<p>Buttox - for smooth, wrinkle free cheeks? ;)</p>
<p>“He walked into the Democratic Party,
Like he was walking onto a yacht.
His hair strategically plastered in place,
With a whole can of spray-on crap.”</p>
<p>…I gotta work on that last line.</p>
<p>Try and fit the word ‘breezily’ in there somewhere. :)</p>
<p>French flowed from his lips, like foam from a bottle of pop? :)</p>
<p>His chest swelled with pride, his medals all a glitter.</p>
<p>Liberal women swooned, their voices all a twitter? :)</p>
<p>maybe “RICH liberal women swooned, their voices all a twitter.” Gotta get the word “ketchup” in there too.</p>
<p>“He ordered a glass of champagne,
And then a dry martini.
Explained it later as: Yeah, I ordered the bubbly,
before I ordered against it.”</p>
<p>And would we have a song for our misunderestimated president: How about “Strangers in the night?” Or the theme song from Midnight Cowboy: “Everybody’s staring at me/ I can’t hear a word they’re saying/Only the echoes of my mind…”</p>
<p>I was an undergrad at Boston College when Kerry was a law student there. Word around campus was that his idea of foreplay was to grit his teeth and say, “Don’t…touch…the…HAIR!”</p>
<p>Breezily, he walked into the Democrat Party,
as tho’ he sauntered on his yacht.
His hand gripped a bottle, 'twas Ketchup - of his own lands!
His hair plastered strategically,
with a peck of spray-on crap.
His eyes flashed defiantly, and glowered with the rap,
‘Fools are they who shirk the academic role, for Iraq is their reward!
Forget G-d, forget country, forget kinsman, for Power is the Joy!
Give me mine, he demanded. It is my right. Tho’ I lost, I Win -
my due is your reward, pay it now! Lest I crack you with my prow.</p>
<p>Swooned his fair ladies did, his medals all a flashin’. Then a pain struck -
from behind - No matter, thought he, ‘twas but my wound of war. The splinter did remind him, of grenades lost to fumblin’. </p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>*Standing at the airport
with my suitcase in my hand
through the hoi polloi I saw Senator Heinz
–the Ketchup man–he says to me, </p>
<p>hey John, gotta catch a flight
I says, alright (ah…the Jet-set life; the swanky wife)
but hey John, guess what: life aint fair
and your flight–well its bout to as-s-crash</p>
<p>[ A-M-F <em>adios my friend</em> (;))]</p>
<p>And I dont mean to sound crass
But after your gone this stag Democrat’s
gonna be getting all up on your swanky wife
and–chiching–spending your sassy cash.*</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>OK, guys and gals, since you have decided to hijack my thread and focus on jokes about Kerry, a sampling:</p>
<p>“John Kerry now getting slammed by the Republicans because of a botched joke he did about President Bush and Iraq in a recent speech. Kerry was stunned about this. He said, ‘What? People are listening to my speeches?’” --Jay Leno</p>
<p>“John Kerry went hunting today. He said he killed a goose. He didn’t bring Teresa along because he was a little rusty and he was afraid he might kill the goose that laid the golden egg.” --Jay Leno</p>
<p>“Senator John Kerry is in trouble for making a joke about soldiers being uneducated. As a result, Kerry promised to stop making jokes and stick to boring people.” --Conan O’Brien</p>
<p>“The latest issue of GQ magazine, John Kerry talks about what a man should look for in a woman. GQ? If John Kerry is going to talk about what he likes in a woman, shouldn’t it be in Fortune or Money magazine?” --Jay Leno</p>
<p>“There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, ‘I do.’” -Craig Kilborn</p>
<p>FS, jokes are one thing but that was in very poor taste. I would expect more from you.</p>
<p>Always,</p>
<p>I think you’re being a little hard on the Jr. Senator from Massachusetts; perhaps he really does love Ms Heinz…and not just her high society chips and buxom wealth.</p>
<p>–But, on the outside chance that you meant that my little ditty was below your expectations, let me say in my defense that I have had no creative writing classes (and I can’t believe I spelled “you’re” as “your”…do I feel stupid), not one. Honestly, I hope to in the future, and you’ll probably be cheered to know that I’ve come to expect more from ‘me’ as well to be completely honest; but it is so nice to know that there are others out there, with high expectations, that are not afraid to cheer me on, even with criticism, in public. </p>
<p>Gonna keep on tryin
Till I reach my highest ground
No ones gonna bring me down
Oh no
…Cause it wont be too long</p>
<p>Cheers,</p>
<p>E//</p>
<p>FS, you may think that you’re being amusing but making jokes about someone dying in a plane crash is in poor taste. My sister-in-law knows the family of one of the children who was killed in the schoolyard where the plane and helicopter fell after colliding. There’s nothing funny about it.</p>
<p>Alwaysamom,</p>
<p>That you sister-in-law knows someone who died bears not at all on whether or not it is funny to make jokes involving the death of celebrities and politicians or more properly those who benefit from their demise, even innocently.</p>
<p>Fwiw, they say Elvis–the King of Rock-n-Roll–died on his throne. </p>
<p>Still, in case you know someone who knew Elvis–I’m ducking.</p>
<p>Elvis is…dead??? :eek:</p>
<p>WHEN???</p>
<p>FS, sorry but as hard as you try to spin it, it’s still not amusing. It wasn’t just John Heinz who died in that crash. There were several others in addition to the young child I mentioned above.</p>
<p>I hear there was ketchup all over the place</p>
<p>Of course Ketchup is Tasteless–no gourmand could long endure it–but I can’t stop laughing…</p>
<p>…‘all over the place’…‘ketchup’</p>
<p>Best one-liner of the week!</p>
<p>Isn’t there some kind of award for this kind of tastless genius on cc?</p>
<p>…got it!</p>
<p><em>THE HOTDOG</em></p>
<p>Kerry and Bill Clinton are 2 perfect examples of the sorts of guys whom women seem to find irresistable; which often amazes men, because I think men tend to be able to see through their type EASILY. Women, who are usually more perceptive than men, seem to be blind to these guys’ OBVIOUS sleaziness…maybe they just like guys who spend as much time on their hair as they do.</p>