<p>@teriwtt Check this out before proceeding:
<a href=“Tattoos as Permanent Makeup: Skin Deep - The New York Times”>Tattoos as Permanent Makeup: Skin Deep - The New York Times;
<p>I hate to point out the obvious…but I can’t see my own pierced earrings unless I’m looking in a mirror.</p>
<p>My sisters got eyeliner tattooed on their eyelids. It’s nothing I would ever do, but they look fabulous…and think about the time they save every morning. Plus…it will ever run when they cry!</p>
<p>I don’t know what Loubutins are :(</p>
<p>fancy, expensive shoes with lacquer red soles</p>
<p>Kind of the sleeve tattoo of shoes RE flaunting capabilities</p>
<p>A friend once received a holiday card with a mother daughter pair in short dresses (as photographed from behind) leaning against a rail with one foot poised in such a way that those in the know would ID their shoes. (If you know these people I’m not telling who showed me the card!) The subtext was, “I may be recently divorced, but I’m still hot and I didn’t come out of it too badly.”</p>
<p>
With all of those options listed regarding clothing or makeup or whatever, I think there are a few worthwhile things to consider:</p>
<p>They might not have dressed (or whatever) for you. That guy in the suit may have been headed to or from an interview. That woman in the 70’s wear may be headed out to a disco night for fun. The fact that you can see someone’s tattoos does not mean that they were trying to show them to you specifically.</p>
<p>Even if they did dress for that event, that doesn’t mean that pleasing you was their highest priority. Maybe that guy with the suit was just thinking “hey, I never get to wear this thing, why not take it out tonight!” Perhaps the person in head-to-toe designer logos is just trying to dress nicely while knowing literally nothing about fashion beyond “hey, these brands are expensive and popular!” Perhaps the reason for getting the tattoo was more important to the person than the scorn and condemnation of people that they largely do not associate with.</p>
<p>If you don’t like the way someone else chooses to look, that’s perfectly fine! But why read anything else into it? Isn’t it more important (generally) that they like the way they look?</p>
<p>Or they may just be tacky.</p>
<p>
We all judge people (although I like to think it isn’t “all the time!”), the question really is what we do about it. When I find myself judging someone, I try to step back and remind myself that I know only a tiny fraction about who they are, and that my momentary judgment on a fraction of their life is about as applicable to their general character and performance as a single arbitrary play is useful for determining the outcome of a football game. Judging people isn’t a particularly good thing unless it is tightly, tightly controlled, and even then it is like keeping a vicious guard dog that is one meal away from biting you someplace tender. Heck, even the Bible condemns judging people! Let’s not glorify it!</p>
<p>
If you are talking only about “petty cash” (something I never received in college!) that is used only for non-essentials, then the amount is up to you. I personally find it distasteful to give some one a gift (as you called it) and then punish them because they spent it on something popular of which you personally disapprove. Doesn’t exactly make it much of a gift. But we may be getting wrapped up in semantics here, so let me offer my own position:</p>
<p>Hurting your kid’s career and future by refusing to pay their tuition because they got a tattoo seems like a fantastic example of bad, destructive parenting to me - it’s like spanking a baby with an ax. </p>
<p>Reducing the amount of money provided for “cost of living” because it is being used for completely unnecessary things is fine with me so long as it is consistent - if your kid is taking toothpaste-and-printer-ink money and using for tats and beer and Muse* tickets, I can see getting upset. </p>
<p>Giving someone money for entertainment and clothes and other frivolous things and then reducing expected future monies because you object to the specific, legal, non-damaging frivolous things they selected, well that is certainly your choice but it just feels petty, and seems a bad way to respect the fact that your child is now an adult and supposed to be making their own decisions.</p>
<p>**: Muse is a pretty good band, incidentally - I’ve never seen them live though.*</p>
<p>"Even if they did dress for that event, that doesn’t mean that pleasing you was their highest priority. Maybe that guy with the suit was just thinking “hey, I never get to wear this thing, why not take it out tonight!” Perhaps the person in head-to-toe designer logos is just trying to dress nicely while knowing literally nothing about fashion beyond “hey, these brands are expensive and popular!” Perhaps the reason for getting the tattoo was more important to the person than the scorn and condemnation of people that they largely do not associate with.</p>
<p>If you don’t like the way someone else chooses to look, that’s perfectly fine! But why read anything else into it? Isn’t it more important (generally) that they like the way they look?"</p>
<p>I think you’re not listening to what I’m saying. What I “read” into it is that they happen to like an aesthetic look which is not an aesthetic look that <em>I</em> like. I may judge their aesthetic taste. That is different from judging them as a human being or suggesting that they aren’t worthy of respect, or aren’t moral, or whatever. </p>
<p>I never said that it’s not important that they like the way the look, or that it’s more important for them to please me than it is to please themselves. Of course you have to please yourself. However, there’s a difference <em>to me and in my household</em> about doing so when you’re young and under Bank of Mom and Dad, and when you’re independent / self-supporting in which case tattoo yourself all day long if you so like.</p>
