I interpreted dadx’s post 13 as saying that the book seemed similar, but not as bad / rude as the cellphone. Is that how everyone else interpreted it?
Maybe she was reading a book on the phone. Or maybe she was checking baseball scores which I would have been peeking over her shoulder to see so that I wouldn’t appear to be rude by using my phone.
I think a book is ruder. At least with a phone there could be a legit reason to look at it initially. But pulling out a book is clearly just choosing to disengage.
As far as age, my antecdotal observation is that middle aged women text and drive more frequently than young people. So I don’t think phone rudeness would be limited to young people either.
I was 3 seats away and I could see it was Facebook and texting. We had arrived early (hence why we were in such good seats) and had sat there for a good half hour before the program started.
I once made the HUGE mistake of politely asking someone to turn off their very distracting phone during a speaker event (bright screen, dark auditorium). Judging by her reaction, you would think I poured scalding water over her head. It was very embarrassing for all of us. Unfortunately for me, I’ll never do it again.
That’s interesting that you say that, because I wouldn’t really care if someone had a cell phone on during a movie (provided they kept it down low and the light didn’t distract). Because movies don’t have feelings. I don’t know, perhaps this is just me, but I just kept thinking - how much this man’s feelings would be hurt if he were seeing this obvious disengagement from his speech. I’m not usually high on the empath scale but that does bother me.
^Maybe you misunderstood. I was at a speaker event. The woman next to me was using her bright phone in the darkened auditorium. Very distracting to me, to everyone around us, and probably to the speaker on stage as well.
EDIT: After reading my original post, I was not clear. Apologies.
As long as she didn’t have her keyboard sounds on so everyone can hear her typing, I wouldn’t think anything of it. My attitude is you can’t control other people’s behavior. You can only control yours. I would never consider motioning to a friend of mine to put her phone away. My daughters yes, but not a friend.
Just earlier this month, I was visiting son and we went to a movie.
Not long into the movie, right in the middle of the theater, someone turned on their phone and in a dark movie theater, that is immediately distracting to everyone in the room.
If you ever believe you are being secretive doing something like that…you’re not.
In a dark environment, your brain is immediately going to react to something like that, which is a distraction from the movie. That’s why they have the childish advertisements before hand telling people to turn off their phones.
I was seconds away from going to get an usher and requesting the person be told to turn off the phone or leave the theater, when they turned it off on their own.
I hope whoever was sitting with them, kicked them…HARD.
I do think the social norms re cell phones at the table are changing. I don’t like it, but it does seem to be the case. Part of the reason is that there are so many things to do on a cell phone that are acceptable – like taking notes.
For example, I’m in a little wine club with a group of friends who meet for dinner once a month and share really good wines. The other people in the group are REALLY into wine and they all keep these elaborate journals with tasting notes. They used to keep them in written form, but now they all do it on their phones. It does drive me NUTS that they are typing into their phones during dinner or consulting their phone journals for the last time we had a similar wine or whatever, but it seems completely socially acceptable to all of the other members of the group (except me). These are perfectly polite people in most contexts.
I made the joke above about live tweeting, but we are moving into an age where everyone is a “journalist” and sharing contemporaneous thoughts abt activities with the rest of the world is becoming more and more common. We might not like it, but our kids’ generation may decide it is a sign of respect to contemporaneously document an event on Instagram or Facebook as it is occuring.
(Luckily, I’m participating in a Webinar remotely at my desk right now so the presenters who are droning on about nothing can’t tell I’m on my phone.)
Wow, I think this was incredibly rude behavior. It just shows that people of any age can be jerks with cellphones. I think I might have reached over, pat her on the leg, and made a motion for her to put the phone away. Coming from you, it would have been shocking enough to possibly work.
Even though I believe it’s rude to correct other adults’ manners, if their rudeness is affecting my enjoyment and giving offense to others, I don’t hesitate to point it out. I once shushed a woman at Symphony Hall, and it worked. I really don’t care what she thought, because I was setting boundaries and enforcing a societal standard.
