I think that for your very close friends, you should tell them if you think you have a decent chance of admission to at least one school. Best friends/very good friends are special & deserve to really be let in to your life. For “ok” friends, it depends. If they are in the same group as a bestie/almost bestie, you need to tell them too, so they don’t feel left out.
As I know this thread may be read next year, I’m gonna say the best time to tell your friends is during the process. It will explain some of your time away from them as you do everything for a strong application. They might even surprise you & provide some encouragement when you feel stressed or doubtful during the process.
My son was really not wanting to tell his close friend group, and also his two best friends from outside that group. He was worried to seem like a “bad friend,” and a bit about possible gossip. But he was starting to miss sleepovers, get togethers because of studying for the SSAT. He made excuses but his friends have some of the same classes so they didn’t understand how he had so much more “homework” on the weekends. Once he told, he felt so much better. His friends now understood why he was unavailable sometimes. They stepped up, wishing him good luck before the SSAT & asking how his app was going. He promised that when his app was done, he’d be able to hang out more, and now that has happened.
Look for opportunities to tell your friends:
- explaining your absence from school (for b.s. interviews, tours, travel)
- explaining why you can’t come over (SSAT study/test date, working on essays, etc)
- conversations re: older sibs studying for SAT (you are in similar situation with SSAT)
- conversations re: next year’s classes, or the high school teachers
- conversations about what everyone hopes to do in h.s. (teams, etc)
- a mention of someone who goes to a private high school
- watching a h.s. game (or making plans to do so) with your middle school friends
- conversations about colleges (if some are in the region of the b.s.'s you applied to)
- your college sib or your friend’s sib coming home for break (it’ll be you next year)
- talking about Thanksgiving plans ('cause you are studying for SSAT or doing apps)
- talking about Christmas plans ('cause finishing your app)
Best friends are the hardest to tell. But you need to think about your best friend’s feelings. They are imagining all of the good times you two are going to have in your four years of high school together, so you need to tell them about your b.s. plans soon, so that they can start imagining a different four years. Otherwise you are setting your best friend up for a big letdown, and that is not kind. There is not a “perfect” time. But IMO, sooner is better. It leaves less room for hurt feelings because you were upfront.
ps This advice is more for kids who are in schools & communities where boarding school (or even private school) is uncommon. If you go to a private middle school or are in a region where boarding school is an option or is typical for some kids, then I would think more opportunities may come up to talk about it.