Since you asked for a veteran’s opinion, here are a few comments. As always, my comments are “opinion” and can be wrong.
1.) Over too many years on this site, I’ve seen a hesitancy towards appeals. Kudos to this group of parents that is unafraid to ask for money!
2.) I don’t always think that the schools are playing a game of chicken…with a straight out denial for more money late in the game. Early on they may give less as they try to understand their incoming student body which makes the appeal a good thing. Maybe I’m wrong…but I would guess that they are good on his instrument and don’t need to give out any more money. Remember this is often a business/music administration decision.
3.) There is a LOT that is hard about being a parent of a musician. Auditions, acceptances and money are NEVER fair…and they do NOT reflect his value. They only reflect the needs of a single dept for one April in one year.
4.) As a parent, the best thing to do…is believe in your kid no matter what. Don’t waiver (except in your bed alone). If they lose faith, you need to believe for them. I’ve had to walk around my house saying this to myself to tamp down the worry. I just believe and support…and let her do her job…in whatever environment accepts her.
You could ask him how he wants to proceed…AND reassure him that he’ll be successful at any school. By successful, I mean happy and growing in skills. After 4 years, he can take another step. No school has a golden ticket. It is up to him in the end. So does he want to continue to “hold on” or is he ready to let go and move on to the other school?
I don’t know if my counsel is wise, but I do have an anecdote for you. A kid a couple years older than mine is a very talented MT performer. Auditioned for all the big programs. Admitted to a few and he selected one and was thrilled to enroll. A top target school. It was well after May 1 when he was informed by a “capital-R-level” reach school he was now off the waitlist and they would be happy if he were to attend, with an associated scholarship. It was incredibly late in the game- I guess it was literally overtime- before he was even accepted. The moral of my story is there are still kids who are going to sit on their respective eggs all the way until Friday at midnight, while others will be leaving “Program A” for “Program B”, and there will still be slots to fill for top schools with little desire to have underperforming enrollment retention, and will likely throw money at solving that problem.
Sometimes winning is just being the last person to quit. Enroll in his second choice. Your description even makes it sound like “1-A”. Keep your slot in the accepted pile at his first choice up to the point they take it away from him. Take another shot at an appeal. Fight until the bell. You never know.
There are a lot of students who would probably trade places with a kid who set sail with a list of schools he wanted and landed at the second highest on his list.
This is only my opinion. Take it for what its worth…which isn’t much!
I needed this today. Waitlist school just offered a spot with a lot of $ for their first offer. School is typically generous so he appealed. He’s matter-of-fact, not emotional and I’m grateful for that. Faculty is top notch, probably best of his list. We didn’t have a great visit there though outside of the audition/faculty- rainy day, we were tired, it was a two-audition weekend and we didn’t put the same energy into it as other places…We said he’d have to go back if he got in. So now we are maybe planning a trip for…FRIDAY.
I’m exhausted and this is supposed to be FUN right??!!
Thank you, everyone. I think it comes down to what size fish a kid wants to be relative to what size pond. Going where you are wanted the most may not lead to the same opportunities in the end. There are definite tradeoffs. I appreciate all of your good thoughts.
not brass, but since my clarinet kid also ended up needing three different clarinets….we bought him his professional Bb clarinet I think in 11th grade, when his clarinet teacher was selling his because he’d moved to a different brand. He had started bass clarinet midway through 10th grade…we rented for awhile then bought him a used student Yamaha on eBay when it became clear it was going to stick (he was homeschooled, so no school instruments available to borrow). He did really well with that one, given its limitations (the text from his teacher telling him he’d gotten first chair all-state senior year ended with, “and on a plastic Yamaha!” ). There was no way we could have bought him a long-term bass clarinet ourselves; fortunately that’s one that schools usually don’t expect you to own, so he used Blair’s and saved money until senior year, when he just bought his own (a relatively inexpensive for a bass clarinet one from some hip newer brand). But he was also expected to have an A clarinet, so we and he went in on one midway through his freshman year (another relatively inexpensive used one, but good quality). He does some flute and saxophone (in pit orchestras, too) and has very inexpensive loaners and hand me downs on those for now. Buying a decent used flute is on his list, but I think he’s waiting to see if he has time to put into it in grad school first. Anyway, that’s what he/we did, and it seems to have worked well…he’s never played the same brand of clarinet as his primary teachers and they’ve never suggested he should. Although I’ll say that my horn kid (music major but not a performance major) waited until sophomore year of college to upgrade his horn (he was playing a decent intermediate horn, also bought used), and his teacher DID want to give a lot of input on his decision. I’m not sure if that was actually helpful or if it just added to his decision fatigue, though . Anyway, she approved of what he got, so it all worked out.
