Can someone please grade my essay and give me a few pointers?

<p>Cut it out completely whenever possible. Otherwise, be as specific as possible–what about the example and what exactly does this component support?</p>

<p>For instance (note that I’m just cutting out the I/me/my stuff in examples due to sets I must deal with):</p>

<p>…“a renowned politician, buttresses the importance of honesty/whatever in individuals.”
…“trying to keep things private just halts this process, hindering further interaction and endangering the human survival.”</p>