<p>In my family we a 100% divorce rate for people who went straight from their parents’ home to a home with their spouse. Those of us who lived independently before walking down the aisle remain happily married. </p>
<p>In talking to my divorced parents, cousins, and uncles, I’ve heard a common theme. They explain it this way: Marriage felt like a trap. First it was life as someone’s child, then life as someone’s spouse. No self identity and no chance for sowing wild oats. The “I need to find myself” complaint was always one of the reasons for divorce. But not the only reason. These people were 18 - 27 when married.</p>
<p>My idea of a young marriage is one that occurs before graduating from college! Amazing how times have changed so that young marriage is one that occurs after college graduation. </p>
<p>So what is the age limit for young marriage? Before 28? 30? 26?</p>
<p>I think of young marriages as being before age 26.</p>
<p>Yes, things have changed a great deal particularly now that so many people are going through college and grad school, both of which cause major changes in one’s perspective and interests.</p>
<p>Longer life expectancy, the ability to have kids into the 40s and the potential for great health into later years means that there is more time to do more things.</p>
<p>Of course, one problem with getting married after age 26 is that it’s harder to meet marriagable men after college graduation. Nothing like a campus with thousands of them walking around…</p>
<p>My husband and I met his freshman year/my sophomore year in college, and we married after my first year of grad school and his senior year of college. He was 22 and I was 23.</p>
<p>We’ve been married a little less than two years now, so I can’t point to a long history as evidence that we’ll be together in the long run (although we celebrated our half-decade dating anniversary a few months ago :)). We are, however, very happy, and I wouldn’t have done anything differently.</p>
<p>Of course, we have very similar views on major life issues – careers, kids, money. We discussed these views extensively before we got engaged. We also had lived together for about two years at the time we got engaged, so marriage didn’t really change anything about our relationship other than my last name. I’m still in grad school, so we’re not planning to start having kids for several more years.</p>
<p>Marriage isn’t the best choice for every couple coming out of college. But it’s certainly possible to be ready for that step at age 22.</p>
<p>So, I do not want to steal the thread but this topic is rare and I have been thinking about something for awhile.</p>
<p>Many of you have said you met your spouse (soul mate) in hs or college. You have been happily married for many years. </p>
<p>So my question is , do you believe in God? If you say no, how is it it that in this large earth with billions of people, you met your soul mate at your hs or college? Obviously there are more soul mates in the world.</p>
<p>If you say yes, I guess I would be more accepting of marriages of hs school couples.</p>
<p>I don’t believe in God, and I don’t believe in soul mates, either.</p>
<p>I’m perfectly comfortable with the possibility that there could be some other person out there who’s better for me than my spouse, because I’m not looking for the mathematically optimal marriage – I’m happy in my sometimes imperfect one.</p>
<p>Getting married isn’t about sorting through all of the potential partners on the planet to find the one who’s perfect. It’s about finding somebody who’s wonderful and making it work.</p>
<p>Exactly right. Good luck to anyone looking for that perfection thing. I mean, you wouldn’t believe my husband’s taste in movies. I’ve spent more than 3 decades trying to educate him on this issue, and he still tries to rent Rambo movies.</p>
<p>Fortunately, I am big enough to overlook that.</p>
<p>My sister met her soon-to-be-ex-husband at their freshman year college registration as they stood together in line. They separated last December after forty years together. It’s very sad, and I also notice what a rough time my sister is having because she’s NEVER lived alone.</p>
<p>“Of course, one problem with getting married after age 26 is that it’s harder to meet marriagable men after college graduation. Nothing like a campus with thousands of them walking around…”</p>
<p>That’s true, but I’d prefer being permanently single than getting married to someone whom I met in college, and then having a bad marriage.</p>
<p>From what I’ve read, middle aged and older women who’ve never been married tend to be very happy. That’s also what I’ve seen in my friends who fit this description.</p>
<p>“So my question is , do you believe in God? If you say no, how is it it that in this large earth with billions of people, you met your soul mate at your hs or college? Obviously there are more soul mates in the world.”</p>
