<p>It’s a private school, so they can do as they wish and it does sound like the parents are out of control. </p>
<p>What comes to my mind is concern about why this school is so full of families who lack the value system the school is so proudly defending.</p>
<p>I’m sure the problems extend beyond the prom and were evident before these pre-prom cocktail parties. There’s a disconnect somewhere.</p>
<p>Frankly, I don’t think these families will care much that the prom was cancelled. They are obviously seeking more splash than a prom provides, which is why they surround the prom with more lavish events. </p>
<p>Those who will feel this sting are the families with kids who were looking forward to the prom itself.</p>
<p>BTW, I don’t think the post-prom event was all that lavish for these families. This IS long island, so let’s be realistic. If they are all sharing the cost, it’s relatively normal for a prom weekend expense in this part of the country. They did not put down $10,000 per person, they split the rental cost amongst all attendees. The problem is with the parents sponsoring the alcohol.</p>
<p>Has anyone read any of the gossip girl series? Someone gave my younger D a box of books and they were included. I read them first and didn’t let her read them. Not appropriate for her age. That party sounds like something out of one of these books.</p>
<p>The gossip girls were pretty wild. D wasn’t really interested in reading them, I read one when looking for other books for her- but they sounded a lot wilder than even my high school days- guess they raised the bar!
But seriously it made my jaw drop- I just read the first two and the “adventures” that the girls had made me cringe-</p>
<p>But I have noticed that teen books are often full of stuff that wouldn’t have been discussed around the dinner table 30 years ago. Even the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants- which my D read when it came out, has one character “sleeping” with her summer soccer coach.
It can be useful as a device to lead to discussion, but I have found it easier to get a dialogue going while watching a movie ( that I have picked for that purpose;) ).</p>
<p>My D also has a pretty good viewpoint on what is appropriate I think. The other day I was telling my mother about a DVD I rented that had actually been recommended by folks on CC ( Love Actually). While I enjoyed it, there was a lot more nudity and implied sex than I usually see. When my D shared that she had seen the movie at an overnight ( along with Mulan two), I was surprised, but she pointed out that it was a lot more appropriate than the violent/scary type movie like the Ring, that was picked for the school ski bus trip. I had to agree with her.
I am not a focus on the family type by anymeans- but I do think it matters a great deal what example we set for our kids.</p>
<p>Confusing, isn’t it??? My sons attended a Jesuit high school and, although I firmly believe that it was quite possibly the best high school in the whole wide world ;), I have to admit that the values and ethics of the families there are not really that much different from our local public school. Like everywhere else, there is a mix. The problem is that you get a lot of families with more money than they know what to do with - and that brings a whole new set of problems with it.</p>
<p>I interpreted the party deposit of $10,000 from 46 kids as just that - a party for 46 kids who were going to rent a $20,000 house. But who knows? Maybe it also included their dates, or they were paying for the whole class or something. (Still obscene in my opinion.) According to the school’s web site they are 6 through 12th grade and have 2500 kids enrolled.</p>
<p>the thing is I can see how it happens.
It is a slippery slope.
You want your kids to be happy, you start out by going crazy buying them strollers from Britian, down jackets from Italy, birthday parties at who knows where cause you dont want to have it at your house. Everybody gets their ears pierced when they are 10, their belly when they are 15. Then they need the clothing to show off their belly piercing and their tan carefully aquired over their"study abroad" trip, the party to show off their dance lessons, the new car to show off their mommies money…
I grew up in an atmosphere not quite that extreme but the average suburb in the 60s seems different than some now. It seems much higher end now.
I made a delibrate choice to move to the city and live in a blue collar ( well it was then) neighborhood, becuase even when my daughter was 1, I could feel the subtle pressure to consume and keep up.
Yes I know that noone is going to twist your arm and force you to give your daughter an A&F card for her 13th birthday.
But peer pressure is very powerful, and I just didn’t want to live in a place where I felt like I needed to fit in.</p>
<p>I also agree that the actual deposit- while a huge amount of money- might not actually be unreasonable depending on what housing is going for in that area- I don’t know- it isn’t just the amount of money that I am concerned about- it is the parents- flaunting the schools guidelines, and legal guidelines ( it is illegal as far as I know to supply anyones kid with liquor, although your child may have some in your own house), while they may argue this is their last chance to throw their kid a big party ( which it isn’t) it may be their last chance to show their kid their values</p>
<p>( now that i think about it- I wonder how much of that was for a damage deposit- our school has a big graduation party-all night at an undisclosed location, parents and students both have to sign forms stating that they will abide by rules and that students will not be released except to their parents, until the party buses come back to the school.
