CNN: Why I'm raising my son to be a nerd

Parents Forum
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<p>You don’t need to be socially awkward to be smart and do well in school. I don’t see the reason to raising a nerd. That term should not be used. It is good to promote both intellectual and athletic success. But social success is important as well. You could easily read books and have a healthy social life. Nerds do not. So lets not raise nerds exactly. The author is a good man.</p>

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<p>“I you click on link “methodology and terminology” it will show the source is U.S. Census Bureau and give detailed info.”</p>

<p>Trying, but struggling with it. This is good stuff.</p>

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<p>Gross generalization, and silly one at that. Firstly people do not choose to be socially awkard. And one can have a healthy social life without being the most popular, most socially smooth, or having the most friends. You might associate being a nerd with being socially awkard but really it boils down to being intellectual and having intellectual interests. I know a ton of nerd kids who are very happy and have a great group of likeminded friends and healthy social life. </p>

<p>Finally I will add that while surely having high emotional IQ is important, being socially fluent isn’t all that. And what makes you popular in highschool may have little bearing your ability to be well liked and respected as a working adult. Most of us would rather be around genuine, kind persons with good character than a smooth talker who can charm the room.</p>

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<p>I recognize all this [what coolweather says in post 60]–but the article we’re talking about is, I think, about something specific: support of academic achievement by fathers. For cultural, economic, and historical reasons, this message is, I think, especially important for African-American fathers. It’s a good message for everybody else, too, of course.</p>

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<p>Our son has attended three different summer programs for exceptionally gifted students. At all three, the students themselves proudly called their experience “nerd camp.” It was a badge of honor for them. </p>

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<p>Exactly!</p>

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<p>@Starbright the definition of a nerd is

I am not associating anything. When someone is called a nerd, they are not being called intelligent. They are being called intelligent and socially awkward. You can’t debate the definition of a word. As you “know a ton of nerd kids who are very happy and have a great group of like-minded friends and healthy social life,” I know many who are miserable in a group of about 4 kids, none ever having a relationship with the opposite sex. It may be fine as a teenager, but after sophomore year in HS it becomes a problem. The definition of a nerd almost inherits an unhealthy social life.

Anyone who knows basic psychology realizes that an unhealthy social life is problematic, including being ill received by others. What I am saying is, being smart doesn’t mean you are a nerd. I am sure the author of this article would agree. Maybe it was just the wrong choice of words.</p>

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<p>Dwalker – so you think that if you don’t have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex by the time you’re a sophomore (!) in high school - this is a problem ? or if you only have a small group of friends, then that’s a problem, too? Wow.</p>

<p>I’ve found that most of my daughter’s girlfriends didn’t have a relationship in high school because they were either too shy or their idea of a “relationship” was quite different from the boys’. And unfortunately, it doesn’t get much better in college. Boys are remaining boys much too long nowadays – especially the very social and popular “non-nerd” ones who are just looking for a good time. As a result, many girls in high school and even college who are looking for more than a good time (i.e., partying, casual sex) remain single. And many of these girls eventually realize that, with time, the young men that you deem problematic because of their innate shyness and/or poor social skills, grow into considerate and attractive romantic prospects - while the social animals sometimes never do.</p>

<p>So, let’s not write off someone’s social and romantic life at the ripe old age of 15. Maybe you were confident and smooth with the opposite sex at that age, but the great majority of kids are not.</p>

<p>And as far as the quantity of friends is concerned, I’d rather have four close, wonderful friends than hundreds of random acquaintances. </p>

<p>Also, the definition of nerd does seem to vary. In my kids’ high school, it was a name the smart kids (some popular, others less so) applied to themselves with pride.</p>

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<p>Many smart, nice, talented, social and happy kids call themselves Nerd in our neck of the woods. Nerd camp is a popular term for the Duke Tip summer session and other academic type camps. Some of the kids have a boyfriend/girlfriend, some don’t.</p>

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<p>@horsfeather…I did not say that, in fact I said

Now, the difference is that I am not assuming its a problem. This is what they say not me. I am not saying there lives are miserable, they are. Since sophomore year in HS is when another explosion of emotions occurs for the opposite sex, would you not see this problematic if you couldn’t do anything about it (can’t get a girl friend)? They do. Whether you don’t doesn’t matter. They lose confidence, most they never had in the first place. I am not sure why you think someone who is shy will become more attractive and romantic than someone who is not, those characteristics do not correlate.</p>

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<p>Words change (see: gay). With societal changes, many successful individuals from prominent fields such as business and entertainment have begun to be called and even to call themselves nerds, without a sense of disfavor. In turn, many students in many communities have adopted the term, with humor and even pride, to describe themselves. The word, in practice, is losing much of the sense of social ineptitude.</p>

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<p>Dwalker, no, what I’m saying is that you can’t pigeonhole people at such a young age. I don’t know how old you are, but I left high school decades ago and I’ve met up with many people from my high school over the years. It turned out that in most cases there was very little resemblance between the kids these people were in high school and the adults they turned out to be. People change. They mature and grow in confidence, and that can translate into increased attractiveness to the opposite sex later in life. </p>

<p>And yes, I’m sure that many kids are sad if they don’t have girlfriends/boyfriends, etc. But some sort of angst and social stress have been part of the growing up process since the beginning of time. And guess what? - there’ll be personal problems for everyone later in life too, for the nerds and the cheerleaders/jocks/class presidents alike. But they’ll survive, just as I did and most other parents did, and they will probably end up just fine.</p>

<p>I fully understand that high school is not a happy time for many people. That’s why it’s a wonderful thing that it only lasts four years and people can go on to realize their full potential. </p>

<p>God help us if we all remained the same person we were in high school.</p>

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<p>^You don’t have to be the same person, for the most important years of your life to effect you. Decades ago, is not the same as today. Times change. Besides that. Maybe people are misunderstanding what I am saying. My point is being a nerd means by definition a poor social life. I am saying that whether a kid is smart or not, a poor social life should not be promoted. Social stimulation is key. I bet all the kids you know that were nerds in the sense I am using, that grew out of it, did so because they had social stimulation. I am not sure why intelligence is so often drawn to being a nerd. “I want to raise a nerd.” That is ridiculous to say. Why would you? Is there benefit to being a nerd vs. being intelligent? No and thats my point. No one seems to understand that, and even though some of you disagree, you haven’t once explained this. Raising a child to read and do math does not = nerd. A smart child does not = nerd. A smart child with limited exposure to the outside world will most likely result in problems. Everyone I know that is a nerd, were not raised that way. Thats just how they developed. And somehow you guys are saying that it is good to raise someone that way. That would be similar to raising a child to not explore science for whatever reason (e.g. religion), and defend it by saying, “well not everyone needs to know science, most don’t even go into that field. People I know that did not learn it turned out to be great individuals and…” That makes no sense. Why make a child be someone they’re not? The author of the article maybe did not mean this, but he may have. He may not allow his son to be around friends and such. I don’t think thats the case, but I am saying that should not be the case.</p>