<p>It just so happens that a whole host of random events put me in the position where I met my now-dh. If my father hadn’t taken a new job, my family wouldn’t have moved to a certain city. If they’d put me in private high school instead of public high school, I wouldn’t have met the boy who first got me interested in thinking about the college I ultimately went to. If I had chosen one of the other schools I got into, I wouldn’t have met my husband. If I’d joined a different sorority, I wouldn’t have known the girl who introduced the two of us when she and I were studying in her room. If I’d decided to go to the library that night instead and study with a different girlfriend, I’d never have met dh. Etc, etc, etc. It’s all quite random, IMO. </p>
<p>Who’s to say I couldn’t have been as happy or in love or had an equally nice life if one of those things changed and I wound up with a different person? I think it’s quite possible there are many, many people in the world and many, many situations I could have been quite happy with. I don’t believe in soulmates. Heck, for all I know, maybe my true soulmate is 20 years older (or younger, LOL) and lives in France and speaks only French and I’ll never meet him.</p>
<p>Like so many on this thread - met and married early. He was 18 and drove a hot car, I was 16 and had some atribute I never quite figured out…
Married when I was 20, he was 22 and a grad student. Bumbled our way through financing grad school … Got embarased at awards ceremonies because we always thought the faculty sent money our way because we needed it…
Do I believe in god? Yes. Do I believe that god was selecting my perfect partner?? No. I believe in god but know that there were numerous other lives had H and I not married… most of them that I can imagine are far worse than what has come about.</p>
<p>Both of my parents married young. My dad married right out of high school (they were both 18) and my mom married at 20. My dad had a daughter at 19 and then he and his first wife divorced before he was 25. My mom’s first marriage lasted until she was 31. My parents then married a few months later and have been married for 18 years. </p>
<p>My sister was married at the age of 17, but widowed at 19. I can’t say how their marriage would have turned out if my brother in law had still be with us, but I can say that they had been together since they were 12ish so it wasn’t a whirlwind thing. I guess it’s one of the “what-ifs” in life. They had grown up together and I think that it would have lasted because they had a bond that went beyond just marriage, it was more like they were two people living one life. It’s hard to explain.</p>
<p>pizzagirl, I agree with you and had a similar experience with a host of random events, starting when I was 13, and largely due to something my father did. One of his favorite sayings when I was growing up and the subject of marriage/love came up was, love is often a matter of geography. </p>
<p>I think what this thread illustrates is that there is no perfect choice, no optimal answer to what is the best age to get married. Most of us, obviously, would not want our teenagers getting married but I think that once they’re finished college and in their 20’s, a marriage has as much chance of being successful as at any subsequent age. I hope that all of my Ds go into marriage after much thought, time, with commitment, and having lived with their future husband, as I did.</p>
<p>Then there is Still hope for 24 yo son, engineer, working, PNW academic community, virtually debt free?? Parents aren’t too bad and <em>pretty much</em>, mind-their-own-business .</p>
<p>A rising senior girl or grad student should be sharpening her wiles.</p>
<p>I was engaged to a guy I met Freshman year in college but then, after college, I started working in NYC and having a blast with all sorts of new and interesting people. Broke off the engagement (not easy at all!), dated many different men for about 5 or 6 years, started dating my husband around 28, lived together for about 5 years until I was about 34 when we realized we wanted to get married to have kids. My daughter was born 10 months after we married, 10 days after I turned 35. We’re married 18 years now and doing just fine thank you very much!</p>
<p>Would my first engagement have lasted? Who knows, but I would never give up those years in the city when I was free to discover who I was and what I wanted. Knowing that I had the ability to live on my own, to support myself, etc. made me a stronger and better person, spouse, and parent I think.</p>
One of his favorite sayings when I was growing up and the subject of marriage/love came up was, love is often a matter of geography. </p>