<p>My kids know my position - if they get tattoos or piercings that they know I wouldn’t approve of, they are sending a signal to me that they no longer need my money, including tuition money. If they make adult decisions they know I won’t approve of, they are stating they are mature enough to go it on their own. My older daughter’s roommate asked her to stay at school an extra day this week so they could get piercings. No. My younger daughter turned 18 this morning, and she can now get the tattoo or whatever. No.</p>
<p>Younger people might accept them, but it is still usually us old folks doing the hiring. If I’m hiring a front desk person or a sales person, I’m going to reject the pierced and tattooed applicant in favor of the more traditional look.</p>
<p>My grandfather had multiple tattoos on his arms. He died in his 70s and honestly, they never looked bad. Even in pictures just before his death, they looked great. He was fit until death though. </p>
<p>I hate tattoos and piercings. Ugh!!! Two years ago we were vacationing with friends and tats came up. My friend didn’t see anything wrong with getting small tats. I told her I can’t help it, but I immediately think less of people with tats. Well her 18 year old daughter just got the most horrible tats I have ever seen on a gorgeous girl. My son and her daughter have always had a crush on each other, but after she posted her tats, that ended any ideas he ever had of dating her. She got 5 huge all black tats on one arm from her shoulder to her elbow (the size of a handprint) and has added a couple of small ones. My son said they’re are going to look great against a white wedding dress someday! She then got a nose ring on the side of her nose and a bull ring…or at least that’s what I call them. My son said it will just limit her dating pool…a lot of guys don’t want to bring a tattooed wife to business dinners.
I have told my kids piercings and tats are a no go. If they want to get them then they will be paying their own college, cars, and clothes. D has wanted to get the diamond nose ring but likes our money more:) </p>
<p>I’m surprised at parents reporting threatening to cut kids off financially over tattoos. I would have been devastated if one of my kids started smoking, but I don’t think I would withhold tuition. </p>
<p>I don’t have any tatoos and at the current time none of my kids do - they are age 26, 22 and 17. </p>
<p>But I have to say some of the reaction is so strong from some of you! I mean intense! Threats and all! It’s your perogative I know, but just surprising.</p>
<p>I’d like to see a research study that shows if there is any correlation to people who are strongly against tatoos and what else they might be “strongly” opposed to. It seems so surface to judge people so strongly just on a tatoo. </p>
<p>"Tats are very common in Seattle, with people of all ages. Even in high-end restaurants I have seen full-sleeve tattoos. Piercings are very common as well. "</p>
<p>Tattoos are common everywhere, IMO. </p>
<p>Their prevalence has changed my opinion on what it “signals” about the person, but it hasn’t changed my dislike of them aesthetically. Having said that, I really wouldn’t care unless it was my H or my children. Anyone else? Whatever. Free country. </p>
<p>My husband thinks the tattoo fad will go away after it becomes normalized. When everyone has them it no longer makes the tattoo wearers unique. I’m no so sure of this.
Thoughts???</p>
<p>Considering that’s not a top reason why people get them, I’d say your H is wrong, riverbirch. </p>
<p>Really, I know a lot of people with tattoos. Some, I don’t even know what they look like- it’s just come up casually in conversation that they have them. Not one has ever mentioned it making them “unique” or rebelling or anything of the sort. They get them either because A- it means something to them or B- they just like the way it looks. </p>
<p>I think people with tattoos tend to care less about what others think of them. This translates into: they’re getting the tattoos for them, not anyone else. </p>
<p>I’m with Romani. I think the tattoo fad will go out about the same time as pierced ears. </p>
<p>My mother about had a heart attack when I got my ears pierced. Several years later…when everyone seemed to have pierced ears…she got hers done too.</p>
<p>Also, I’m in the camp of thinking it’s sad that you’d cut off family because of something that doesn’t hurt anyone. It’s one thing to cut off a relative because they’re drinking away money or participating in criminal activity, but for inking their own skin? I don’t get it. It’s just never been part of my world so it doesn’t make sense to me. My parents don’t particularly like tattoos but both of their daughters have them and they really could not care less. </p>
<p>My partner’s mother said that they’d be cut off if they got tattoos. Not that I’m really sure what she could hold over my partner considering they didn’t contribute to his schooling, car costs, insurance costs, etc… </p>
<p>I am not a fan of tattoos for one specific reason: what’s so good about injection of a chemical into a vital organ? I put tattoos in the same bucket as breast implants. That said, I understand why people would get either of those - sometimes a person needs one, for (mostly) psychological reasons. (A breast implant to restore confidence in a cancer survivor or a carefully chosen tattoo to signify a major achievement or to heal a grieving heart are OK, a boob job to “enhance” appearance or a misspelled Chinese phrase tattooed under the influence of heavy boozing is stupid).</p>
<p>OP, if your D personally designed her future tattoo, it looks like she has put thoughts into it, so be glad that she is not doing it out of a bout of sudden stupidity. My advice is to carefully research the shop and the artist, because her design would be at the mercy of the person holding the needle, and it can get botched. Also, as a biologist, she is probably aware that proper techniques and adherence to sterility are important. If she were my kid, I’d pay to get her tested for staph and MRSA - a significant percentage of the population carries these bugs on their skin. When the skin is intact, the immune system keeps the bugs in check, but if they get into the bloodstream through breaks in the skin, the consequences can be pretty bad.</p>
