<p>Another tip for countering bullying: put your statements to the school in writing. Your complaints become more serious that way.</p>
<p>S was bullied by some other boy when he was around 8-9. H called the kid’s father and told him to take care of it. Fortunately, the other parents took the matter seriously. I think one of the problems which often occurs - the bully’s parents are themselves bullies, or don’t really care (or see) what their kid does.</p>
<p>Sylvan, you are right. That is part of the problem with bullying. Many parents see their kids through rose colored glasses.<br>
I teach at an elementary school and parents call all the time to complain that their child is being bullied (as they should). My principal always initiates a discussion with the parent about being prepared to hear all sides of the story. Often, upon investigation, parents will find out that their little angel may have initiated the problem or compounded it. </p>
<p>When our kids come home from school, we hear their side of stories. The reality may be that the other child has been victimized by our child or the facts may fall somewhere in between the two versions.</p>
<p>As far as retaliation, it should not be encouraged but…part of growing up is understanding that there are natural consequences for our actions. If you touch a hot burner, you get a burn. If you put your hand in the way of a closing locker, you might get a broken hand. That’s life.</p>
<p>The father of my son’s aggressor was indicted for the drowning death of his wife a few years after we were “involved” with him. The charges were dropped due to a technicality, but the local police were very aware of the domestic abuse history of this family. The bullying did not occur in a vacuum.</p>
<p>Did I miss something that explained why on earth this was being filmed? And who uploaded it to the internet? And why it made international news? I thought the whole situation was a setup: the bully must have known he was being filmed; you hear the person filming telling people to get out of the background.</p>
<p>My guess is that the bully wanted it filmed never guessing that it would turn out so badly for him. The video person did what most boys do - he shared it because it was probably ‘fun’ to watch. And once you share it… well, we all know what happens then - it ends up on the internet. </p>
<p>If it is true that Casey was repeatedly bullied by this kid, then he certainly showed great restraint. In fact, in the video, the bully punched him twice in the face before Casey responded. That in itself shows restraint. He did not immediately respond with force. Had the bully not continued with his violence, he most likely would have walked away unharmed.</p>
<p>That stuff is on You tube a lot. Adds to the whole twisted thing.</p>
<p>I find the comments here very interesting because it appears most of us agree that the bully got what he deserved. DD met us for dinner last night and DH asked if either of us had seen that particular video. We had not, so he showed it to us. DD appeared disgusted with DH and me when we commented that the bully got what he deserved. She said no one deserves treatment like that on either side. DH and I told her that bullies typically continue their behavior until someone gives them a reason to stop. I can’t be sure that particular bully will never bother someone else, but I’m willing to bet he’ll never bother that boy again. </p>
<p>I reminded DD of an incident when she was in elementary school. For a period of approximately one week, she came home on a daily basis telling me how a girl in her class kept pinching her cheeks. I told her she should tell the teacher, but DD claimed that would be tattling. I then suggested she loudly say, “Chelsea, stop pinching me!” each time it happened so the teacher would recognize there was a problem. I really wanted to march up to the school and tell them what was happening, but I also wanted DD to learn to handle things like that on her own (tell the teacher, administration, etc.). After several days of continued complaints, I finally told DD that the next time the girl started to pinch her, she should throw up her hand and say, “Wait, my mom said the next time you pinch me I have to slug you or she’ll punish me and I don’t want to be punished.” The girl never bothered her again. I was fully prepared to go to bat for DD if she slugged the girl.</p>
<p>I agree with posts 25 and 26, but to comment only on the content of the tape:
What if the situations had been reversed, and like is more typical, the far bigger boy had been the bully? If that smaller fellow had somehow slugged the big kid and put a stop to it, most here would have cheered for the (apparent)underdog, and felt the big guy got what was coming. Any fair-minded person must see that people have a right to defend themself against a bully no matter their stature. In this case the big fellow appears to have had a much easier time stopping it, but because he’s bigger does not lessen his right to defend himself.</p>
<p>Standing up for yourself against a bully pretty much always works even if you dont win the fight. Bullies aren’t true alpha males, or they wouldn’t need to keep seeking validation by harassing people they view as weaker. They like the path of least resistance; if you stand up to them they’ll move on to the next target, someone who won’t fight back. They also don’t usually want to actually get kicked out of school, and if they keep getting in fights with people defending themselves, they’ll be expelled. I fought a bully in hs, more or less to a draw, but he did get in one really good shot on me. Yeah-if I’d started crying or something it might have been a positive thing for him, but I shook it off. He didnt even speak to me for the rest of the year, and later got expelled after getting in a fight with another student.</p>