I work at a senior center, one of the few places where I don’t see people melded to their cell phones at all times. Woman B in the OP is not only rude, she’s more adept at cell phone usage than the older folks I know. The average age of our membership is 79; all are independent seniors, and the great majority carry cell phones. We periodically have cell phone workshops to help them with stuff like setting up contact info, text messaging, saving photos, etc.
Maybe we live in the last polite bubble in the universe, but our folks don’t even place their cell phones on the table at lunch so as not to miss a call, let alone surf the net instead of conversing with others or listening to speakers. The staff has just begun to realize that we should ask attendees to turn off cell phone ringers during programs, since younger seniors might be more of the mindset that cell phones trump all else.
I think peer pressure has tamped down in-your-face cell phone use here so far, but the peers are changing.
All of these women in this age group whom I wind up spending time with are fully cell phone / iPad / computer adept! They wouldn’t think twice about downloading a new app, banking online, texting a friend, using OpenTable to book a lunch, etc. And it’s not even necessarily about ‘staying in touch with the grandkids’ - I think it’s just the new norm. But I’m talking a bit younger – women in early / mid 70’s.
“I made the joke above about live tweeting, but we are moving into an age where everyone is a “journalist” and sharing contemporaneous thoughts abt activities with the rest of the world is becoming more and more common.”
Another pet peeve but that’s a whole other discussion. 
I make it a personal rule for myself to put my cellphone on vibrate/turn it off right before attending such an event, date, or any situation where I’m expecting to fully engage with people IRL.
Not only is using cell phones, reading books, etc in such situations rude, it can also prevent one from fully taking in the event…including observing peoples’ facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, funny events, etc.
Never understood the need to pull up one’s cell/computer/book during a social event even if one’s bored…that’s all stuff I can easily do at home or elsewhere.
I differ slightly in this respect in two situations:
- If the rudeness/inattention will jeopardize the friend's relationships with mutual friends/family or employers. For instance, I had to nudge a much older friend awake at his boss' event in which he extended the invitation to yours truly. Wouldn't have wanted the boss to have an excuse to give him a hard time later on or even to terminate his employment for such reasons.
- If the rudeness/inattention will cause negative social fallout for my relationship with the hosts because they understandably will take umbrage at seeing someone disengage socially by using a cellphone, reading a book. playing on computer on occasions when he/she should be trying to engage with RL human beings. Although I grew up in the early stages of the internet/smartphone revolution.....I'm still of the mind that if one's with other people IRL...they get first priority for his/her engagement/interaction/attention....NOT the cellphone/electronics/books.
Not sure what to say about your reaction. But here’s mine.
You aren’t responsible for her actions. You aren’t her mother. Doesn’t sound like she disturbed others (except you).
The speaker is a big boy. He’ll get over it.
I wouldn’t have said anything except to engage in a conversation afterwards as to how much the participants got out of the experience and to discuss their reactions.
We were just at a political function, that we paid to attend and had a table. During the keynote that was just a few feet from us a friend sat there texting or emailing. I didn’t say anything, but I do think people are addicted now to their phones.
I think it was inconsiderate
And I would not ever invite her again to something like this.
<<< woman B pulled out her cell phone and started silently playing on it - checking FB, texting and the like
it had been my kid, I would have given him the Eye of Death and told him to cut it out. Heck, I would have given my mother the Eye of Death if she’d pulled out her phone
.>>>
You’d be surprised how many people have been raised without experiencing That Look that good parents give when they or siblings misbehaved.
@Pizzagirl --Did you say anything to her after the event was over? If so, how did she react?
Did they have a “turn off your cell phone announcement” at the beginning of the event? Most people are pretty good about actually powering down their phones when prompted with that reminder. If she left hers on despite the announcement, she’s probably beyond shaming.