<p>The father sent her to live with the mother despite seeing evidence that the girl was being abused there. Friends of the father were so concerned that they even offered to take custody of the girl. The father’s still sending her back to live permanently with her mother certainly indicates a great lack of judgment and possibly a lack of concern for the girl.</p>
<p>Most people don’t have an understanding of how many children are first and foremost inconveniences to their parents. It sounds as though she was an inconvenience to the father so he rationalized letting her go to her mother. Unfortunately, she was a commodity to the mother.</p>
<p>Fine, upstanding citizens who are great parents don’t send their kids to live with drug-addicted abusers. There’s got to be more about the father that we haven’t heard.</p>
<p>when CPS fails to remove children in homes that they KNOW are unsafe, it isn’t too hard to imagine someone who wants to believe that a mother wants to care for her child, even if they suspect abuse, if they haven’t actually witnessed it.</p>
<p>It does show lack of judgement, but who is going to suspect that your childs parent is going to have them killed?</p>
<p>[Video</a> - Breaking News Videos from CNN.com](<a href=“Video News - CNN”>Video News - CNN)</p>
<p>Shaniya’s brother speaks out.</p>
<p>“It does show lack of judgement, but who is going to suspect that your childs parent is going to have them killed?”</p>
<p>It also shows a lack of empathy for the child. Even if the mom had been perfect, most parents who had raised a child for years wouldn’t send the child far away to live permanently with another parent just to give the other parent a chance to be a mom. They’d realize that it would be emotionally difficult for the child to separate from the parent who’d raised them.</p>
<p>When one looks at this situation and reads that the child previously had come back from her mother’s previously with cigarette burns on her body, and other people were so worried they were offering to take custody of the child, I can’t think of any thoughtful reason why the father would have sent her back.</p>
<p>Perhaps the father believes in forgiveness–the idea that people can make mistakes but turn their lives around. Perhaps he has made mistakes in his life, asked for forgiveness, and successfully turned his life around. Perhaps he had hoped that the mother did indeed turn her life around and because of his life experiences, gave her the benefit of the doubt. We just don’t know.</p>
<p>Forgiveness is fine. What I don’t understand is sending a child that one has cared for for years to a parent who has been dysfunctional, and saying you did this just to give the other parent a chance to be a mother. Children aren’t toys to be borrowed and lent. I also don’t understand why one would send one’s beloved child to people whom one has evidence have abused her.</p>
<p>One can forgive another person, but still hold them responsible for their behavior, and one can do things to prevent their hurting one’s loved ones again.</p>
<p>I’m sure more of the story will come out. The fact that some people on CC would rather deflect the story from the abusive Mom and her lowlife friends who are directly culpable for this little girl’s abuse and death is surprising. Is race playing a role in the way different people are viewing this story?</p>
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<p>Huh? Where the heck is this coming from? What she did is inexcusable. I also think that the person who had the last clear chance to protect this child was her father. It defies common sense, to me, that you drop your child off with someone who lives a long way away and who seemingly hasn’t spent much time with the child in several years as an “experiment” to see if she can handle it. I think it is perfectly fair to question this. His first duty was to his child - not to the mother. He could forgive the mother without delivering his daughter to her. </p>
<p>What’s that got to do with race?</p>
<p>The father is caucasian. The mother is African-American. People on CC represent many racial groups. I mentioned race because I was curious if race plays a role in the way we view this story. We are all horrified by what happened to this little girl. I was just curious if race somehow plays a role in how each of us places blame. Yes, I place blame on the dad for letting the girl live with her mom. Yes, I place blame on him for being so naive as to think that someone with this woman’s history could change for the better. Then again, perhaps his background and life story supports his idea that people can change if given the chance. As I mentioned earlier, we don’t know the entire story. Some, however, seem to focus more on the role of the father than the mother. I’m curious as to whether one’s race plays a role in how we view this story–to whom we direct our dismay towards.</p>
<p>I can’t see the race angle here. This is a five year old child, period. I do not understand the willingness for the father to let the birth mother have such a role , other than perhaps supervised visits . I admit that I have not seen every news report of this case
( because I am overwhelmed lately that I need to turn off the TV and put music on instead )
We do not know the whole story for sure . My husband’s ex-wife has had custody of their daughter since they divorced when she was two. While she is no crack head, it is very clear that she is mentally unstable in so many ways , yet my husband held on to his belief that a mother and child should be together.
I didn’t understand it 15 yrs ago , and I still don’t… and now that she is 17 , he grapples with his decisions made so may years ago.
