<p>no! you pay them so save you grief!</p>
<p>I think TV shows have led to unreasonable expectations about how elaborate weddings need to be. I realize that traditions differ around the country and among different groups, but lots of people still have a wedding in the church and a reception in the church social hall with nice but not super-expensive food. I’ve been to plenty of weddings in this model that were still very nice.</p>
<p>I’m in my early fifties and while my husband and I paid for our own wedding (there was no one else TO pay for it!), that was certainly not the norm where I come from. It was customary for the bride’s family to pay for the wedding regardless of how old she was. I think it’s much more common today for everybody to pitch in, but this bride just graduated from college a year or two ago, and I think her dad was expecting to pay for her wedding and that was the assumption she was going on. The job loss JUST happened late last week, so I’m not even sure he’s told her yet. Very traditional family. </p>
<p>My niece, OTOH, got married a couple of months ago in San Francisco. She and her new husband paid for the entire thing themselves, because she’s in her early 30s and makes a lot of money. Her mom and dad, aside from being invited to the wedding, had no say whatsoever in its planning or execution. It was a lovely affair, but the bride’s brother and sister (whose travel she offered to pay for) couldn’t afford the lost wages that would be involved in traveling across the country. Her parents helped fund her computer science degree and I don’t think she expected anything beyond that from them. </p>
<p>The one place I wouldn’t skimp is what he suggested - gratuities. The wait staff depend on those for their income.</p>
<p>We self-funded our wedding, and we drastically lowered costs for flowers, photographer, and had a cold buffet instead of a plated lunch. Mornings are cheaper than afternoons; afternoons are cheaper than evenings.</p>
<p>A friend’s daughter was married on a weekday (M-THursday, not Friday) and that tremendously lowered the cost of the venue, the photographer, and the catering. There are only so many Saturdays in May.</p>
<p>Thanks, @arabrab.</p>
<p>I don’t think he’s trying to cheat anybody out of their gratuities, but he thought they sounded high (~22%); I really don’t know what the going rate is down there, though.</p>
<p>I’m not sure if the date is set in stone, but certainly a midweek wedding seems to be a great way to save money!</p>
<p>Another no for skimping on gratuities. You get what you pay for.
After my D’s wedding, the staff loaded ALL the flower arrangements (at least 15 huge ones in tall vases plus many smaller ones) into our rented van. They were eager to help with other chores also.</p>
<p>I have been to weddings where the service was really poor…the first tables that were served were finished with their dinner before the last tables were served. They skimped on the number of wait staff.</p>
<p>I’d down grade my reception before take on a weekday. I think weekday causes so much problem to the guests that makes everything unpredictable.</p>
<p>Most of my Cousin’s wedding we went to were done in a church and a reception close by, some in a rented hall with catering, one was in the school cafeteria. Those are the low cost weddings and as a first generation immigrant, our family did not have much money. Now a days, my nephews and nieces are spending lavishly, in vineyards and high style venues because the family became more affluent.</p>
<p>For the father who had lost his job and don’t know when the next drink will be, I think they should curtail a little bit so to save some for the rainy days. Wedding is all about yourselves, it can be extravagant, it also could be no frill, </p>
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<p>Where we are, the gratuities are around 25% for weddings.
And yes, they can tax on the gratuities also because it is mandatory. We are in the Bay Area.</p>
<p>This really depends on the B and G and dad’s finances. I got married in my parent’s back yard and still consider it the best wedding ever.
Orlando has a number of really pretty parks that may serve them well as a wedding venue if they want an outdoorsy wedding. Or head towards Cocoa Beach for a beach wedding and look into booking hotel space. It’s a matter of how much time, work and planning one is willing to do.
Maybe with a budget we could give you some better suggestions. </p>
<p>Most wedding planners will have different service options available. Typically, you can have them organize/supervise from start to finish or you can have them provide assistance for the day itself. We used the same wedding planner for the weddings of three of our daughters. It was the best decision we made. We had established a budget and advised her of that right from the beginning. Her fee was a percentage of the budget, I can’t actually recall what the percentage was, to be honest. I know that she saved us money on certain items, e.g., flowers, limos, the gowns and attendants’ dresses, the cake, the photographer, to name a few. I never really kept track of how the discounts compared to her fee. </p>
<p>The real benefit of a planner is her expertise and her being responsible for virtually everything. Having her experience at meetings with venues, bridal shops, caterers, florists, bakeries, etc. was invaluable, in my opinion. She knew things that we would never have thought of in a million years. She attended every meeting with the B&G and us. The best thing, as far as I’m concerned as the MOB, was her being in charge on the day itself so that I could enjoy the day without worry. She and her staff were there from start to finish on the day and didn’t leave until they’d packed everything - gifts, floral arrangements, change of clothes, leftover food, bouquets, etc. into the cars to transport home. </p>
<p>It was worth it to us because I wanted to enjoy the day, and remember it, without running around making sure that everything was as it should be. The day goes by so incredibly quickly that I didn’t want to miss a minute spending time talking with the caterer or the florist or the bakery delivering the cake, I didn’t want to be concerned that guests had cold water and fans available, I didn’t want to be organizing the best spot to put the musicians, or to make sure that the timeline ran smoothly, or that the photographer kept on his schedule so that the families and wedding party weren’t kept away from the other guests for too long.</p>
<p>Some people prefer to do all of that themselves but we wanted to enjoy the day without worry and be able to spend time with our family and friends who were attending. We also didn’t want to expect that they should have to jump in and help with things. It worked well for us.</p>
