Can someone check my Wellesley essay?

Hm…alrighty. I’m going to give you a few suggestions, numbered below:

  1. Connect your paragraphs more clearly. Perhaps think about some kind of general theme present in both paragraphs, and use this to join the two together.

  2. Talk a bit more about yourself! Admissions counselors know their school is great, but how will you fit into the equation? You mention an interest in science, so go into a bit more detail there. How will the scientific equipment at Wellesley help you do something cool? Is there anything you’re particularly interested in researching? Classes you really want to take? Connect the science facilities to your own goals and interests.

  3. Along the lines of my advice in #2, consider replacing your second paragraph with something about the extracurricular life at Wellesley. I don’t personally make admissions decisions, but my impression over the years has been that Wellesley places an emphasis on community involvement. I would pick something from the Wellesley 100 that deals more with life outside the classroom, and then explain why that fits your personality.