@twoinanddone I’m so sorry to hear of your Ds struggles. What a start she had. Loving each one best doesn’t always mean giving them all the same. We meet them where they are, give them what they need (clearly I am failing in this with firstborn). Hopefully, your second does not feel second place.
Our second born just stepped out of college mid way through a mechanical engineering degree. Fortunately, our third is at a top school, making deans list AND working 3 jobs (working entirely by choice). He will get through in a short 4 years. He is enjoying the independence that comes with earning his own money and told me he would consider dropping out to just work but promises he won’t do that to me! Our youngest is about to accept an offer of admission from Harvard. Its 'as though the younger ones have learned from watching her struggles. We also laugh that perhaps they have been more self sufficient because they have been neglected in favor of her. There doesn’t seem to be resentment; quite the contrary and I am so grateful for that.