I mentioned in past my husband is same instrument as your son; back in the 90’s (ha! Different game then.) he went to our state school as a freshman; they gave tons of $ and showed all the love. He was by far the biggest fish in the pond and of course got all the solos etc but by the end of freshman year he realized that it’s not just the teacher, it’s the peers too. No one to measure against or strive to be as strong. He constantly says, “water seeks its level”, he applied to transfer to a traditionally strong program (at a much higher cost) and that program only accepted 1/2 of his transfer credits so he actually lost a year. His family learned a lesson and his younger sibling went directly to a traditionally strong music program as a freshman. Of course every family has lots to weigh in these decisions but my husband would be the first to advise against going where you are already one of the strongest players as a freshman. Also for everyone reading, he applied to Juilliard for both undergrad and masters and both times was rejected; but he worked hard and kept getting lessons from the big name players in his instrument and taking auditions moving up through levels of orchestras, cut to ten years post college and he won the principal spot in a big 5 where he has been since… and Juilliard had him teach a masterclass last year. Not every big name school is the right fit for each kid but challenging themselves can only make them better.
Thank you for this. “Water seeks its level” seems to be how my son is thinking about this. He’s going to give it his all, and he wants to train with the best.
You have all been so kind today. Also holding space and good energy for @RangerDanger9 and anyone else making last minute appeals!
Vandy: originally applied to work with a particular professor, and then learned professor is retiring. Had a lesson with a new professor to the school. She felt a good connection with this professor. Good financial aid package, but no sustainable merit.
Eastman: Still trying to appeal merit. Much more expensive than Vandy. Did receive more than 50% off total cost of attendance in merit after 1st appeal. We could afford to pay this, but is it worth it over Vandy? Daughter wants to be highly challenged, so feels Eastman will give her this challenge! Does Vandy have the same quality level of students as Eastman? I don’t know that answer! She had a lesson yesterday with her prospective professor and loved it!
Jacobs: We just appealed for the second time. First appeal gave 4K. But still very expensive. Still will cost mid 40K!. My DD was in contact with a professor, had 2 lessons with the professor who was eager to have DD in studio. Then things went silent. Never heard whether she would be in the professor’s studio, so I kept telling her to find out. Finally my DD contacted the professor and found out she was not placed in that studio. Word on the street is Jacobs has been “encouraging” older professors to retire. Now they have newer professors coming on board. DD reached out to one of the new professors and will be having a lesson on Wednesday!! Wow. Down to the wire.
My DD is asking me to help her decide. If the Jacobs professor turns out to be great (I researched this professor and seems to be very high quality), she is not sure how to decide.
How about the other students in the studios? how does your daughter feel about them? when a studio is inviting collaborating supportive, that says a lot about the professor beyond the lessons.
Just a quick comment from a parent whose family member is in administration at a conservatory/college. Comments about schools “showing love” or “not showing love” concern me. There are so many factors in what schools can offer, before or after appeal, and I would think “love” of the student certainly may be far down the list. I would not necessarily equate money offered with evaluation of talent and potential.
Good she is having a lesson. They seem like 3 very different places. IU is very large 48,000 in Bloomington? Good Luck to your daughter! What does “no sustainable merit” mean in regards to Vanderbilt?
Sustainable merit means an amount of money given each year as long as the student maintains a certain grade point average. As long as the student is successfully maintaing grades, then the merit will continue every year. It is not based on income needs.
What is your source on this? It’s the first I’m hearing of it, and if true certainly clouds our thinking at the 11th hour. Daughter’s studio teacher was ultimately the driving factor in her decision, and that faculty member is (ahem) a “similar vintage” to me. I’d hate to think they would opt for retirement while my daughter was in the middle of her education.
Which raises an interesting discussion. Would it be in poor taste to just come out and ask them, “What is your thinking on retirement in the next four years?”
). There was no way we could have bought him a long-term bass clarinet ourselves; fortunately that’s one that schools usually don’t expect you to own, so he used Blair’s and saved money until senior year, when he just bought his own (a relatively inexpensive for a bass clarinet one from some hip newer brand). But he was also expected to have an A clarinet, so we and he went in on one midway through his freshman year (another relatively inexpensive used one, but good quality). He does some flute and saxophone (in pit orchestras, too) and has very inexpensive loaners and hand me downs on those for now. Buying a decent used flute is on his list, but I think he’s waiting to see if he has time to put into it in grad school first. Anyway, that’s what he/we did, and it seems to have worked well…he’s never played the same brand of clarinet as his primary teachers and they’ve never suggested he should. Although I’ll say that my horn kid (music major but not a performance major) waited until sophomore year of college to upgrade his horn (he was playing a decent intermediate horn, also bought used), and his teacher DID want to give a lot of input on his decision. I’m not sure if that was actually helpful or if it just added to his decision fatigue, though