Though the charitable giving sounds good in concept, I would want my kid to give because they feel it’s something meaningful, not because they feel guilty. I don’t think that’s healthy. One can appreciate what has been given to them in life without feeling badly about it. That sounds like a recipe for unhappiness.
The reality is, none of us know what tomorrow may bring. The most lucky, privileged person could have the worst tragedy. Appreciate what you have, because tomorrow it could all be gone.
Maybe you can encourage her to feel less guilty by digging up some statistics on what the giving rates are on average. I would imagine from what you describe that she is well above the average, especially at her younger age.
@busdriver11 I understand what you are saying, but I think this is a false dichotomy. I have no doubts she finds it’s meaningful, but she also feels guilty based on some comments (though she never stated this explicitly, so perhaps I am wrong). And yes, it is unhealthy and a recipe for unhappiness, that’s why I am asking how to find and justify the right balance. Any advice?
“The reality is, none of us know what tomorrow may bring. The most lucky, privileged person could have the worst tragedy. Appreciate what you have, because tomorrow it could all be gone.”
Isn’t this the reason to donate more today while you can? You may be the one who needs help and kindness of others tomorrow, no matter how much you save and plan ahead…
Thanks @doshicos. Actually, this is the first thing I did, but she did not care at all about the others. She wants a solution that’s right for her. I am not afraid that she will donate her last dollar (at least not today), but, as busdriver mentioned, donating should make a person feel happy, rather than contemplating whether he/she did enough. I always thought that this balance should come naturally, as stated by many posters, but suddenly I am finding it surprisingly difficult to rationalize, even to myself.
I haven’t read all posts, but suggest she focus on saving for retirement, in addition to anything else. If her income is expected to go up significantly, a ROTH IRA might be the way to go. It’s truly great that she’s so generous with his time, and her money, but you never know what the future may bring, and protecting herself is also important.
I know I am not going to be popular here, but I see no reason to budget for a wedding vs charitable giving. You said your D is "…not interested in expensive clothing, bags, shows, jewelry… " so why would she be interested in an expensive wedding? She should save that money for something more important to her.
I think it sounds like your D is a very compassionate and mature person. She knows that contributing to society, while taking care of herself by saving and not living beyond her means, adds value to society.
To be totally earnest, budgeting for a wedding was totally my idea They are not engaged, so wedding is a touchy subject, and we’ve never discussed the budget. Based on some of her prior comments, I suspect she would want inexpensive countryside wedding, but she would also like to invite all of her (many) friends, so it won’t be very cheap easer…
I think it is very important to donate when you can, however, as a young person, unless you have a substantial inheritance, it is unlikely you have built up a large safety net to take care of yourself, should something drastic in your life happen. So I don’t know that heavy giving is the best idea right now. I can understand if someone had been brought up where the family donates substantially (and yours might), if they are highly religious, or they have a cause that they have totally fell in love with.
But what concerns me is that you mentioned her feeling guilty and privileged, that she feels she isn’t doing enough, and that there isn’t a specific cause that she’s attracted to. I think it’s worth figuring out her motives, how much is enough, and why does she not feel like she’s doing enough, even though it’s far more than most.
There is great value in working hard, and saving your money for the things that will come up in life. If she’s making a high income, she’s paying plenty of taxes…if she’s paying 30% of her income or so in taxes, Medicare and FICA, that’s certainly being a productive citizen and giving to others. Does she consider that a contribution?
I’ve seen young people that seemed to have all the privilege in the world fall into awful circumstances. Accidents, unemployment, cancer, violence, death. If you find she is feeling guilty about her life, maybe you can find a way to remind her of this, though the way I say it sounds depressing. Hopefully that’s not the case!
@busdriver11 These are all great points, very comprehensive and helpful, and I did not think about many of them. I need to think it through. Thank you very much!
She sounds like an amazing young woman…like the type I hope my boys might marry someday. Good luck to you, hopefully she just is incredibly generous and does not feel bad about her good fortune in life. I imagine she earned much of it by her own hard work.
There aren’t many charities that pass my personal sniff test so I am in the camp of getting her IRA and 401K optimised, having an emergency fund, forget the imaginary wedding but start saving as a single woman for a home deposit, plan for the unthinkable (potential divorce after imaginary wedding, life changing illness, accident, global crisis, dangerous moron in the white house). Send her over to bogleheads.
