Best strategy for letters of recommendation when a relative is involved

In small towns everyone knows everyone in three different ways. This would not worry me having lived in a small town. An ex of mine, who grew up in a different small town, had his father for math 3 out of 4 years in high school (dad taught all the advanced classes).

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@LCSMOM, there is clearly a question as to whether this should be disclosed and a second question as to whether the disclosure would cause reviewers to effectively invalidate the letter of recommendation.

ShawSon was partially homeschooled (objectively brilliant kid with objectively significant learning disabilities). Several schools asked the head of his homeschooling program to write a recommendation. I (his father) was, in principle, the head of his homeschooling program. I called and asked if they really wanted his father to write a letter of recommendation (as well as a philosophy of the homeschooling program). When they said yes, I wrote the letter and stated that as his father this was an awkward letter to write. I explained my background (three degrees at elite institutions and a professorship at one) and serving as an alumni interview for my Ivy alma mater and that I’d had the ability to work with many extraordinarily bright people over the years. I explained that ShawSon was unusually bright and bright in unusual ways and explained. I gave a lot of specifics and also explained that he was objectively bad at several things and noted them as well.

What I can say is that he was admitted to every school that got this letter. Not sure if that is data beyond the anecdote. But, if his aunt discloses the relationship, she should explain that writing the rec is awkward but explain why she is a good person to write the rec and that she believes she will be objective in doing so. Giving some weaknesses as well as strengths will add credibility to her recommendation.

Maybe. It depends on what weaknesses a recommender mentions and how the writer covers said weakness. Certain weaknesses might be overlooked by admissions, while others won’t. I also think how a given app reader reacts to weaknesses is highly variable.

Generally, I wouldn’t advise LoR writers to discuss weaknesses. LoRs are overwhelming positive…when a recommender writes about a weakness or something negative, it really stands out. Certain weaknesses have been the reason I have denied otherwise strong apps…doesn’t work well in groups, has to work on communication skills, isn’t engaged unless interested in the topic and more.

I would have no issue with an LoR from a teacher who was the student’s aunt.

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Good point. Certain weaknesses might be OK. I had explained that because of his LDs, he would be terrible at foreign languages and music. But also, that was in the context of an extraordinarily positive recommendation and application – the deputy superintendent of schools asked if she could write a recommendation in which she said she was confident he would “make a significant impact in our world.” In that context, a couple of weaknesses seem to add credibility. But in general, I think your warning is correct.

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I agree with your decision, especially given the new context. And obviously your S’s success in college admissions supports your choice!

Why? She’s a teacher and that’s the capacity in which she would be writing. I grew up in a smaller town and my best friend’s parents played golf with the geometry teacher and the chemistry teacher and friend had known them both her entire life. Since my BF was going into nursing, if she needed a STEM reference, it likely would have come from one of these close family friends. The math teacher hosted BF’s bridal shower.

Home school parents write recommendations if they are required.

If one feels it may be ‘iffy’, disclose the relationship and let the school decide if they’d rather have no recommendation or one from someone who really knows the student -even to the point the writer has seen him in his pajamas! If I were an AO, I’d rather have a letter from a teacher who really knows the student than from one who had the student for one year, along with 200 other students, and could only write that 'he was a delight to have in class."

Thanks everyone. I wanted to come back to let you know that after much discussion, my son decided to ask his Physics teacher to write his primary recommendation letter. While not related directly to his intended major, he felt that this teacher could speak to his academic qualities sufficiently, as he has taken two classes with him this year and will be taking AP Physics with him next year.

A new question, and maybe one that I’ll create a separate thread for: my son is also on our city’s Mayor’s Youth Council and has been for a few years. There are no specific leadership roles on the council but my son has taken the lead on specific projects for the council and the mayor knows him by name and seeks him out when they are both at public events. The mayor most recently asked my son to do a reading at our city’s celebration of the semiquincentennial this summer. Would it be appropriate or helpful for my son to seek a supplemental letter of recommendation from the mayor, given his academic interests?

As long as the mayor can write a meaningfully personal letter, that sounds like a reasonable case for adding a supplemental recommendation.

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For colleges that accept additional recommendations only. Some simply do not.

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Yes, good point. Only where they accept such supplemental recommendations.

The academics matter most but I worry less about tie in (i.e. Physics is great no matter the intended major) and more about - can they speak about their qualities, etc. and what value they’ll add.

Some schools may require a 2nd academic letter - so check your list to see - while other schools ask for one or some even none.

Get good letters - don’t worry about the connection per se (on the academic side) but the politician sounds like can be a good candidate to show your student’s strengths - for schools that allow it.

Good luck.

If the school district deems it fine to have an aunt as a classroom teacher (inclusing assigning grades) then a LOR from that person should be fine as well.