GK,
I see nothing dishonest in taking a look at a college you think it is highly unlikely that your daughter would attend. I have been through this rodeo several times and my biggest surprise for each has been that the end result looks nothing like the original path. I suspect others on this site may have had a similar experience. That is why we use the mantra “cast a wide net.”
Believe me, the coach is casting an even wider net if you include all the potential recruits. One D3 coach has explained that he starts with 1800 recruits and starts narrowing.
I get it if your daughter would feel uncomfortable saying “I am really interested in attending this particular urban D1 college” because right now she isn’t. How about saying “I’m really interested in playing collegiate soccer. I would like to watch a practice. Are your practices open. Would you let me watch?”
My point is that – for most people (not everyone) – recruiting is a very long and difficult process. It also can be expensive. The best advice here is Dread’s: You don’t want coaches to watch your daughter play willy nilly. You do want them to watch her when she is peaking. Maybe if she is a superstar (and very tall) she can catch someone’s eye before she peaks. But, more than likely, you will want a few “throw away” experiences for her to dispense with the jitters so she is prepared when the real thing comes along.
The role of the parent here is to support and guide. It will provide countless lessons for your child. But that also means the parent needs to be brutally honest with him or herself. What marketing approach works best given my kid’s individual skills. How would my kid best fit into the landscape of college soccer. In my view, watching a college practice can be a valuable first step to understanding the demands of college soccer, particularly for a keeper who may have to ride the pine for a couple of years.