So sorry to hear of the setback @rockvillemom. I hope they can get some things under control at the hospital
Thank you @deb922 between the cancer, pain and lack of sleep, lack of a suitable place to live and not having a steady support person, I don’t even know how she has made it this far.
Concerning “what if’s”.
I had plenty of that with my own mom who had cancer. My final conclusion after beating myself up was I didn’t have time nor energy to dwell on it nor would it change the situation. You can only move forward with present knowledge. You make decisions based on present situation as best you can and move on.
So true, it’s just hard to let it go.
Thank you for the update - I am so sorry she is the hospital but very glad she is being cared for. I will continue to pray for her. And please don’t feel guilt, just keep being a good friend to her. I know it means the world to her.
It has been a rough month (or more) for you. It seems like you have done an outstanding job for your friend, all that you could and can. For your own health- mental and physical- you now need to let the system do what it can and let go. Time to be a visitor and offer that kind of support. Stop any “what ifs” or other “could have done more” thoughts. Do consider support for yourself during this difficult time (I mean real world as opposed to our online support), you are also undergoing a major event.
I have to respectfully disagree with wis75. The poor woman needs some kind of an advocate, even within the system. The good news about her being at JHU, especially if she is within a cancer program/practice, is that it is likely that the cancer patient support system will swing into action. Nevertheless, it might take a little prodding here and there, and it sounds unlikely that there is anyone else to do it and unfortunately equally unlikely that she will ask. If you can continue to keep an eye on the situation without driving yourself into a poor situation it would be a blessing for you both.
I know that you also have the difficult situation with your parents, so you really need to consider availing yourself of whatever caregiver support is out there and take care of yourself.
Thank you both. Honestly, I am close to a nervous breakdown. I am overwhelmed and depleted. My workload with her absence is unmanagable. I have someone who is helping me an hour or two per day, but that is a far cry from a full time assistant who handled her own lane of tasks with minimal supervision on my part. I literally cry every day from the stress at work and worrying about her. This morning, after several people stopped by my office to inquire about her, I just broke down. It is very hard to try and stay calm and professional when people are asking me if I think she is dying.
As much as I want to help and support her and be her advocate, there’s just not much I can do. Her cousin and aunt are going to have to figure it out. I would certainly jump in if she specifically asked me to look into something, but I am not going to make any further suggestions or do any more research at this time. I feel good that I played a role in getting her to JHU. I am pleased that I have advocated for her best interests at work. I will be her friend till the end.
So sorry. But when we break down, it’s a sign something either needs to change or you need a break, whatever that is for you.
Is there no one at work or a temp to fill in her missing 40 hours? Or even 25? Are you the supervisor? Because that’s a company issue. Not yours alone.
I’m sympathetic. But we can’t do it all, be a friend, be research help, deal with your own parents, and hold up her work contribution, plus take care of yourself.
I’m just too exhausted to even try and figure it out. I think after her remaing 10 weeks of FMLA are over and she had not returned, mgmt will be forced to hire a full time replacement, whom I will have to train. I just want to get through tomorrow and enjoy my wknd.
I feel ridiculous complaining, I’m not the one dying of cancer.
Are you able to hire a temp to relieve the work load from not having an assistant?
You’ve done a lot.
Don’t feel bad complaining @rockvillemom. That’s what we are here for.
It’s sounds really overwhelming.
I don’t know if it makes you feel any better. But the same thing happened to my sister. Where her work mate had a very similar situation, down to not having a support system. It was very very hard for her. The only thing I could do was listen, which I do.
These things are very hard.
I think the very best thing for your friend is that now she’s in the hospital.
I think so too. She had a radiation treatment today, will have again tomorrow and Monday, hoping that will start to help.
I just need to take breaks at work. Today I literally sat at my computer from 9 to nearly 5 with 1 bathroom break and ate a granola bar while working. Absurd. Maybe if I stop trying so hard to get everything done mgmt will recognize this is not sustainable. If I get it all done, they don’t see any issue.
@rockvillemom re #189 “I feel ridiculous complaining, I’m not the one dying of cancer.” Someone’s tragedy in no way makes your struggles less important.
@rockvillemom can you send out an email to your co-workers telling them that you will send out updates via email and to please not interrupt your work to ask about her?
Thank you. I’m honestly not sure. I know I am struggling. I am in tears at some point pretty much every day the past few weeks and have lost almost 15 pounds. I could stand to lose the weight, but I have no appetite which is bizarre, I usually overeat when stressed. I’m just so sad. I can’t get away from any of it because work and my sick friend are so intertwined. I think a week off would really help, but that’s not happening any time soon.
Then take your lunch breaks and see if you can leave an hour or two early one day a week. Let the work go a little bit.
Hugs big time! I’ve been stressed for past few weeks and my friend actually said “the scale will tell the story”. I didn’t know what the heck she meant until I went to the bathroom scale afterwards and realized I’d lost 5 pounds in a couple weeks without even knowing it. My emotions were also on the edge.
Take care of yourself. Time to withdraw and do things which renew your own strength.
Deep breaths. Move in a straight line. Don’t scatter your energy. That includes work. Scale back and let management worry about their business.
Do those things you love that you’ve been neglecting. Re-visit yourself.
It is NOT your job to keep everyone afloat.
Your goal at this point is to renew yourself.
I’m a very firm believer that you can’t take care of anybody without taking care of yourself first.
Truth—It is not your job to manage the company. JUST STOP. You are not two people. You know it. And they know it too.
They aren’t jumping up and down to do anything because you are doing all the work for them.
I’m not lecturing you—-I’ve played this scenario out way long ago. Both as employee and as boss.
Sometimes helps to admit, “My cup is full.”