My cat panics beforehand, when she senses she is going to go into the crate. I swear she worries about it so much more than the actual experience of it. As soon as I put her into the crate, she howls and cries. But the minute we start the car and get moving, she’s as quiet as a mouse, as long as she can see me from the crate. I’ve forgotten she is even there a time or two. But I’ve never taken her more than a few hours. I don’t know how she’d react to a 12 hour drive.
She is 15 and seems younger, although recently she was diagnosed as having elevated kidney markers. I could never give her up, though. She “imprinted” to me a long time ago and would be devastated. I just couldn’t do it. Maybe I “imprinted” on her as well.
Sometimes she sits at the top of the stairs at night and calls me. She is ready to go to bed, and wants her pillow (me) already!
Have you looked at more herbal options? There’s the SSRI/Xanaz option for animals but I know there’s also CBD based stuff for pet anxiety and like someone earlier said Benadryl. I’d hope there’s something among that variety.
Is she any better in the car without a crate? One of my cats is much happier in my lap - have you tried that?
We got our first cat when we bought this house on LI. The prior owners moved to Texas for job reasons and didn’t want to take a 15 year old Maine Coon along. Our situation was a little different, however, because the cat had been born 2 doors down and his sister still lived in his birth home with their original owner. We had him for 7 years and I still miss him.
I have no advice for the OP, but I wish you luck and a good heart whatever you do. I was so happy that our cat’s family opted not to take him. H didn’t want a cat but he fell in love with him the first day. We’ve had cats ever since.