<p>Tattoos have reached such penetration of society they won’t go away even as they fade in popularity. </p>
<p>I was talking about this with my oldest daughter a few days ago. This is sort of a summary. We agreed there’s been a huge shift in decorative attitudes but don’t know where that will go. Coming out of the relative rigidity of the 1950’s and with the overall trend of the century toward less formality, natural was considered best. As a child growing up in the 1960’s, I know this influenced me: less make-up, more acceptance of natural figures, natural looks, natural clothes, etc. Tattoos and piercings may have become popular as a statement, much like Goth or other subculture makeup, but they moved into the mainstream much as stylized, artificial makeup has. As an example, the line now being drawn away from and curling off the outside corner of the eye translates the more extreme look - derived, I think, from Egyptian art to Liz Taylor as Cleopatra to some music video - into something more generally palatable. </p>
<p>The problem with assuming there would be a counter wave toward the natural is the shift toward the artificial has gone hand in hand with increasing “individualism” or at least multiplication of looks, so many people see x or y choice, however artificial that choice, as their more “natural” expression of themselves. In other words, my choosing to look artificial is me, something that started in the 1970’s when punks adopted highly artificial haircuts and makeup to assert both their rejection of norms and their statement of “me”, even as that “me” was yet another joining to yet another “tribe”. </p>
<p>I just thought back to when I tried to explain “counter-culture” to some people my grandparents’ age. They said young people always rebelled, which is true, but I argued the rebellion was not a rejection of values but more a rejection of adult responsibilities and roles so the rebellion was essentially a juvenile form of the adult culture. Since they were adults in the 1920’s, they knew that decade was partly a rejection of values - particularly by women - but also an expression of freedom from traditional restraint. </p>
<p>Why not? Are the parents under an obligation? Conditional gift, anyone? I treat my financial support the same way the government treats welfare: only necessities are covered. IMO, the amount of support should be reduced by the $$$ spent on booze, cigarettes and wasteful fashion. </p>
<p>I got a small tattoo on my wrist in September of this year. I’ve wanted one since I was a teenager, but my parents always told me they didn’t want me to pay for it with their money because they don’t really agree with the idea (reasonable.) It’s an outline of the state of CA with poppies (the state flower) indicating where I grew up and where I went to school. Could be easily covered up with a long-sleeved shirt, but higher education doesn’t tend to be overly conservative (especially not the area I work in.) When I told my parents, their only reaction was, “Send pictures.” I also got my nose pierced at age 15, so I think they’ve gotten used to me being the “rebellious” one (I honestly don’t have a rebellious bone in my body.) I got it because I like the way it looks and it means something special to me. A LOT of my friends have tattoos, and those who don’t have them have thought about it. I’ve seen some sleeves or full leg pieces that are really beautiful, but not my style. I’ll stick with the smaller pieces if I ever decide to get another.</p>
<p>And for the record, tattoos only age poorly if you don’t take care of them, at least from what I’ve seen.</p>
<p>You are of course welcome to, BB, but I’d like to think that a parent/child relationship is different from a welfare recipient/government relationship. </p>
<p>Personally, I’ve been both the recipient of welfare and parental support. They are not the same from my experience. </p>
<p>I loan my parents money. A lot of money. They, clearly, are not my children but I couldn’t imagine telling them that they need to explain every dollar to me. Money was never a tool to be used as leverage in my house. Again, just not my worldview/experience. YMMV. </p>
<p>Well if my kids have money for tats/piercings then they are welcome to pay their own way. If they get tats when they are truly on their own, that’s up to them. It’s not as if I’m cutting off my relationship with them if they would choose to get tats/piercings. They know what the deal is and can make their own choices, as can I with how I spend my money on them. I’m not very worried since they seem to dislike tats, and D hasn’t mentioned the nose piercing for probably 2 years. My kids are shaking their heads after seeing friend’s daughter with her black sleeve. </p>
<p>You may not be cutting off a relationship, but if my parents completely withdrew any and all financial support because of a piercing or tattoo, I very likely would.</p>
<p>I am self-supporting now, FWIW, but I hope for your sake riverbirch that if you ever make that choice you are prepared for your S/D to withdraw their side of the relationship as well. Just a thought. Money should not be leverage or a bargaining chip.</p>
My advice is to carefully research the shop and the artist, because her design would be at the mercy of the person holding the needle, and it can get botched. Also, as a biologist, she is probably aware that proper techniques and adherence to sterility are important. If she were my kid, I’d pay to get her tested for staph and MRSA - a significant percentage of the population carries these bugs on their skin. When the skin is intact, the immune system keeps the bugs in check, but if they get into the bloodstream through breaks in the skin, the consequences can be pretty bad.</p>
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