<p>DS went to the ortho surgeon today. Got the staples out of his sutures but has a long recovery ahead of him. He is just beginning to face the enormity of what he has to do and it overwhelmed him today. The one big volunteer project that he has been so deeply involved in includes another trip to South America in May that he now will not be able to attend, and he is devastated. I feel really bad because I broke the news of this to him today (his ortho called me to fill me in) and I feel really bad. In retrospect, I should have waited to tell him, but I was afraid he was pushing himself too hard and pushing for a goal that was not manageable, so it was better to let him know early rather than later. I was wrong. Ouch. I feel I am responsible for his upset tonight.</p>
<p>He is also not one to ask others for help, so he finds this difficult, and worries that his roommates/suitemates will tire of helping him so much. </p>
<p>It is hard being so far away and hearing him upset. His reaction is understandable and normal, but it is hard, as a parent, to feel limited in what I can do from here (an no, he doesn’t want me to come out there). This is no fun. Oh, and the dog we were going to adopt looks like he is going to stay with his previous family… Maybe right now, with everything (there are issues going on with my dad up north as well), thats not a bad thing…</p>
<p>Ah, sorry to hear that your son is so upset jym, but I don’t know how long you could have waited to break that sort of news. It sounds like you may have done the best thing, really. Hang in there.</p>
<p>jym, I’m on my way to work so can’t post much right now, but just wanted to let you know that I believe your son is going through very normal post-tramatic feelings. I’m sure your telling him about the May trip now was just magnified by his state of mind. Hopefullly with time it will smooth over.</p>
<p>Got to go. I’ll write more later. Thinking of you.</p>
<p>Thanks, mstee, peariceparent and momonthehill. Iis hard to watc him struggle. he is such a goo kid, and usually so fiercely self-sufficient. I am on the web looking for convenient aids to help him get out of bed or off the can. Anyone have any good resources?</p>
Awwwwww, {{{{{{{{jym}}}}}}}}, PLEASE do NOT beat yourself up or feeling guilty for anything. The fact is, your son is very understandably having a super difficult time right now. He would be upset about the South American trip no matter when you decided to tell him about it–it is something he very much wanted to do, and no matter WHEN he realized that this very unfortunate injury had cost him that trip, he’d be upset. My heart truly goes out to him because I vividly remember what life was like for me when I shattered my wrist nealy four years ago, and it was a VERY difficult time for me. I remember thinking that it seemed like I’d never be rid of the pain or that the whole ordeal would be over.</p>
<p>I am hoping that you can solicit some good suggestions that will make your S’s lilfe easier from experienced folks here. It is HARD to feel that dependent when you are an independent kiddo by nature.</p>
<p>There are some aids to help in the BR. There is a plastic “lift” that sits on the toilet that makes getting on and off easier. My H used this after his knee replacement at the ripe old age of 50. There is also a portable “bar” apparatus that looks like a walker that you can place around/over the toilet and use it to grip as you raise or lower yourself. Goggle to get some ideas. For pain/soreness in general, after PT or at the end of a long day, he had this cooler thing that you put ice in and it connected to a wrap that wrapped around his knee and circulated ice water. It was way easier than “icing” it with ice the old fashion way. Pricely but worked great, and very convenient. I have seen units on Ebay, and still have it in the attic somewhere. Now sure if it would be useful for this injury. Would probably need a different “wrap” section for the thigh and not the knee. You could call and ask the Ortho.</p>
<p>You may want to contact your health insurer. They often have nurses who are very familiar with medical equipment, and they may be able to get it for you cheaper (or at least point you in the right direction). If it’s considered durable medical equipment, they may even pay for it. You don’t want to miss a valuable benefit!</p>
<p>Also, contact his physical therapist. He or she should also be able to tell you exactly what he needs, and can point you in the right direction to get it.</p>
<p>sunnyflorida-
Funny that you should mention these. I <em>just</em> finished ordering some bars/handrails that go over the toilet and also one for the fouton he is currently sleeping on. I looked at the plastic raised toilet thing, but with the # of suitemates sharing the toilet, I thought the plastic “raised throne” would be more inconvenient, as they would have to move it, and if they did and he needed it, he might not be able to get it on the can. I figure the handrails would be less of a problem (thought my DH just called and when I told him what I ordered, he said he doubted the toilet rails thing would fit in their bathroom ). I also picked a bedrail that looks like it doesnt require any assembly, but the photo they show of it includes a little old lady using it :D. Hope he has a sense of humor! If these things work, they should help reduce a little bit of the dependency he feels on others. He still needs help with the stairs, as he has his crutches and can put no weight on the leg at all for the time being, so he tries to go up and down the stairs only once a day. The other issue is that he might also have knee ligament damage-- the ortho said he wont know that for a few weeks, when the acuity of the leg injury abates a bit.</p>
<p>Berurah-
