<p>My d, the one who regards UW-Madison as a back-up, was waitlisted at Notre Dame (the last of her schools she was to hear from). Actually, it’s a relief that some hard choice have been made for her. Now the hard part is deciding if we’ll be able to afford to send her to Boston College, which has emerged as number one for her now. Or will it be her favorite safety, at which she can get a sizable merit scholarship? It’s down to those two. Our attitude toward the other schools (those who rejected or waitlisted) is “If they don’t want me, I don’t want them. It’s their loss.”</p>
<p>I tried like crazy to get our D to apply to UW Madison. She knows many kids there from the Twin Cities - I think I might have poisoned that well, unintentionally, with all my “Packer Bashing” over the years ;)</p>
<p>The application process was a lot more stressful than anticipated…and I planned on significant stress. D was accepted at most schools, and importantly, to one of her top choices. But there is a lot of heart break in her class. Great kids with few options…and at least one with no options (only applied to 3 schools, all very low admit rates). I think our school needs to do a better job of college counseling–some of those lists were very optimistic, even for a top IB program.</p>
<p>I wish there were better metrics for the “cost/value” equation AND that it was better communicated. I don’t like (nor do I think it matters) the prestige or college rankings/ratings - certainly some helpful guides on types of environment, why kids chose certain schools, academic strengths and weaknesses, is appropriate - but ratings?? 1 through 600 or whatever?? really, is #599 a crappy school? of course not, but its implied!</p>
<p>Most parents don’t think twice, if at all, about their public primary school options… whatever district they live in? off they go! But when it comes to college? obsession sets in; common sense is thrown out the window (I’m guilty of this!), hours and hours and DAYS! spent pouring over meaningless stats… looking for an edge, a sign, some sort of “tell” from the college AND the student!</p>
<p>Methinks this has gotten out of hand. I promise not to do this for DS’15. And it won’t disadvantage him in anyway. But add years to my life and preserve my sanity. :)</p>
<p>Agree it’s gotten out of hand, giterdone, but it’s hard to know what else to do. Colleges publish so little data themselves about anything that could help you glean how effectively they’re providing a quality education, that one ends up grasping at whatever nuggets of quantitative data one possibly can, because hey, it’s big money and a big deal for your kid. I know I pored over god knows how many rankings, lists, student surveys, guides, you name it to try to get a handle on where kids were really having a great experience. Maybe it’s nuts, maybe not. I like to think I was able to identify some really top-notch institutions that were doing an outstanding job teaching undergraduates without pure prestige being much of a factor in my thinking. In the end, D’s list had a number of ‘name’ schools on it, but that’s because a lot of those ‘name’ schools seemed to be providing the best educational environments, from what I could tell (as well as being filled with bright, interesting students).</p>
<p>I wish there was a better way, but, until colleges start being a lot more transparent about educational outcomes, etc, it’s all we’ve got.</p>
<p>its a sign-O-the times, for sure - information overload and paralysis by analysis.</p>
<p>Makes you wonder how our generation figured it out? I really (I mean REALLY) don’t know anyone who attended a “name” school (other than the State flagship) which is only a name around here. And they seem to be doing okay… sometimes, less is more and what you don’t know? can’t hurt you.</p>
<p>giterdone, I think that is part of our shared Midwestern background. Most of the incredibly smart people I knew growing up also went to state flagship schools. If anyone dreamed big, it was possibly to go to U of Notre Dame. Of course, those Midwestern schools were also affordable.</p>
<p>D got waitlisted to Duke and her pride is hurtin… Felt like a “space filler” so do not want to pursue further even though it’s her 1st choice school… Got accepted to all the UCs, USC, and Carnegie Mellon. Should I convince her to continue pursuing Duke?</p>
<p>I am an “anti - waitlist” guy. If they don’t want me? I don’t want them. I’m PAYING for it! for cryin’ out loud!! But I understand if kids want to give it a go - and “chase their dream” so to speak…</p>
<p>MizzBee - ND was the bomb! and probably the only school that qualified as a “name” and a “dream school” back in the day. I didn’t know anyone who dared apply (or dared to admit it). And “going away” to college didn’t mean as much back then, I don’t think. Most the parents I talk to, even those who stayed in town at the U of M, said it might as well have been across the country… it felt worlds away from home, but you had the convenience of being there (home) in 30 minutes, if you had to. This concept of being too close? is a recent development, I think.</p>
<p>Agree. I think it’s time to embrace the ones that embraced you. D got wl at a few schools and she is now focusing on where she got in. WL is a murky territory.</p>
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<p>I don’t think as many parents (at least not mine) were as *involved *in the kids lives to the same extent back then as they are now. Maybe kids feel the need to get further away to be out of helicopter range. It is hard enough for them to get a little space even across the country with all of the communication advances these days.</p>
<p>I was also accepted to Johns Hopkins and Harvard!</p>
<p>We ruled out Hopkins for financial reasons, although the package was still good. We just have more affordable options else where. </p>
