@IBviolamom, music does seem to be a running theme in this thread. When you’re looking at schools, make sure to look at whether there are music scholarships available to non-music majors. My D plays piano and wants to continue during college. She applied for and received a 4-yr music scholarship where the only requirement to keep it is to take lessons or participate in an ensemble for 1/4 class credit and maintain a 3.0 in the music classes.
Oldfort said:" I think it is great there is a lot of kumbaya going on here."
Urban dictionary definition of The Kumbaya Law:
In any conversation where some of the participants hold an opinion to the left of other participants, someone with the more conservative position will compare said person’s opinion to the naivete of “sitting around a campfire singing Kumbaya.”
Definition of Kumbaya (urban dictionary): blandly pious and naively optomistic.
Gee, thanks for your support.
(Smiling and nodding.)
@NorthernMom61 I know what you mean about some of the posts on here. It’s ridiculous what some people consider “average” or sub par. People said I was limiting myself because I only applied to 2 colleges that would be considered “safeties” on here. Well, I got a full ride at one - even though my SAT is only gasp 2030. To be fair though, it wasn’t really based on my SAT score, but my PSAT score (211) since it was a NMF scholarship. Let me share what other posters said about this whole college application process:
You know, I was a high-achieving-without-putting-in-a-lot-of-effort high-school student with gobs and tons of ECs and honors and so on who got into a terrifically high-end college (not an ivy, though, since I was to much of a nerd for that, but probably could have).
I then promptly flunked out.
And I attribute all of my success since then (ivy league PhD, tenured faculty position, quite solid reputation as a researcher in my field) to flunking out.
Of course, I could (read: would) have done that anywhere, and for less money, but so it goes. Just pointing my own story out to note that a lot of the chatter on CC is focused on the inputs at the front end of college and how they influence the outputs, but that’s a fool’s game—the inputs are only very, very vaguely predictive, and even when they seem to be (as in my case) the beginning only appears to match the end if you ignore the middle.
And nearly always it’s the journey, whether in high school or in college or beyond, that’s the really formative and important thing.
What a refreshing thread! dfbdfb, I particularly loved your post! I think we parents sometimes focus too narrowly on what happens in the high school years and forget that our kids probably have another 60 or so years left of living, growing, trial-and-error learning, and a long list of opportunities that have yet to present themselves. I know I have to remind myself of this every now and again as I parent my brood of five. Many of the great people in history didn’t discover their callings in life until well past college age.
Looking at if from a year post high school and post applications, there are a few things I wish they had done differently in high school. One of my daughters doesn’t like math, doesn’t do well on tests, etc. Well, now she has to repeat almost all the high school math she’s taken because she didn’t score high enough on the ACT and didn’t take the college placement tests. I wish I had known that and I would have had her take the ACT again (and again) to get the minimum score to be exempt from the math requirement at college (and it’s a low standard). Also foreign language. She took 1.5 years, which was not entirely her fault because of moves), so now she has to take 2 semesters of it. Well, she’s taking one now, but can’t take the second semester in the fall because of a conflict with a course in her major. She’s not planning to attend school next spring, so that means 18 months between the first class and the second.
I don’t think high school students have to take 15 AP classes or duel enrollment, but I do think those who put in the effort on special ECs or experiences do reap the benefits. My other daughter would have been better off taking dual enrollment for English because her college would have accepted those credits and then she’d be done with the requirements. She hates those classes and would be thrilled to have them behind her. We just didn’t know that was possible.
My son decided not to take Pre AP English 10 or AP English 11, dropping down to College Bound. He did not enjoy Pre AP English 9, and said he preferred a class with a slower pace and more latitude in reading lists. He said Pre AP “sucked the joy out of reading”. Although I’m a pretty laid back mom, I worried he wouldn’t learn as much in College Bound. He might not have as much rigor, but he still loves reading. Oh, and he made an 800 on the SAT CR. He decided on his own to go back up to AP for 12th grade. I guess it didn’t hurt in the end other than losing a weighted class, since he’s not thinking about elites anyway 
My oldest (who also got an 800 on CR) took regular English as a senior. First year he really enjoyed English. He got into Harvard. (He did have a whole slew of other APs and post AP classes - just not English!) Because he didn’t take AP English (and get a 5), he had to take a writing course in college, but that was not the end of the world. Younger son followed in his brother’s footsteps. He didn’t get into Harvard, but did get into a bunch of top 20ish schools. It’s a myth that you have to take every AP your high school offers.
@dfbbdfbb I love your addition to this thread. It reminds me of something a hosting graduate student said to my husband and I many years ago when we went to a university to interview for our own graduate school programs. He said, “There are only two truly great days in graduate school, the day you get accepted, and the day you graduate.” He went on to say that there are plenty of good days in between, but that there would also be a lot of effort and stressful self directed work while surviving on a very meager income for several years. I think this seems to hold true for undergraduate school too, and those two truly great days are amazing milestones, but they aren’t everything in the whole scheme of a productive lifetime.