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<p>You did not get punished by the school? Seems from most of the stories here that the usual reaction from the school is to blame and punish the victim.</p>
<p>Yes, I did get punished. We fought in the lunch room, when no teachers were present. While a few people were egging us on, others were shouting to stop, and went to go get teachers. They initially said we’d both get 1 day of ISS, but my parents flipped and turned it on them and asked why they hadn’t bothered to supervise the lunch room in the first place, and why I should get suspended for defending myself. They changed it to us both getting saturday detention. Of course it had to be equal. Never mind the fact this kid was a known bully and I was an AP student. I’d previously worried about having an ISS on my record and how it would effect college apps, but I finally had enough and decided I couldnt worry about that.</p>
<p>You’re right, they do blame the victim. This time it was equal punishment because there was a real fight, but had I just flipped and thrown the first punch after a bunch of physical and verbal taunts I have no doubt they would have pinned it on me. I had to be careful and think like a bully to escalate it to the point where he couldn’t claim I started it.</p>
<p>My point was that you dont have to win to stop the bullying or gain people’s respect. Yeah, I took a pretty solid hit and got in trouble to boot, but everyone including his own friends were positive to me afterward and he didnt say a single word to me after that.</p>
<p>I’ll take that outcome over me asking him for the 200th time to stop and him laughing and me telling the teachers, who do nothing. These “bullying experts” that keep getting referenced in the casey articles that say violence is never the answer need to be locked up. What was he supposed to do, just cover his face and stand there and take it and yell for a teacher? That’s absurd. Yes, maybe he couldnt have subdued the kid with less force than a bodyslam, but in the heat of the moment, he can’t be required to analyze all angles. After slamming the kid he could have kept punching him in the head while he was down, but instead he just walked off and left-exactly what he should have done. If an adult got attacked on the sidewalk like that and reacted the way Casey did, he would be well within his right to act like that in response to battery. It’s a tough lesson to learn for a little kid bully, but I bet he thinks twice next time before he tries to hunt what he can’t kill.</p>
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Sorry, but if you are willing to start the fight with someone larger than you, the lesson is expect to get really hurt in the end. In this situation, it is difficult to modulate strength when someone is kicking your a. s. s.</p>
<p>Reminds me of the old joke about the farmer and the mule that he couldn’t get to move, while a second farmer says that he can talk to the mule and solve the problem. The second farmer clobbers the mule with a 2 X 4 and the first farmer objects, saying “You said you were going to talk to him!” The second farmer replies “Yes, but first I needed to get his full attention.” </p>
<p>I think the big fellow spoke eloquently in the video clip.</p>
<p>Casey was restrained until he was anything but. The way he lifted and body slammed the bullying kid onto the pavement, he could have easily ended up in a coma or dead. Casey was just lucky that the bully didn’t get dropped on his head. Both should be suspended.</p>
<p>If my son was the bully, not only would he be disciplined at home, but I would petition the school to not punish Casey. Fortunately, I didn’t raise a bully, instead he was the one who would stand up for the smaller guy and luckily, he never had to get physical.</p>
<p>Casey’s defending himself may have stopped the bully from bothering him in the future. But how does this help others? The real key it seems to me, is for someone to intervene with the bully, get to the root of the problem, and help him stop his behavior - toward everyone, not just Casey.</p>
<p>I’ve heard there is a movement among some schools to identify bullies, and tackle the probelm at the source. That makes a lot of sense.</p>
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<p>oh well. The parents can have another kid and try to train him better.</p>
<p>I know this is not what the courts would say, but I do not believe you should be able to attack other people without consequences. It is ridiculous. Just like the rules that if you hurt a robber in your house, often times the person getting robbed gets in trouble. Doesn’t make any sense.</p>
<p>It occurs to me that it’s possible that the bully got what he deserved AND Casey should be punished along with the bully. They are not mutually exclusive outcomes.</p>
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<p>Some places have a “castle doctrine” while some do not. And resisting a crime tends not to mean being able to continue to hurt the suspect after he is no longer an immediate threat.</p>