<p>So it’s down to Harvard and Brown. I have almost a full ride to Harvard! At Brown I’d have to take out loans, and even after the 5500 federal, Brown’s out of pocket is more than Harvard’s family contribution.</p>
<p>Harvard - no debate.</p>
<p>There is also no debate that parents are more involved today (which is not an indication of interest, just advancement in technology, as you say.)</p>
<p>However, whether your are across town or across the country? you sound the same on the cell phone - it’s the convenience and peace of mind knowing that YOU CAN BE, not that you have to be, home in minutes vs. hours.</p>
<p>I told DD that one of the many differences between in town vs. out of town is; in town, you can be home whenever, how often, you choose. Bad day? head home. Miss Mom’s cooking? head home. Younger brothers b-day? head home. Sick? head home. And its not just family or parents, there are scads! (is that still used?) of friends and friends of friends that you want to stay connected to? or reconnect with at key times during the year.</p>
<p>If the kid is the type that wants to turn their back on their whole life, leading up to college?? its been done before - but I gotta believe there’s more to that story. They’re trying to reinvent themselves and maybe become someone else, which is easier to do, when nobody knows who you were…</p>
<p>Out of town? (especially if you’re flying?) you have your semester breaks and holidays. And I know kids who couldn’t even make some semester breaks due to late tests and early start ups (end up being home < a week… it wasn’t “worth it”). Many of those? are transferring back to the State flagship :)</p>
<p>We know what would make our kids happy is to “give them permission” to leave and feel confident that they will be confident to take care of themselves. D1 was within 4 hours driving distance from home, but D2 could be few thousand miles away. In the last year, D1 has been thousands of miles away because of her job. We continue to speak few times a week, and she still makes a point of seeing us whenever possible. We don’t always celebrate birthdays on the day any more, but good wishes are still sent. D1 will take time off from work for the first time since started work to attend her sister’s high school graduation. </p>
<p>It is quite normal for kids to want some distance from family as they get older. It doesn’t mean there is any problem or they want to reinvent themselves.</p>
<p>I hate the college process, I hate that wonderful kids are so sad. D2 isnt feeling this way but D1 did. D2 (my old soul) is counseling her friends because they are so sad. saying’why did I work so hard?" “I could have worked less, had more fun…” sigh. How can we change this, or how do we counsel our kids? Just seems like the system is flawed. or do we teach them their first lesson in dealing with rejection???</p>
<p>Thanks giterdone… My D felt the same way and said the same thing so I’m going to let her heal then weigh her options…</p>
<p>Downtoearth, I agree with u. The whole application process is so unfair. My D has all the odds against her… How do u comfort that when they worked so hard all their life? I’m like u, this is the time that we teach them to learn how to deal with whatever life throws at them and always look at the situation with the “glass half full”…</p>
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<p>Forgive me, but I had to laugh at this knee jerk response from a guy whose mantra is always so anti elitism. What about fit? </p>
<p>CPU - go back to Brown with Harvard’s offer and see what they say. It won’t hurt to ask, and at least you’ll feel that you went the distance. That, and attend both schools’ accepted student’s events and see where you feel “at home.”</p>
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<p>How about counseling them thusly: “When you have a choice, take the class that most interests you. And be interested. Read the books assigned to you. Think about them. Talk about them. Don’t spend one hour a week, not to mention six hours a week, doing extracurricular activities that don’t make you happy. Work hard, sure. But do not skimp on the fun. It’s not a good idea when you’re a kid and it’s not a good idea when you’re an adult. Rather than focusing on the rank of the school you want to get into, think about the opportunities you’re going to have to learn, whether it’s at your dream school or at a less dreamy option. Know that you are a terrific, worthwhile person, regardless of where you are accepted or not accepted to college. But know this, as well: Rejection from your dream school will not be a tragedy, any more than getting into a reach makes you something special.”</p>
<p>When it comes right down to it, we as parents need to keep this stuff in perspective. If a bad college decision is someone’s “first lesson in dealing with rejection,” then I’d say that person has led a pretty charmed life! But if a college rejection really is the first lesson in rejection, parents just need to let their kids ride the wave. They’ll be okay. Heck, I could throw a rock out my living room window and hit someone who has bigger problems to deal with than a rejection from a reachy college. (And then that person would have the new problem of getting hit by a rock!)</p>
<p>@Gourmetmom - after following CPU’s thread posts, for months now; they have a real “money/affordability” issue - that was the basis for my comment. In that context, “fit” plays 2nd fiddle.</p>
<p>I have a mantra? 
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<p>My posts have a money/affordability issue? :)</p>
<p>I will be visiting both. I don’t feel comfortable approaching Brown with Harvard’s offer unless I’m sure that I want to attend Brown.</p>