@albert69 You are so correct. And I have grown to love the quote many have posted on various threads as CC advice, “Love the school that loves you.” Which then makes me think of the song, “If you can’t be with the one you love honey, love the one you’re with.” Guess I’ll stop with the quotes, because I could go on and on, LOL.
@NorthernMom61 And “forever and ever, amen…” Lol. Yes, I must say that the school I chose definitely showed the love for me in $$$ and in personality. When I visited, they treated me like royalty, haha.
@twoinanddone I hear you on the foreign language. I have no aptitude for it, and I didn’t want to take it in high school. Through my junior year I had 0, that’s right, none. It was quite difficult to find a college that didn’t require that, and I was really mad at myself for not taking it. But I’m glad I found the college I did, and it’ll make for a funny story when I explain why I chose it “it was one of the few schools on the list of schools with aerospace engineering that didn’t have a language requirement!”
And the funniest part - the college doesn’t even require it to graduate from them! So I won’t have to take it unless I want to (which I don’t.)
@alber69 That just goes to show that there is a great school out there for just about anyone, you just have to find the one that works for you, and you have to know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses to be able to do that. I tell people that my daughter thinks calculus is easy, but she can’t drive worth a darn. She does have a driver’s license but I don’t dare let her drive by herself yet. She has lived overseas most of her life and can navigate any airport, bus system, train system or subway system. So she may find herself living in a big city someday because they “don’t have a driving requirement!” LOL.
@albert69, the school DD1 attends actually does ‘require’ 2 years of foreign language, but waived it for her (and many others), but now she must have 2 semester of college. She actually likes foreign languages and did fine in Latin, but it wasn’t offered by any school except her freshman year. Her sister has 4 years of Spanish, through AP, and hated every single minute of it and can barely order a taco, goes to an engineering school (with aerospace although she’s in civil) that requires none to get in, none to get out. DD2 did not study one second for the AP Spanish test as she knew she had no hope of getting a 4 or 5 to get college credit.
@twoinanddone Really - and I thought I was the only kid that despised language. I’m just not cut out for that. I’m fine with math, science, and I’m actually really good at English.
Thanks, @NorthernMom61. Lol, my older sister’s a shaky driver as well. She still doesn’t drive the freeway. I’m the best driver of the kids in my family so far, though that isn’t saying all that much.
I was rotten at languages in high school, but after a gap year in France, I got the knack and did quite well in German in college. I ended up working in Germany for five years and even took an Italian class in Germany! I find languages fascinating now. I’m really interested in linguistics.
“Love the school that loves you.”
- Absolutely worked for my D. for HS, college and Med. School.
Private HS gave her great Merit scholarship. The HS desicion making was the hardest. I disagree with D’s choice, but I did not want to argue about it, I knew with all my heart that the school she wants (for the wrong reason also) was not a good match at all. Placement test came very handy. When my choice of HS called us to tell that she won a Merit scholarship that would cover 1/3 tuition, I told her exactly this “Love the school that loves you.” She thanked me many times over.
College choice was much easier, one school simply showed much more love accepting D. to a very selective program and offerring full tuition Merit award. Luckily for us, D. actually loved it there after multiply viisits.
Med. school did not give her $$, but called D’s pre-med advisor with the hopes that she would choose them despite of no money offer.
All 3 places happened to be a great match.
Our older kids each set high goals for themselves and determined what steps were needed to achieve their objectives. Taking those steps was often quite difficult and yes, sometimes led to sleep deprivation and a reduced social life. However, if ever we parents suggested they pare back a bit, they refused because they saw their goals as more important than any temporary inconvenience or discomfort. For the most part, they accomplished what they set out to accomplish in high school, but doing so required a higher level out of them than “good enough.” Being “good enough” is NOT good enough if what the student WANTS to do requires he be excellent or exceptional. Being “good enough” IS good enough if that leads to the student achieving what he wants to or needs to.
That said, being “good enough” HAS to be good enough if that is the most a student can accomplish. Our third child has less ability across the board than her older siblings, but she has a tremendous work ethic. She too has set her goals and has been willing to strive and sacrifice pursuing them. The key is that she, and we, be content with what she accomplishes even if she falls short.
I guess I think everyone should attempt to maximize what they have been given as far as intelligence, talent, and ability. I believe strongly in hard work and perseverance, believing that puts a student squarely inside the bounds of the momentum. Diligence almost always breeds success, and success breeds more success. But I also know that not everyone can or wants to tolerate the same level of activity. Working hard does not have to mean anything unhealthy.
For my D, when she is seriously sleep-deprived, it can take days and days to recover. That puts her in danger of not being “good enough” with everything else-school work, church commitments, etc. She recently finished up a trip related to school but not WITH the school and between time zone issues and poor planning by the leader, got very little sleep for 9 days. Then she came back to her usual packed schedule and almost 2 weeks later is still dragging.Had we known that the time management would be so poor, we would not have let her go. She’s not at her best and not doing her best right now. I would not and could not sanction that as a regular status for her throughout HS, no matter where it would place her in the prestigiosity race.