Hank- I get it. I know a lot of people where one partner drives the truck in terms of finances (making more money, making budgets, prioritizing saving over spending) but there is the other partner to consider as well, and most of the time it works fine except during inflection points like a kid’s senior year in HS or major decisions like buying a house. Hugs to you.
It’s probably worth an hour ($125?) of a career coach’s time if your wife is amenable to have someone who is NOT her husband explain that she can make more money with similar effort. Your wife doesn’t want to hear it from you, but that doesn’t mean that she won’t hear it from someone else. I have a friend who just moved from an all-consuming job in the non-profit sector (one of these “work all day and go to events or development dinners at nights and weekends” types of jobs) to yet another all consuming job in the non-profit sector. The difference? She’s now executive director, has tripled her salary and eliminated her commute (her office is 8 minutes from home).
Do you know how many times her husband told her that for as hard as she was working she might as well be CEO of the organization? (a lot). Do you know how many times she complained to her friends about how she was being taken advantage of? (a lot). Did she listen to any of us? Heck no.
But she spent two hours with a career coach, ostensibly to revamp her resume and talk about her future, the result of which was that she realized she was not working to her full capacity, and a month later she had tripled her salary.
And she’s stopped complaining- at least to her friends. She works hard, but she’s well compensated, gets a month’s paid vacation which she has to use (the board forces her to take two weeks at a time), and I think as a family, they are a lot happier.
Your D’s health- that’s the most important thing. Big hug.