My folks are in their 80s/90s now and we are also in our 60s and thereabouts. It’s still a challenge helping us and them navigate. I’m not sure having us when they were younger or even older would have helped much.
My goal was to have a baby by age 30. S was two weeks old when I turned 30! Perfect timing, though we were not totally ready financially, it was not such a disaster back in the 80s. I had seen the world and was really ready, if scared for the responsibility of being a parent. My second birth, twins, was at age 34, and as someone mentioned earlier, my 30s were given to pregnancy and the preschool years. I have had some empty nest years to save for retirement and enjoy life. Though I realized in my 50s that there is a hole in my life in not having grandchildren in my 50s, as it might give a better emotional focus to that time. Offspring are now in their 30s, and with no sign of grandchildren on the horizon. I come from a long lived family, but may be too old to participate as I’d like in the lives of grandchildren.
What I am surprisingly sharing with my kids is end of life care. Their dad has a fatal diagnosis, and my mom is 96, but doing better than their dad at this point. One never knows.
My dad had me when he was 23, my mom older. I appreciated having a younger and more vital dad in many ways. He was interesting and a great deal of fun, though passed away at age 74.
Where was everyone when I was so much older than most mothers? Met/married after 30, had only child at 36. Wanted another- didn’t work.
Reread thread title. As a physician I can state the best age to bear a child- ie have a baby, is in one’s twenties.
Being a parent, raising a child, is an entirely different matter. Hence the varied replies to this thread.
If you want the energy to keep up with them, 20. If you want the maturity, 40. As in all things parenting, it’s a compromise.
It’ll never really be right in all respects, so do it when you feel like you are ready. From a fertility POV, earlier is better – definitely before 35.
^I had plenty of energy in my 30’s when I had mine. Even with the second one who was born when I was turning 39.
Everyone is different.
@Meddy very true!
Also, it depends on what kind of careers each parent has. My niece and her husband got married at 22 and had their first kid at 27 and 2nd at 30. Both of them got very high paying jobs right out of college. When their 2nd was born they had just moved into a very nice 3300 sq ft house. They are now in their mid 30’s and make way more money that H and I ever have and ever will. They were making more then us in their 20’s. So, while S and I had good careers we weren’t super made of money when we had our kids, but we were better off in our 30’s then our 20’s. Heck we only met in our late to mid 20’s anyways. That said, we always had enough for the basics and some extras. When our kids were teenagers we had more money and could afford more.
27–32 years old in my opinion. And especially when you’re “ready” and willing to take on the adventure. There’s always that balancing act between fertility, energy and maturity.
Unfortunately you can never predict the sandwiching of taking care of kids and elderly parents.
Honestly, how much of this is really a conscious choice vs how things seem to line up (or not line up)?
@HImom —don’t know. Sometimes you can get a kid when you don’t want one and sometimes not get one when you do.
Some lucky ones have no problem with actual planning. I wasn’t one of them.
Well, we were relatively lucky. I was told by my ob/gyn I had to schedule and cancel endometrial surgery multiple times. My employer finally told me to get a new MD or a new job. I finally got a more decisive MD.
I was fortunate to be in a serious relationship after I had started my career and was pretty comfortable where I was. Shortly after we were married, the new MD said we should have kids immediately or never.
For us it turned out well and we were able to have our two kids shortly after we started trying. We know of many others who have not been as fortunate, as you say. Some were pregnant before they expected and some had to undergo a lot of medical procedures to make if possible, plus everything in between.
There are pros & cons to every age for having a child.
@HImom Yes, there are definitely pros and cons to every age when you have a kid. And it can really vary by person…
I wasn’t in a stable career until about age 26. My niece who I mentioned above had a stable very well paying career at 22. She met her husband in college. I didn’t meet mine until way after college…
Also, as much as I’d love grandchildren and as much as I’d want to be there for all their milestones, I want my kids to have kids because THEY want them, not because I want grandchildren. H and I had kids because we wanted to, though our parents loved being grandparents! Kids do not owe their parents grandchildren, being a grandparent is a nice bonus. My kids are adults, when and if they choose to have kids is up to them and their spouse…
I would have them early to mid twenties. I feel like an old mom now having had them at age 28-33.
I think so much depends on differing situations, etc. I live in DC suburbs so having kids in my 30’s was not a big deal. I a lot of places most women have children at that age. I have noticed that when we travel to the rural midwest to see family, people tend to marry (if they marry) and start families at a younger age. This was true both in my generation and for the young people now.
Cultural norms play a role ,too. I have co workers in their mid 40’s who were young moms (early/mid 20’s) who describe their own mothers as “old”. These moms are late 60’s-early 70’s. The co workers don’t realize that I am not much younger than that!
I have a coworker who is a grandma at 42, she had her first kid at 19…so her kid is having a kid at 23…
Personally, I wouldn’t want to be a grandma that young, but to each their own. It really varies by person, situation, cultural norm, etc…
I had mine at 30, 32, and 35 and never felt like an old mom.
@MaineLonghorn those ages are not old at all.
This is an awfully peculiar first post/first thread by a new poster. Just sayin’
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
I’m in agreement with @jym626 . Plus this is the OP’s only thread and has not returned. Given that this has all the hallmarks of a hit-and-run posting, and the discussion has turned into sharing when users had their kids, I’m closing. Additionally, it’s one of those unanswerable questions that seems to have been best answered on page one: "There literally is no right answer for this. "