<p>" When I find myself judging someone, I try to step back and remind myself that I know only a tiny fraction about who they are, and that my momentary judgment on a fraction of their life is about as applicable to their general character and performance as a single arbitrary play is useful for determining the outcome of a football game."</p>
<p>Aren’t you judging people harshly / negatively for not liking tattoos? What’s the difference?</p>
<p>
Some of the best people are! And, admittedly, some of the worst, so take some time really evaluating that one.</p>
<p>I don’t walk around condemning people with tattoos, sinceI have other things to worry about and it isn’t my business what people do. It just says that those people made decisions I wouldn’t have made. That’s all. I make decisions they wouldn’t make either, and life goes on. </p>
<p>The difference is – I don’t worry about the decisions I make that other people might not make – I’m sorry you don’t like my haircut or my outfit, but that’s kind of your problem, bud. </p>
<p>But it seems that some people want a lot of affirmation that other people really like their tattoos. Or maybe better stated - they are (or they seem uncomfortable) in the knowledge that other people may not like their tattoos.</p>
<p>To me this begs the question - are you content with it yourself? Because if you’re content with it, it would seem to me that it wouldn’t much matter what other people think (and yes, there’s always going to be x% who don’t like it, though that x% has declined over time).</p>
<p>Like I said, I don’t care for tattoos – but my opinion could change, and if a switch flipped on me, and I decided that I really really REALLY wanted that rose on my ankle to commemorate such-and-such and it was personally meaningful … then I’d go do it and other people can go pound sand if they don’t like it.</p>
<p>My niece has a navel ring. Do I <em>like</em> it? Well, no, if the truth be told, I don’t care for it. Should she spend one minute of her day fretting that Aunt PG doesn’t like her navel ring? Of course not. It’s of no <em>matter</em> that I don’t like it. </p>
<p>So why be so obsessed with wanting others to like it, too? </p>
<p>" I personally find it distasteful to give some one a gift (as you called it) and then punish them because they spent it on something popular of which you personally disapprove. Doesn’t exactly make it much of a gift."</p>
<p>Throwing a hissy fit about lost allowance because it was frivolously spent is “tasteful”? BTW, a gift, once given, is not revocable. A conditional future gift can be revoked if the recipient fails to fulfill the condition. That’s what the common law typically says. If I see that the kid spends the allowance money on booze, tattoos and second-hand Louboutins, I simply withhold future cash flows. What’s distasteful about that?</p>
<p>Now I’m getting suspicious. I bought D 2 P!NK tickets for her birthday for a show that was later moved to a day that she was going to be out of town. Sadly she had to take the refund for 2 lower bowl seats. Coincidentally she did get an ankle tattoo later that spring (that is very nice and an image of a personal and lifelong important thing - also beautiful). Now I’m wondering if that’s what she got for her birthday instead with the refund money! Hmmmmmm</p>
<p>Anyway . . . I’m not going to throw a “fissy hit” about it ;)</p>
<p>Saintfan, you already gave her the tickets. Can’t take them back or attach any conditions to those! ;)</p>
<p>
<em>sigh</em></p>
<p>No, I was listening… I was just ALSO listening to the thousand other posts in a dozen other threads at the same time. I apologize. It was not my intent to imply that you were stating anything other than a personal aesthetic preference - with which I have absolutely no problem.</p>
<p>
Not at all. I don’t care at all what other people like or do not like. I have been judging people for taking actions to hurt others (in ways small and large) based on their dislike (or like!) of tattoos. I think that’s a pretty big difference. If you look at someone and think “I don’t like that you have a tattoo!”, that’s fine! If you look at someone and think “I don’t like that you have a tattoo, and I am going to punish you for it!” then I have a problem with that behavior. It makes no more sense to me than punishing someone for wearing clothes you don’t like, or listening to music you don’t like, or anything else as arbitrary.</p>
<p>Which leads into:</p>
<p>
It doesn’t matter to me what other people think, but it does matter to me what other people do. There are enough bad reasons to treat others poorly, I don’t see a reason to glorify adding “because they have tattoos” to that list.</p>
<p>And again, I am not accusing you of this, but if you peruse the various tattoo threads you will see evidence of what I am talking about.</p>
<p>“Giving someone money for entertainment and clothes and other frivolous things and then reducing expected future monies because you object to the specific, legal, non-damaging frivolous things they selected, well that is certainly your choice but it just feels petty, and seems a bad way to respect the fact that your child is now an adult and supposed to be making their own decisions.”</p>
<p>Some of us might take issue with the use of the word “non-damaging.” </p>
<p>If my daughter went and got her lips plumped up a la Angelina Jolie, I suppose it’s “non-damaging” but I would object to my hard-earned money being used to make her look like a bimbo. Oh, is that judgmental? (I don’t think AJ looks like a bimbo, but I think women who get their lips plumped up really, really big look like bimbos. Is that judgmental to not want my D to look like one of those?) </p>