This is one area which concerns me with whomever I end up starting a family with as it seems most families have expectations of gift-giving for adults and children which wasn’t how my extended family did Christmas.
When I receive gifts from friends or colleagues, I still have to restrain a part of my mind from reflexively thinking that the gift-giver still views me as a kid…especially if he/she’s 10+ years older than me.
As for kids turning into greedy little monsters for the day…that wouldn’t have been acceptable in my immediate/extended family or many others in my old neighborhood. Tthe way my extended family and many families in my old neighborhood dealt with that was to communicate something along the lines of “No gifts for you this year because you behaved badly” to the wayward kid(s)…and stick to it.
It may not be considered “enlightened” nowadays and was hard on the parents/better behaved siblings/cousins who still got gifts…but was quite effective in turning behavior around for next Christmas.
I had more fun shopping for a needy family than I have had in years. I probably went overboard with them, but I’d rather give a family in poverty a few too many books or outfits than my own kids who want for nothing.
Next weekend is our start to Christmas. D has been away for the last three years and sorely in need of cash gifts. H and I gave up buying for each other years ago and so our only outlet for giving is the list we get from a nearby home for abused children. We get a list from an individual child and do our very best to fulfill each wish. I can’t get into the mood until the gifts are delivered. And then…let the self involved excess begin.
The thing about Christmas is it should be a time when we can celebrate (or not) as they wish and not feel pressure. For me it is about the traditions of the season we love, cutting our own tree at a tree farm, watching the Christmas specials (a Charlie Brown Christmas turns 50 this year, god I feel old, but it still chokes me up), and simply trying to be as stress free as possible. Being estranged from my birth family, it can be hard at times, but to be honest Christmas in my birth family wasn’t all that great, lot of drama and things we didn’t want to do. We have some traditions, like going to have a meal at our favorite restaurant in the Bronx near where we used to live, and visiting a house nearby who has to be seen to be believed with its decorations, over the top and tacky but fun, and they also raise a lot of money for an orphanage in doing so (you have never seen anything like it, ‘angel’s’ with 1980’s hair wearing low cut gowns and spike heels is just the tip of the iceberg lol). It is also nice not to stress about gifts, we are at a point if we want/need things we talk about it, but for the most part we are happy basically to sit back and enjoy. It will help this year that unlike last year, I can take off pretty much the second half of December, so no stress:)
"As for kids turning into greedy little monsters for the day…that wouldn’t have been acceptable in my immediate/extended family or many others in my old neighborhood. "
Don’t get too cocky. Waa raiding parties of people you don’t know to steal their food and drink considered acceptable behavior?
We love Christmas. We will get two large poinsettias delivered on December 4. But other than those…no decorations until about 10’days before Christmas. I won’t even take the stuff out of the attic until then.
We put our tree and decorations up even later. In the case of the tree, we usually wait until the kids are home so its often not until the 20th or 21st, but our tradition is to keep the tree, etc. up until Three Kings Day.
As far as outside decor, we keep it old school New England with a candle type light and a wreath in each window on the front of the house and a bigger wreath on the front door.
I live with Christmas elves. The youngest elf arose extremely early today and pulled all the Christmas décor out of the attic. My older S16 spent today painting plywood for his annual Lionel train display which involves five train sets. It’s always impressive. I’m so happy he’s never “outgrown” it. I pretty much have my children trained to do the decorating now. The oldest is calling this his “last Christmas.”
I love train sets. As a kid, we’d have one circling the tree. We’ve still got DH’s set in the attic, somewhere. Maybe I can get the kids to dig it out.
We left the new artificial tree up for months, last winter, until D1’s bf got antsy about it. (“Why is your tree still up. Do you want me to pack it?”) Thing is, I obsess at how lights are strung and just loved looking at all those perfectly spaced bulbs. So, I’ll probably make them pull that out this weekend, too.
My artificial tree stayed up for several years because it is so ndarned heavy and no one would help me take it down so undecided to check with it. I finally took it down last winter. It’s not going up again this Christmas. At present, not planning to decorate at all. With just the 2 of us, I just can’t seem to muster the enthusiasm. Maybe I’ll feel different as it gets closer.
One thing I hate about Christmas is the donations in the name of religion. I would love to see more places to be charitable without catering to a belief system. I donate stuff I would otherwise throw away to the Salvation Army because it easy- don’t have a convenient Goodwill donation site near my house. Would love to give if churches would have a large sign saying “this donated by atheists”. You do not have to believe in a god to be charitable but I don’t see secular places to do that. Another reason to not participate- they do not want me criticizing them. I would feel the need to undo their proselytizing.
There are plenty of secular places to donate, @wis75. Check out your local food pantry, women’s shelter, homeless shelter, the ASPCA, international organizations like Doctors Without Borders, Heifer International, I could go on.
You also don’t need to wait until Christmas to be charitable.
I don’t really get your rant. I am not religious at all. Despite that, I respect the charitable work many religious institutions do.
This is something I’ve never understood. There isn’t a single holiday that forces me to observe it in any particular way. YMMV if you have a particular religion that you observe. If the rest of the world (and they’re not) is decorating for Christmas are you forced to do the same? To me, it’s so optional that it’s exhilarating.
I am not a Christmas-crazy person either. We decorate just before and unlight the tree on Jan. 6.
I try to retain some of the magical feeling I felt as a child and back then it was way more subdued and quiet and mystical, IMO. At least where I lived. This over the top stuff just doesn’t appeal to me.
we put up those super-cool blue LED lights on a big spruce tree outdoors before thanksgiving as the weather was supposed to dump snow and ice on us. (it did). It looks so pretty! but normally we wait for decorating.
we usually get a fresh tree about 2 weeks before christmas. We decorate with a hodge-podge of all sorts of ornaments from home and school and from one of the grandmas. Lots of pictures and home-made crafts.
this year we are sending out care-packages with lots of home-made goodies to DS1, some college kid friends and a military kid we know. The kids still at home love to bake, but i dont want the treats around!
I don’t think everyone is putting their holiday lights on earlier for Christmas only. For example Diwali - the festival of lights in celebrated early November. Those who celebrate the holiday light up their homes especially on this day so that their home is blessed with prosperity. In India, Diwali and Christmas are the two biggest celebrations that take place. Some continue to leave their holiday lights on up through to Christmas and New Year’s.
I admit I like seeing the Christmas tree with its white lights. It brings some holiday cheer inside our homes during the cold season.
today was seriously thinking socks would be a nice gift- dozens of socks to donate to one of the local programs that gives them to the needy. And gloves. Or buying a few crates of the staple products food pantries here like to give out. >>>>>>>
One thing I hate about Christmas is the donations in the name of religion. I would love to see more places to be charitable without catering to a belief system. I donate stuff I would otherwise throw away to the Salvation Army because it easy- don’t have a convenient Goodwill donation site near my house. Would love to give if churches would have a large sign saying “this donated by atheists”. You do not have to believe in a god to be charitable but I don’t see secular places to do that. Another reason to not participate- they do not want me criticizing them. I would feel the need to undo their proselytizing.
There. did my rant.>>>>>>>>>>>>>
That is truly odd. The VAST majority of places to donate to are not religion-based. Your situation is not in my own experience,that’s for sure.