<p>By the way, re: your question about negotiating at different venues, we did not find that that was possible. However, one way to save money at some places is to be willing to have the wedding on a day other than a Saturday. Have they set a date yet? May 2015 isn’t far away and I know that at most popular venues here, they’d all be long booked by now.</p>
<p>Ditto everything alwaysamom said.</p>
<p>My sister is a wedding planner. It is not only her experience in working with the various venues in her city that brings value, it is the relationships she has formed with the management and staff of the venues that really bring value. Yes, she is able to negotiate with them better than you or I could. Yes, she will bring them more business if they work with her. And if a problem should arise, she has leverage and they have a desire to go above and beyond to deal with it. And she knows the peculiarities of each venue. </p>
<p>She also owns her own linens in a rainbow of colors, her own nice outdoor furniture (she is in a warm weather city), her own candle holders, chandeliers, vases, lanterns, glassware, cake stands, signage, etc. in a variety of styles, so that she can save her clients the rental fees traditionally associated with these things. She has her own florist who works exclusively with her, so she always knows the quality will be very high.</p>
<p>I can assure you her clients save more than her fee.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine paying a planner in the first place, much less paying a planner with a job loss. No, that field isn’t designed to save you money, but to part you from it. Do the legwork and set up a wedding that you can be happy with, and just enjoy it. The marriage matters more than the wedding. </p>
<p>Always frugal here, and proud to say that we put on a nice wedding with almost no parental funds (Mom gave me a thousand, as I recall), for a couple of thousand bucks. Still married. </p>
<p>i have atended some lovely receptions in the homes of the parents of the newly married couples. The ceremony was at the place of worship and fairly inexpensive as well. I’d really go bare bones if elopement or intimate private ceremony & reception isn’t in the cards. Adding expenses to someone who just lost his job seems like a VERY BAD idea, no matter what dad had been thinking before he was laid off.</p>
<p>^ I agree. My sister is also a wedding planner. Being in the NYC metro area she has numerous vendors (florists, caterers, linens, chairs, dinnerware,etc.,) she works with at all different price points. She also has relationships with many wedding venues around the area. Clients usually give her the amount they want to spend and she works with that. </p>
<p>We used a wedding planner for my D’s wedding. She was very knowledgeable about the resources available in the resort area where we had the wedding and that was quite helpful. However, one of the things that annoyed my daughter and son-in-law was that the wedding planner didn’t offer options if they didn’t want to use one of her preferred vendors–and there were a few times that happened. She was very good about staying within the $$$ range we specified. </p>
<p>Did she save us money?? I’m not sure. One of the vendors she recommended for doing programs for the wedding ceremony quoted a price that I thought was way too high–the only reason I knew this was because I worked in publishing and knew the costs for graphic design and printing. I ended up doing the program myself with the help of a friend who is a graphic designer and having the program printed at a shop I’d used for other printing. The owner (who lives in my town and whose son went to school with my daughter) said he’d send me a bill. I called a month later because I never got the bill and he told me to consider the printing a gift!</p>
<p>I think one can have a beautiful wedding without spending much money. I’ve been to weddings that were simple and elegant. My own wedding was fairly simple–only our families and the couple who stood up for us. I would feel guilty asking my family to foot the bill for a wedding if I knew it might cause financial hardship. But not knowing the actual circumstances of the folks the OP is helping, it might work out just fine for the family.</p>
<p>Sometimes feelings can trump what’s practical vs what’s impractical. It’s possible that a man who has just lost his job may be more determined than ever to provide for his D’s wedding. It’s tough enough to lose a job without having his loss of pride doubled by not paying for his D’s wedding. Obviously we don’t his mind set, I’m just saying. </p>
<p>Hey, thanks, everybody! Hoping to speak with the dad today and feel like I can offer him some excellent advice now.</p>
<p>Here’s my final advice–nobody really cares about how fancy the wedding–it’ll always be about the marriage. If I think a marriage will last because the couple is really ready to marry…I love every moment no matter the venue. So don’t do things to “impress” guests. Love impresses guests.
Only things you need for a good party are friends and family. I personally would add champagne and cake to the list but even that’s not a prerequisite! </p>
<p>To Hunt’s point, there are a lot of things that people think are necessary that really aren’t. You can have a lunch/brunch instead of dinner and that saves a lot of money. You don’t have to have appetizers. You don’t have to have alcohol, or if you do, maybe just red/white wine instead of a full bar. You don’t have to have party favors (this isn’t a child’s birthday party). You don’t have to have bags in the out-of-towners’ hotel rooms with chips and maps and bottled water and such. You can barter to get catering services or photography services. You don’t <em>need</em> everyone and their brother to have their own flowers, or you can do flowers very modestly. You don’t have to have flowers for table decorations. There are a lot of ways to cut costs. </p>
<p>We’ll probably use a wedding planner for our D. She’s not engaged yet, but she has a 2+ year be, and showed a lot of interest in the planning of her brother’s wedding this past autumn. </p>
<p>She lives about 2,000 miles away from us and she works long hours, some if we don’t get a wedding planner, we’ll both go crazy from the stress.</p>
<p>She told me some time ago that if she gets married, she’ll do it where she is instead of near us. I love my D’s thought proesses. She said we and most of the our family can afford plane tickets, but none of her friends can, so she’s getting married where the most people can attend. Sounds right to me. </p>