Don’t keep your estate planning documents in your safety deposit box. I’m sure you can guess why.
My parents’ estate will definitely go through probate as they never updated wills when my mom starting showing signs of ALZ. By the time my dad made it a priority, it was too late. They have real estate in multiple states and some is under my mom’s name only. My dad did set up some joint accounts for my brother and I so that if mom outlives him, we have plenty of funds to continue to pay for her care, final bills, and the attorney while we wait for the probate courts.
I also second making sure all the advance directives are in place as well as the DPOA forms.
I think I mentioned this in another thread, but soon after my wife and I got married circa 25 years ago, we had set up a will, no trust. But after that we both made some decent money and with all the financial transactions that we made, the will was completely useless after she passed away 3.5 years ago. As such, 2 of her houses plus a number of brokerage accounts that were only in her name (don’t ask why). So those things went to probate. Because of complications with having a minor (my son) as a beneficiary, we waited until after he turned 18 until we finished up the process, which has now been 3.5 years.
Having the probate will wind up costing 30K or so, which is a lot more expensive than setting up a good trust. One weird benefit about having to wait so long was that I go remarried recently…before, I had absolutely no one I could trust to be my administrator in case I died with the trust that I have now, including my kid. Now, I do. Also, having to go through probate is expensive, but in a weird way mitigates fraud. A lot of fraud is a result of having a untrustworthy administrator. To be honest, I’m not sure if my deceased wife is turning in her grave now at the thought of me being remarried.
Thanks for the tip @BunsenBurner !
We had Wisconsin documents that we finally updated for Florida. Having the trust account, powers of attorney (financial and medical), a living will and wills and life insurance policy are all part of the preparedness. We used lawyers to draw up/amend documents. It was interesting to see our choices back when son would have needed a guardian and now when we chose the younger generation for executors. Of course we have stuff safe but not inaccessible.
That takes care of the official type paperwork. H and I joke about the other one has to outlive each other because we each have our areas of expertise. I try to get H used to some cooking and taking care of household stuff. He is a nonshopper. I dislike taking care of finances, including the online bills although I am the one who goes over credit card statements each month. I make the effort to know how to do things and what we have.
I’m also the one who organized the filing cabinet. Son has been told (remembers?) the active stuff is in the top drawer. All active accounts of all kinds, from investments, cars, insurance, banks, to lawn care et al is there. I even put account names nd account numbers on the front of the manila folders. We have done what consolidation/simplification we could over the years but it will be a pain to take care of.
Other drawers have older papers, tax forms and paperwork/manuals for stuff. Once a year I edit the top drawer and move old bills/receipts saved to another drawer.
On a spiritual note- we are both in agreement about what to do with our bodies. Nice to establish cremation versus burial and any funeral rites that may be needed. My Dad’s burial plot is ready for him next to my mom’s. We’ll do the religious stuff the sibling who wants it favors. It may be important to let the relatives know your wishes now as you and your spouse may be at odds with their expectations and they may dislike how things get done, not knowing the relative wants it the way his/her spouse chooses. When a friend’s well liked elderly parent died they had a funeral that was not well attended so when the other, not well liked parent died they dispensed with the visitation et al. Friend told me her sibling found nice things to say.
When using trusts and different forms of ownership & types of titles, things can get very complicated especially if dealing with more than one state.
Remember that there are many community property states–mostly in the West-- whose law may control certain assets & may even affect assets in non-community property states.
Also, when titling real estate in a trust or LLC or anything but your own name, that you may lose homestead exemption protection from creditors. Very important in states like Texas & Florida ! Also, even a properly titled property may lose homestead protection if the owner resides for in a retirement home or nursing home. This can get very complicated.
Dangerous to ignore a child in a will in most jurisdictions.
Nothing I write is intended as legal advice. Just concerns that should prompt one to seek licensed legal counsel in the appropriate jurisdiction.
Another aspect. Those with more than one child definitely need to figure out what happens to worldly goods. It may be a matter of being sure the kids get stuff when you downsize instead of giving it away to charity or deciding to not haul their stuff wherever you go.
“Nothing I write is intended as legal advice. Just concerns that should prompt one to seek licensed legal counsel in the appropriate jurisdiction.”