Very interesting topic. It seems not too few people suggest a new college graduate save for their retirement, future car, house, childcare, etc., first. I’m interceded in what financial future might look like between those who opt for savings versus those who donate readily at this young age. I suspect those who suggest save first are doing well financially themselves. Some people do not give while young but millions when old, don’t they?
As for the OP’s daughter I’d say that she’s doing fine.
True some give millions when they are old but taken to the extreme you get Warren Buffets philosophy that the logical think for him to do is accumulate as much wealth as possible and give it away when he dies. That strikes me as a little less than benevolent.
I think if OP’s daughter uses a percentage of income rather than stressing over dollar amount, she can be charitable and provide for her own savings and future. The widow’s mite still has value.
post #33 “I’m interceded in” - How did “interested” become “interceded”?
Sometime ago here on CC I mentioned that under the pressure I might borrow to donate. That was labeled the stupidest idea by a poster who I think makes millions but donates 50 bucks to their alma mater. I wonder if their thinking helps them financially in the first place. (Of course they might donate millions to elsewhere.)
Back to OP’s concerns, I just think the ‘privilege and guilt’ could be reframed as ‘awareness of and gratitude for our blessings’ and a willingness to give back. That’s a good thing.
That’s how I got my kids involved in service, from an early age. Then it became their own drive. But it needs to be balanced with realism.
@Sybylla Haha, crossing the imaginary wedding off the list She is researching charities very thoroughly using the approaches similar to those described in MacAskill in his book mentioned above. I just started reading the book, and it is excellent (it addresses many issues discussed in this thread)
My older S does a lot of charitable giving and he likes this approach: http://www.givewell.org/effective-altruism
He is focused on charities that get the biggest bang for the buck in terms of lives saved, and GiveWell does a lot of the research to provide that info. He donates to other political and social causes as well, but the bulk of his charitable giving goes to GiveWell.
I also worry that he should be stockpiling for his own life, but he has been doing that as well. I’m pleasantly surprised at his seriousness about charitable giving; he lives simply, but I didn’t expect him to be as outwardly focused at this stage of his life. There seems to be a cultural awareness of privilege in his corner of the universe, and I’m glad that message has stuck.
S2 does charitable donations as well, also appropriate to income, but he has a much smaller paycheck. He does more volunteer service, which has always been one of his things.
Since we’ve moved into the territory of effective giving I’ll offer my two cents as someone who runs a charity.
Any time you use a charity rating or recommendation site be sure you know how they rate charities and what conditions they impose. For instance, GiveWell only looks at charities serving “the global poor” and among those, only organizations that have consistent annual program expenditures of over 1 million dollars. In other words, your local food pantry probably wouldn’t qualify and your favorite environmental cause, no matter how effective, definitely wouldn’t. Furthermore, because Givewell only recommends a very small percentage of organizations after an exhaustive and time-consuming process it wouldn’t be cost effective for many smaller organizations like mine to participate anyway.
This is not to say anything negative about Givewell. What they do they do well as far as I can tell, and I wouldn’t hesitate to give to one of their causes. Just remember that many worthy causes won’t be rated by GiveWell, Charity Navigator (another good rating site that only considers larger charities) and many others. Some raters impose greater barriers, such as requiring a fee or taking a cut of donations made through their site.
The best way to check out the methodology is to look at the “For Charities” link usually found at the bottom of the page. It’ll tell you the parameters for consideration.
I’m a big fan of donating to causes you’ve learned from the inside. That is to say, if you can volunteer for a charity before donating do it. Combined with a little financial sleuthing done through Guidestar or Charity Navigator this is a great way to learn whether the organization is one worthy of your support.
BTW, I hadn’t run across the MacAskill book before but I just read the first chapter (Playpumps Int’l vs. Deworm the World) on line and I have to say it’s spot on in describing some of the pitfalls of charities that try to impose solutions from the outside without proper reflection. I plan to pick up the book and read the rest.
They are not engaged, so wedding is a touchy subject, and we’ve never discussed the budget. Based on some of her prior comments, I suspect she would want inexpensive countryside wedding, but she would also like to invite all of her (many) friends, so it won’t be very cheap easer…