelation was totally unexpected and surprising.</p>
<p>I wonder if that is what the majority of the readers thought. If so, then the author truly manipulated us–another feather in Watson’s cap.</p>
<p>What conclusions did the rest of you come to before realizing that FB was her attacker and the one she had affair with?
Just curious if anyone thought as I did.</p>
<p>When Chris first experienced a memory of a man with a scar on his face, I thought that unknown man, who of course turned out to be Real Ben, must have been the attacker.</p>