<p>If I had a post-college kid living with us, and wanted to boost self-esteem and
treat him as another adult, yet not charge rent…I’d be asking a whale of a lot more than just “helping with dinner”, grocery runs and so on. </p>
<p>I’d re-envision him as if he were your age-mate cousin. With 3 capable adults living in a household, actual chores can be divided up into thirds. Rather than “help with dinner” perhaps he should know that Tues and Fri are his nights to shop, cook, serve dinner for you and H. He might do better with a real schedule of adult chores, not helper chores at parental request as when he was in h.s. </p>
<p>If you do his laundry, your future daughter-in-law will never forgive you </p>
<p>I know you’re thinking about this, and of course you don’t want him to regress. I’d really watch out not regress yourself to “doing” for him, if you did so when he was in h.s. </p>
<p>Pardon me if that sounded overbearing, I didn’t mean to be.</p>
<p>The suite sounds very nice, BTW, especially with a separate entrance!</p>
<p>Well…I HOPE my kids do not come back here to roost. I love them both, but I doubt seriously that this is what they want to do. However, if they do, we will do what my dad did. We will charge them a nominal charge for utilities, and use of the house. We will bank every cent of it, and give it to them when they move out. My dad did this with me (the oldest of four) and made me promise not to tell my younger sibs…and I didn’t. It was a wonderful, small nest egg for me and a very nice surprise that I did not expect. I just thought he was making me responsible.</p>
<p>To charge or not to charge…that is the question. I think it depends on the child. If the child is conscientious and motivated, and it’s offered only as a temporary means to allow them to get on their own feet, save for a down payment on a house, etc., then there is no need to charge.</p>
<p>If the child might take advantage of the situation (my younger brother lived at home until he was 30), and will not save on their own but will use their earnings for self-indulgence, partying, entertainment, etc., then I would charge. Doesn’t have to be market rate, but enough to encourage responsible behavior.</p>
<p>In the latter case, I’m not sure about secretly saving the rent for their future. That’s a nice gesture, but completely optional and not necessary. On the other hand, if you tell them what you’re doing, they may just see that as another reason not to save for themselves.</p>
<p>If this excellent job comes, through, will it pay enough for him to afford his own apartment? If so, but he still chooses to live at home, I might be inclined to charge him closer to market rate. I would do this only because it would show him how to budget in order to get his own place. I have an acquaintance whose son has a great job with an investment firm. He could easily afford a place but, instead chooses to drive a BMW, take very nice trips and live at home - rent free. Now the mother says he can’t afford to move out because of his monthly expenses. Not saying your son would do this but it is tempting for a kid to pend what they would pend on rent on other things and not save it.</p>
<p>My parents told me that when I graduate, I can move back home and that they’ll charge me like $200-300 rent a month, and they’ll put the rent money into a bank account that they’ll give to me when I move out. Doesn’t sound like a bad deal.</p>
<p>Cartera: No, even this excellent job won’t pay him investment-bank-type income. It’s a research job at a university close by that will pay him about one fourth what an IB-er would earn. It’s an excellent job in that it will make him look good to the grad schools when he applies in another year and a half.</p>
<p>His parents told him to pursue what interests him, not what will make him rich. And this time, he listened! Sigh. :(</p>
<p>If you decide not to charge him rent so that he can save his money, please let him know that this is your expectation. The worst scenario is that he doesn’t save, but spends all his discretionary income, and you and/or your H become disappointed and angry at him. Then the unexpressed expectations could explode and ruin the familial relationship. And that’s the last thing you want to happen. (I’ve seen it happen too many times to become complacent about it.)</p>
<p>If you’re not charging him, you might want to set up an escrow type account in which he deposits a “rent-equivalent” amount, so that all your expectations are accounted for. He has to budget on income minus “rent” and you are helping him save and won’t feel like he’s taking advantage.</p>
<p>We were talking about this last week and my husband was joking that ZG would never have to pay rent, that I’d pay HER because I’m so desperate for her to come back home!</p>
<p>Yayverily said:
“If the child might take advantage of the situation (my younger brother lived at home until he was 30)”</p>
<p>My younger brother did that too, actually even longer, so it makes me very sensitive to this. He wasn’t a partier and didn’t spend money, but my parents didn’t charge rent and even downsized into a small townhouse–very crowded, still didn’t leave until after my dad died. The rest of us (3, all older) felt like my parents never had time alone again. He STILL does his laundry at my mom’s and he’s 43 (never married)!!</p>
<p>My s has been out of school since '06. Had a job in 6 weeks, got an apartment, gave it up last October. Reason? He’s a ship’s officer, goes to sea 75-90 days at a time and was never there, wasting rent. Travels a lot during his 75 days off. So he essentially moved home, although he’s only there about 4 months a year in sporadic bursts. We charge him $100/week when he’s there, plus assisting in household chores like a member of the family. Only other stipulations are that I want to know when he won’t be there overnight and if he’s going to be home for dinner. I also would not let him have a girl there overnight, although that hasn’t yet been an issue. </p>
<p>We haven’t discussed how long he can do this, since it’s only been a short time. But our utility and food bills go up significantly when he’s there, and since he is very well paid we felt he had to contribute. And I still think he’s getting a deal! My husband feels very strongly that a child should contribute if they finish school and want to live home. My d, on the other hand, is a junior in college and may come home for graduate school. I think we’ll let her live with us free as long as she’s in school full-time.</p>
<p>I know too many kids living off their parents that feel a sense of entitilement. We work too hard, put them through school, now we’d like a little help! But I think overall it depends on the individual situation. My s can easily afford it, some kids it’s a little hard for at first.</p>
<p>KPmom, I agree with you wholeheartedly – I would most definitely charge my kids both room and board if they moved back in after college, AND I would expect them to help with the chores, too. I would make exceptions for short-term stays during transitional periods, or if my kid was out of work in spite of good efforts to find a job.</p>
<p>I believe that charging them something teaches them to be self-sufficient, contributing members of society. I love them dearly (all three of them!) but I did not raise them to grow up, get an education, and move back in with me. And, like KPMom’s son, my electric, water, and food bills (not to mention gas!) go through the roof when my college son comes home.</p>
<p>At some point in his life, my DH would like the freedom to run across the house naked if he wants to without worrying about traumatizing our adult kids. (anyone see the “naked room” in “Failure to Launch?” That would be my DH’s fondest dream.)</p>
<p>I know too many back-at-home kids who are “saving” about $20 a week. I’ve told my kids that if they come home, they are welcome, but they’ll have to be doing massive savings (like every-other-paycheck!)</p>
<p>Our oldest came home after college while he job hunted and then started his new career. Honestly, I never even considered charging him rent (he was just using his old bedroom). I did, though, expect him to let me know when he was going to be out later than usual—just like I would expect any person in the family to be considerate of others and let them know their plans. He also helped out with chores, home and yard maintenance jobs, etc.</p>
<p>He stayed with us for 8 months, saved money and then moved out to buy his own house. Worked out great for us and for him.</p>
<p>Why? If I charge him, say, $300 a month, that’s only $300 a month. If he gets his own apartment, or shares with a friend, that’s probably more like $700 a month. And he’d have to pay electricity, etc.</p>
</p>
(anyone see the “naked room” in “Failure to Launch?” That would be my DH’s fondest dream.)</p>