This.
This thread can give you a good good for thought. An estate planning attorney will give you a real plan. 
There is a form one can fill out (see the state involved) at the time of death if one wants to give up an inheritance. I might do that so sibs split it 50-50 since I’m so much better off and it would let me off the hook for deciding what to do with stuff I don’t want, house selling et al. Older sister has all the legal powers now and gets to make decisions- we would have done things differently. More work for her, her choice.
Also, be careful when dealing with estate liquidators. They know valuable items & may have shills come into the house being liquidated & pay about 5% or so of an items liquidation value. Usually involves furniture & artwork.
Our friends just mentioned it is a sore subject that her mom and dad will be leaving their assets to her two kids and her sister’s three kids. Every grandchild will get 20% instead of her kids splitting 50% and sister’s three splitting the other 50%.
Either scheme makes some sense but I can understand why some grandparents would choose one method or another.
Usually disclaiming an inheritance is treated as if you predeceased the testator.
Some if not most wills will include that contingency, giving your share to your descendants. So your children would inherit your share rather than your siblings.
There is paperwork one can file in Wisconsin to give up one’ s share and any going to one’s heirs when I checked. Will check with the lawyer when the time comes. Father likely has divided things up equally. Just another hassle when he dies- he’s no longer competent for making any changes.
Be aware that disclaimers might not be effective if the person doing the disclaimer receives or could receive public benefits, such as Medicaid.
**Note of caution of joint bank accounts and safe deposit boxes. **
If you are joint on an account or box, and you have not been to probate you will not be allowed access to an account or box if the bank knows one of the owners is deceased. If you need money and you are joint on an account don’t tell the bank the other owner died because once the bank knows they are obligated to close the account until legal doc are presented that you are the executor of the estate.
We have revocable trust, health care directives, we each want to be cremated. We’re very careful about following Trust instructions about how to title assets. In fact we will be seeing attorney next month to make some changes (eg new DIL, granddaughter, some recent family deaths). Neither one of us want our lives to be prolonged. S will step up if either one of us is not around to make decision to pull plug. I joke with S that if his mother goes first, I don’t want my life prolonged but he’s supposed to act “reasonably” meaning don’t just walk in room, see me unconscious and pull the plug so he can get to inheritance, at least take a minute to talk to MDs about my prognosis. LOL
Yes, our H’s friend’s W just died and the bank froze their joint account. Fortunately he was able to get a death certificate to promptly unfreeze it.
I guess I should be glad my dad didn’t have much when he died. He had a will, and probate was simple. My in laws have all of their assets in trusts, but I will have to review the paperwork to in light of what I have read here. They want things to be as easy as possible, so they would be open to suggestions if it seems like they should be doing anything differently.
We have wills & POAs & living wills & a trust. We grew up in CA and trusts are advisable there, perhaps more than other states from what I read on BH, for holding title to at least your home.
We have a list of passwords and logins which I print every new year and place with the important papers, we have banker boxes with old tax returns marked and have a box that says important stuff if we die and another that says to trash it if we die (stuff we keep, but they won’t need to mess with.)
We also made a list for any business interests, if I am hit by a truck, here is who you call to help you figure out this or that.
A living trust should have a very simple successor trustee listed, commonly that would be the person you choose for executor. My parents were co-trustees of their trust (I set it up for them on legal zoom just before Dad died); once he died, she resigned. I am the successor and my sister is my successor. I have had no issues with banks, investments, treasury bonds (pain in the butt, but no trouble), foreclosed on a house they had sold and carried the paper, subsequent rental, no issues anywhere with any entity in me being the trustee and handling things. Getting money out of or into the trust is a simple bank deposit. But some trusts may have special limits or may have outlived the listed successors or have other complications.
Regarding providing trust documents, technically you should only have to provide the abstract of trust, but everyone wants every page, and yet, the abstract should list the name, the trustees, and their powers, that’s all they legally need. My DH settled and estate in CA and just got intense about not providing hundreds of pages of trust documents to everyone and refused, repeatedly.
But then read Bogleheads and everyone will be worried you will die, your 2nd wife will get all the assets, she will remarry and his kids will get them instead of your son!