Still last year- two girls who wanted to leave- were so angry that they weren’t allowed to just take off, ripped one of the seats out of the bus, and tore a pay phone off the wall. Their parents were very upset, not so much at the girls, but at the school who didn’t let them leave.- I have to wonder, does anyone look at what they sign anymore?)</p>
<p>It is scary that kids & parents have a feeling of “entitlement” and that rules are only for others & they can do whatever suits their needs & purposes at any given time. The short-term “benefit” has long-term HUGE consequences for the family, school & society.</p>
<p>This feeling seems to lead to very confused young adults who suddenly have to face consequences of their actions in court & no longer can duck behind mommy & daddy when the judge says finds that they violated the law.</p>
<p>I teach at a small public high school. After helping to chaperone our junior-senior prom last spring, I am ready to see some major changes. Enough of our students arrived in a drunken state that our administrators had to spend their evening making phone calls to the students’ homes to inform parents of the students’ condition. To our disgust, several of the parents refused to come pick up their children from the prom. In order to prevent the drunken ones from driving home, we had to ask the guard at the country club gate to stop certain cars from leaving the neighborhood. </p>
<p>In addition, some of the parents actually hosted (in absentia for some) after-prom parties in which alcohol was served to the students. They vowed to the other parents that no one who drank would be allowed to leave the all-night party until morning. How irresponsible is that whole situation??? Their argument is that the teens will drink anyway so why not provide a safe environment for them to partake in the illegal activity??? Never mind that a mom in a neighboring county was recently charged in the death of her son’s teenage friend from alcohol poisoning after he consumed too much alcohol in her home!</p>
<p>Our school is actually planning on requiring mandatory breathalyzer tests for everyone at the entrance to the prom this year!</p>
<p>I just read that the first letter he fired off was last Spring, just before the 2005 prom. This was the letter where he spoke of the house rental and asked parents to join him in taking a serious look at the prom and it’s purpose - and the rental of the house was cancelled after that letter (the house was $20,000 for 60 kids, plus a $6k refundable security deposit). He, in his letter, said he was looking to change the date for the 2006 prom to have it on the Friday before graduation so that he could limit post-prom activities. Somehow, between that letter and now, he decided to nix it completely. It is assumed that his change in stance was due to the fact that some parents moved to rent yet another house after the first house rental was cancelled and money refunded. </p>
<p>I don’t know…he wrote that the Jr prom has similar problems. Now all of the kids go without a prom because of a few. I guess it’s too hard to remove those families from the school (???). Seems that removing the few rotten apples might be an alternate approach. After all, isn’t one of the benefits of a private school that they can select families who meet their standards and weed out anything that might pollute the experience for the other students? </p>
<p>That article was pretty gross. It’s worse at my school. Imagine the kids of CEOs, actors, diplomats, etc. going on spring break trips together. Our pre prom is at Tavern on the Green, and three years ago (or something like that) the Bahamas hotel Atlantis made a new rule that their patrons must be over 21 (you can still get in with connections though) because of springbreakers from mine and a few other NYC privates. And my school isn’t even as ostentatious as our rival down the road. I find it repulsive. The student parking lot looks like a bmw show case. Whoa! The colbert report just came on and it’s about million dollar proms today too… weirrd.</p>
<p>I’ve seen the schools with the luxury import laden student parking lots and know a few students who kick around in their own $40k cars. I guess it’s no surprise that these kids are the same ones whose parents are never around to spend time at school, have no idea where the kid wants to go to college or what their essay was about, forget to show up at the pre-graduation events (or show up without the plate of home baked goodies they were supposed to bring because they forgot to read the notice about the event, so they dash to the gas station in their mercedes a buy a box of cookies when they notice the other parents walking in with foil covered platters of delicious homemade goodies)…ha, ha, Can you tell I have met a few of these parents IRL?</p>
<p>They are also the same parents who pay for their daughter to fly away to some expensive spring break/graduation extravaganza somewhere, but never bother to call and see if it is chaperoned or speak with the “parents” who are “supposed” to chaperone…so they have no idea that it isn’t chaperoned at all! All of the other parents assume they’ll eventually call and find out, but they don’t…as their daughter knows - they never call to check on anything - except to see when her Mercedes needs servicing or when her latest Prada will arrive. </p>
<p>Yep, that’s how it goes with these kids. It’s all very sad. I’ve never, ever, ever seen one with a good value system in place and a solid family life. </p>
<p>You know what really shows their hand, when the schools where these kids are concentrated publish their college lists. Whooops! There’s one thing you can’t buy. Yes, you can prep for the SAT, hire the counselor, etc…but I would expect the results to be better than what I see each year from these groups. Priorities.</p>
<p>I guess I had really no idea.
I do live in hicksville. even though my D attended private school K-12 the same schools where the Gates and Bezos and Arkin kids go, from the look of how many of the kids dress, not to mention the parents, you would think you were in Wisconsin. I did know a few people who were way too focused on prestige, but it just wasnt done to name drop too much ( I know I am a hypocrite but I was trying to make a point- I know thats what they all say)
anyway- teh physical plants of the schools are usually nothing to write home about- they are almost all of them, former public schools, my D high school used to be a car dealership.
But then today, I was reading an architecture magazine at lunch and WOW! I couldn’t beleive some of the buildings they have on the east coast- they looked better designed than Microsoft campus.
I would have to buy a whole new wardrobe to walk into one of those- and I wouldn’t want to think about how much they would expect you to contribute to the auction.</p>
but I was trying to make a point- I know thats what they all say)