@NJWrestlingmom… OOS Michigan engineering is not a safety for anyone, anymore. Funny, my friends kid loves Michigan for her “Big” school choice but will be happy at Illinois locally if that’s all she gets.
I gave my friends the actual stats from their website and I got… “All those kids have these stats” ??. Yes, not just your kid… Lol.
Funny thing is when I look back at the process we went through our kids high school counselors were 100% right on. But we were “insulted” that they would suggest schools like X with merit vs schools like Y that were well known and reaches. How dare they?? ?. It was actually insulting at the time. Once the process was completed and I understood more of the reality I drafted a really nice thank you and sorta apology to his counselor. The schools goal was trying to pair kids to schools to get at least 1/2 merit or more. Then apply to any other schools /reaches you like. All good schools.
This seems like completely normal behavior to me. Not necessarily healthy, but normal. We lived in two high-performing school districts in Massachusetts when our kids were in high school. Most kids in the upper 25% of their classes applied to multiple top colleges, probably for the same reasons their parents drove luxury cars, lived in nice houses, and wore expensive brands. There are lots of ways to broadcast status.
We live in a notoriously competitive HS district, and I have to say I can’t remember ever hearing ‘we are applying just to see if she can get in.’
Is it possible that what is really meant is ‘we know it is an unrealistic long shot, but we are keeping the option open just in case.’?
Because anyone who takes pride in being accepted to Yale would likely take 100x that amount of pride in graduating from Yale.
So I really think these people, to the extent they really exist, actually would consider attending if there is an acceptance with affordable FA award.
FWIW, when DS was accepted to one of his matches, he pulled his app from a good safety that was no longer in consideration. I said, “you probably just turned some kid’s waitlist letter into an acceptance letter.” Felt good.
Maybe because people just really don’t get how the system works in terms of the fact they really won’t get any money, maybe they have magical thinking about the money, maybe they just like to brag?
People do alot of stuff that I just don’t care to take the time to try to figure out why they are doing it frankly. Your friend and this scenerio is taking up a lot of your head space. Why? Is the idea of her sending her kid to the LAC unsettling to you (if they did manage to make it happen)? You feel more comfy with the idea of her child attending the state school?
Friend’s daughter applied to a big name East coast school (not Ivy) just to see if she could get in. Absolutely no way they could afford it, though if she got in maybe she would get some merit or need. (However, they have no need, just not much saved…so not sure how they thought this would play out.)
Well, guess what. She got rejected. Whole family stunned! Really? She wanted to be able to tell people she turned them down. Took her a full week to move past, and there is still some bitterness that they didn’t “want” her. If they, or their paid college counselor, had looked at the common data set, they would have seen she wasn’t that competitive and all this could have been avoided.
I can understand not pulling the app just to see what happens and I see nothing wrong with it. My son applied ED so he had to pull his other apps and it was kind of a bummer not getting to find out where else he would have gotten into even though it wouldn’t have changed his mind. Colleges accept far more than they expect will attend so this really doesn’t affect anyone or push them to a waiting list.
@NJWrestlingmom I certainly understand that many families feel there is a gap between FA award and manageable cost.
But when I play with NPCs at several competitive colleges I see that even with $200k salary and average home value and savings, that there is still some (often significant) need based $$ offered. So for someone to say there is “no need” must mean they have a very high salary and it is more choice than unaffordability driving their decision. IMO.
@pickpocket . Divorce, remarriage, own business. Income higher in last 5 years, little saved for college. Daughter’s dream school. Told her to go for it. Even though…
The expectation as to what a parent is willing to pay changes when there is an acceptance in hand. Sometimes it is not merely the acceptance – the prestige school might also have special programs geared to a student’s interests, and the admission might come with an invitation to a program they either didn’t know existed or weren’t aware that they were under consideration. Or maybe it isn’t special, but at the time of admission the student receives an email or brochure from a specific department, describing opportunities they offer in an enticing way.
Most families that don’t qualify for need-based aid at the elite schools (where need-based aid tends to be quite generous) do have the resources to pay, they just don’t want to.
But it’s one thing to say “Harvard, Shmarvard” during the time frame when admission seems about as likely as winning the lottery – and quite another when the admission offer becomes a reality. Then instead of thinking, “why pay $80K a year when our kid can do fine at our great in-state U. for less than half the cost?” the thought process shifts to, “would we be denying our precious child the chance of a lifetime?” – and priorities change.
I think the big mistake is assuming that the pre-admission chatter of friends reflects their true, inner feelings. You may very well turn around one day and see that the offspring of some of those parents are heading off to the very colleges their parents once insisted were out of contention.
Keep in mind that it’s a lot easier to tell one’s friends early on that the decision has been made in favor of Big State U then to face a barrage of inquiries from curious friends the same week in April that the child has been disappointed by a slew of rejections. Since the most likely outcome for most applicants is either a rejection or a waitlist – it can be a smart move for the parents to announce early on that the elite school is out of contention.
Also, and I speak from direct experience here: it is a LOT easier on the parent-child relationship if the parents downplay their ability/willingness to pay early on. No child will ever complain if their parents suddenly come up with the funds post-admissions – and it probably does protect the child’s ego somewhat in the event of rejection to believe that the parents wouldn’t have paid in any case.
Other than comparing financial aid packages and bragging rights… hmm
One reason might be to keep that college in mind in case the student ends up not liking their first college and wants to transfer later on. There are no guarantees the college will accept them the second time, but at least the student knows they were deemed a good fit for that college by the ADCOM.