That is the only possible parallel I can find with this horrible tragedy</p>
<p>I doubt the dad will ever stumble upon the comments posted here. However, his little girl has died in truly horrific circumstaces, and I’m sure that he’s beating himself up for having let his D go live with her mom. He made a very bad decision and I’m sure he regrets it. There’s no need to pile on “it’s all his fault.” </p>
<p>We all see things through the prism of our own experience. For reasons having to do with the upbringing of someone in my family, I don’t find it hard to believe that a man might think a little girl he loved would be better off having a mother than growing up without one. I’m going to continue to believe that this father did what he thought was best for his little girl unless solid evidence develops that he didn’t. In the photos of her it certainly doesn’t seem to me that she was a neglected or abused child. She doesn’t look malnourished, for example, and the smile on her fact seems genuine. I think speculating that her dad “just didn’t want her around” is unfair. </p>
<p>Additionally, from what I can figure out, the mother had another child, a 7 year old boy. So far, there’s no evidence that that child had been abused. So maybe–yeah, I’m guessing–but maybe part of dad’s thought process was that mom was coping well with one child and wanted her daughter. Maybe he even thought it would be good for his daughter to grow up with a sibling close to her in age.</p>
<p>Plus, add in the fact that reality is, believe it or not, that if mom came after him for custody, he’d probably lose. Having been a drug addict doesn’t in and of itself make you an unfit mother in the eyes of the law. She had a job and had kept it for six months, she had a home of her own, she was raising her other child and she wanted her little girl. What if she really hadn’t wanted the little girl before and now she did?</p>
<p>I can’t imagine a greater punishment for bad judgment than this man has suffered.</p>
<p>Race didn’t enter my mind until I read the last few comments. It didn’t appear to enter anyone else’s, either.</p>
<p>jonri, I agree with your post. </p>
<p>It seemed to me as though some posts on this thread seemed to focus more on the action of the father rather than on the despicable actions of the mother. I was curious as to why and wondered if our own race and/or upbringing was the reason for such differences. It wasn’t meant to flame the thread. In all honesty, I was trying to understand the differences in my feelings and opinions on this story and those expressed by other posters.</p>
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<p>A child can be terribly abused and not turn out to be a person who inflicts pain on others. First of all, she wasn’t with the mother for that long. Had she lived, had the father figured things out and taken her away, she could have been saved. She could have been given help and she could have been okay. Her early, formative years might have been healthy. Children are enormously resilient. While it is true that many people in prison were abused, it is important to remember that not all abused children end up in prison and that many do go on to live productive lives. Can all kids with horrendous experiences be saved? No. But some can. I’ve worked with a lot of survivors of terrible abuse who are not hurting others – it’s far more common that they get re-injured over and over and over again because their boundaries have been so badly violated.</p>
<p>mimk6, I identify with what you are saying about people who have been abused and not turned out to be abusive themselves… I just lost someone who fits this description to suicide…couldn’t have been a more nurturing person , but from what I can assume has lived a lifetime of pain that was too much to bear…
I am not tring to pin the blame on the father…I just am so sad for all of the countless other victims who are still alive, living amongst us that we have yet to read about. These stories just seem to be hitting closer and closer to ALL of us… and what are our roles in society to speak about about those who we may suspect of violating the most innocent of all ?</p>
<p>I blame Mom, but what about Dad sending her back to mom and grandma after she comes home with CIGARETTE BURNS, and says that grandma did that to her!!! He should have called police right away and severed all ties with the Mom. He did not protect his daughter and according to fatherinlaw and friend he was aware of this. Sickening.</p>
<p>“I’m sure more of the story will come out. The fact that some people on CC would rather deflect the story from the abusive Mom and her lowlife friends who are directly culpable for this little girl’s abuse and death is surprising. Is race playing a role in the way different people are viewing this story?”</p>
<p>Huh? What does race have to do with the fact that although friends were so concerned that they offered to take custody of the child, the father still sent the D back to live with her mother even though the D had returned from such visits before with cigarette burns over her body.</p>
<p>Both parents are culpable in my opinion. Race has nothing to do with this.</p>
<p>Humanity failed this little one. Her father, her mother, her grandmother, the whole lot of them. White, black, race is a non-issue here. She was little, she was helpless and filthy, despicable people did horrible things to her. I commend those who cared enough to offer to take her in and deplore a system which permitted this to happen. No one reported anything to the authorities? And if they did, was the “system” too bogged down to act? Mom was using drugs and dad had kids by a couple of women…did anyone want Shaniya for herself? The mother is pregnant, again, and what kind of father lets his other children, both still teenagers (the daughter can’t be more than 15) be used by the news media for sensationalist interviews? You need a license to keep a dog but anyone can have children and treat them worse than the hound out in the back yard. I am absolutely sickened by this and it’s worse the more I see.
This is one little angel who won’t be here for Christmas this year- may I suggest that you take a moment to make a contribution to your local chapter for Missing and Exploited Children or volunteer some time to help in the Children’s Waiting Room at your local office of Family Court, or do whatever you can to help ensure that children like Shaniya are not forgotten.</p>