@DramaQueen219 - It won’t just be for now. My D graduates in 2 weeks are we STILL occasionally get “do you think it was worth it” type comments… often from well meaning (but socially inept) acquaintances, and random distant family members. I’ve done my share of nodding and smiling, and my standard response is “She is getting a degree from a really well respected school, and following her passion. No one know what the future will hold, but she has all the tools, and is going to be fine”.
I struggle with what to say too but sometimes clever words just crop up. Just say “Yes” and leave them wondering. If they are crass enough to ask again, just say Yes. I have an awesome non-theater friend of mine who uses this all the time for odd questions, in fact, if you say would you like wine or coffee, the answer is always YES!
Or you can say "this was always a part of our family plan…Everyone figures out how to make it work…There is decent aid for Acting or MT. You’d be surprised how much money there is available for Acting and MT. I wish I had the perfect thing but you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to!
@BeBop1 no one has… yet. I’ve heard some random remarks from ‘friends’ (I use that term loosely, because honestly what friend would be so bold to?) over the last two years while looking. Almost every conversation I had with family (in laws, of course) and friends (whose kids are in middle school or younger) included the state schools that literally have no decent programs. I have no real intention to engage in actual conversation about how and why. I don’t comment on the vacations and things my friend display on social media, and ask them how they can afford them. Because it’s not my business. I do agree, that I (and the rest of you) are truly blessed to have children who know what they want to do; there are so many kids who do not (and their parents are paying equally large amounts in tuition).
I like @FourStars approach the best! :))
I’m definitely on team “it’s none of their damned business”. I tend towards the humorous brush off. “Yes and we’re taking donations” is a good one. I know people whose kids are studying the humanities can get the same kind of questioning - like “what kind of job is she going to get with a major in 18th century french poetry?”. And the validity of the question doesn’t negate its inappropriateness.
I actually have had the opposite. My son is at a SUNY school and I have had people tell me that two attorneys should be able to send their children to private schools. SO offensive. I just say that they are where they belong. I also had another mom tell me that I absolutely had to send my son to an expensive OOS party college, which admittedly has a good program in theater, but still. I asked her what email address the school should use to send her my son’s tuition bill. She said I guess SUNY is a good choice, too.
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We have been getting the “are you crazy” comments for years. My oldest three have all chosen arts degrees (MT and/or Acting). Now we are getting the financial questions. I just agree. You bet. BU is an expensive school. I also ask if they are offering assistance LOL. So far, no takers :))
@DramaQueen219 congratulations again. By now I hope that people understand the cost of these programs ( I didn’t even know until now) If anyone comments, you can say whatever you’d like but you can also mention that you know her talent and she’s worth it!
We’ve had family members (mostly our parents/her grandparents) be so bold as to ask the actual cost of a school and dollar amounts of scholarships received!! They seriously ask “So how much $ did they offer in scholarships?” and “So what’s the out of pocket cost?” I know their intentions are genuine in that they are just concerned for our and her financial well being, but really, it’s none of their damn business!!
Has anyone else encountered this?
@JavaJo - we even get that question from casual acquaintances! In some cases, I know it is genuine (they have a student who is considering the school). I ask “why do you ask”? If they are just curious, I give a vague answer. If it is a genuine question, I do generally walk them through it. I have a brother in law who wants to know because he wants to make fun of us (seriously). In his case, I thank him for his concern over our finances and say nothing else.
@JavaJo Oh yes. I have one of those. I have generally said: “I don’t really remember the exact amounts, but S received academic scholarships, we have college savings, and Hubby - who does the finances/bills for the most part - has looked at it, and we can make it happen so we will.”
@DramaQueen219 - if you can pull it off- for the casual questioner, I’d lie and talk about the aid that the schools give for the benefit of putting on great shows for 4 years! That will make them jealous.
This won’t work for everyone, but it sure shut them up for me. When asked how I managed to send one D to NYU and the other to Molloy/CAP21, I replied that I got a 50% discount - my ex paid for half!!!
@JavaJo you just described my parents to a T! I know they mean well, but they have no qualms asking direct questions about College costs and my D’s scholarships!
Just when you thought the stress and anxiety was over - housing opens up. Sigh
@emdcollege and everybody else in the Class of 2022 - guess what, the stress and anxiety doesn’t end; it just changes its focus! But I think y’all know this already, lol!
I agree that direct questions are crass, but I also think is important to share with the older generation (grandparents) just how much it really costs and how hard everyone has to work to make it happen. We get more of a, “Back in my day I waited tables and paid for school all by myself.” Really? $50,000+ waiting tables? Awesome. Then come back with, “$50,000 for FOUR years. Yikes!” “No, grandma… let me explain…”
And the waitlists open up today more so than they already have. Anyone have about $150,000 I can borrow? :))
Definitely in sticker shock…eep!
@fairlyoddmom - A-yup. I am glad to see students on the board asking “Is X college worth $$$ debt” because the answer is generally “No”. When a “dream come true” sees you graduating with monthly loan amounts that effectively cripple your ability to work at what you trained in and love… that’s not a good dream, that’s a nightmare.
Before we get into another long loan thread, I just want to throw something out there… You know how so many people felt that when people criticized or questioned them for the cost of their kids’ college for an MT degree was upsetting/offensive/not right (pick your preferred term?) Some other people might feel that same way when the conversation turns to bashing loans, loans are always awful and you should never take them, etc. Before throwing automatic judgment out there, remember that everyone has to make choices that are the right ones for them. No one is in anyone else’s house, bank account, psyche, anything, and what is right or wrong for you might not be right or wrong for someone else for whatever reason. So please tread lightly for the same reason you don’t want anyone questioning how much your child’s school costs, what their scholarship is, why you are “allowing” them to follow their dream instead of being “realistic”, etc. Thanks, wonderful, supportive CC family…