thanks for the kind words. As for breaking the bad news about the Nicaragua trip, I should probably have let him have something to strive for for a little while longer, until he was a little farther along in his recovery. Bursting his bubble last night when he is already feeling so dejected was, in retrospect, bad timing. There was no reason to tell him just yet, and I wish I could take it back, but it is done, and there is nothing else I can do. I doubt it was a total surprise, as he realized even when he ws in the hospital that he’d still be on crutches when he would be scheduled to leave, but he was hopeful he could still pull it off. However, as remote as the area is that they go to, I am not all that disapointed that we don’t have to face that decision right now. He’ll probably push for it again down the road, as he heals, so we’ll just see. It has occurred to me that we’ll have to fly down to help him pack up his dorm room when he moves to wherever he’ll be living this summer (when he is on internship)-- again all things to deal with in the future… Lots to coordinate.</p>
<p>Gosh, jym, you certainly have had a trying month. I’m so sorry your son is facing all of these challenges. It sounds like you’re getting his needs under control, but if you have questions about medical equipment, and don’t want to go through the doctor’s office, a good resource may be a locally owned pharmacy that carries medical supplies. Where I live, we have two local independent pharmacies that are more like mini hospital suppliers, and their staff is very knowledgeable. I truly hope your son mends quickly and is able to soon put this behind him. It really is remarkable that he’s been able to continue with his classes under these conditions. He must have a very strong will.</p>
<p>Thanks Chedva, sjmom and Coronax. As he is right across the street from the major medical centers in Houston, I think there are a lot of places there to get “stuff”, if he can get people to help him transport it (and again, he doesn’t want to impose). Hopefully these gizmos that I ordered will be a good start. There isn’t exactly a lot of room in his dorm room for a lot of stuff. He is still adamently opposed to moving to a different room (across campus) that is handicapped accessible, so for nowis choosing to deal wit the stairs and the limited access to his room during the day…</p>
<p>Going up and down stairs on crutches can be nightmarish; when I broke my legs, I also couldn’t put any weight on the worse one for several months. I ended up sleeping on a bed in the DR (in place of the table!). When I needed to go up and down stairs, because the other leg was shaky, I actually sat on my duff and pushed myself up and down the stairs with the “good” leg. Eventually as that leg healed, and I built up the arm muscles, it got easier to do it the right way, but it’s never really easy.</p>
<p>If the handicapped-accessible room comes with a handicapped-accessible bathroom (the kind where the toilet has a higher seat and a grab bar on one side), it might be worth the trouble of moving.</p>
<p>It’s easier to get off higher things than lower things. Why is your son using a futon to sleep on? A regular bed might work better. A regular bed with a very sturdy piece of furniture (a desk or dresser) shoved next to it that he can sort of grab on to would work even better. </p>
<p>I broke my leg in mid-December, and I STILL can’t climb stairs normally even though I can walk without crutches now. Like Garland, at first I could only do stairs sitting down (and even this was of limited value since I couldn’t get into a standing position at the top). Because our house’s only shower is on the second floor and the stairs were so difficult, I didn’t take a shower for NINE WEEKS.</p>
<p>I guess what I was thinking was to ask the physical therapist not so much where to get the “stuff” but what “stuff” would be best to get and what would be most helpful for him. Since the medical center is across from the school, the folks there could be familiar with the size & configurations of dorm rooms. Or if he’s having a visiting nurse/PT come to his room, which sometimes happens, that person could take a look at what space is available, and make recommendations of what could fit and give your son the most help in the least space. (Sometimes a PT may agree just to take a walk over and look at the space.)</p>
<p>Good luck to you both, and here’s hoping for a speedy recovery! I can’t imagine how hard it is for you being so far away. The “caretaker Mom” sure kicks in, doesn’t it?</p>
<p>All great ideas, everyone. We are just getting him hooked up with PT (he got mixed signals about when/how to set that up, so will have to follow up on that). HE can get over to the DR and PT on his handy-dandy scooter, so he feel sgood about that. Once he starts thaaathe PT, I can suggest he ask if the PT will make a visit to the room. In the meantime, I ordered a few things that might/might not help. They werent expensive (under $100) but I thought it might let him see that there are things he can get to help him feel more independent. I haven’t ordered the crutch pads yet. He had a cut-up airline fleece blanket (thank you Delta airlines for your donation:) ) wrapped around the crutch pads, but they got soaked in the rain yesterday. I may order these “crutch cozies” or these gel- like crutch pads for him, but want to slow down before I go too overboard.</p>
<p>He is sleeping on the fouton because that is waht is inthe suite living room. Hey-- I choose my battles… I’d like him to have something with better support, but he is trying this for now. They were foing to try to unloft his bed- not sure what happened with that.</p>
<p>Omigosh, how I can identify. The first few weeks I washed up sitting at the kitchen sink, using a hose attachment, before anyone else in the house got up. Made easier since i was sleeping in the dining room.</p>
<p>Jym–A home visit from a PT or an OT would be a huge help. I had a woman who came a few times, I think she was an OT. She showed me how to do everything from get up off the floor by myself, to getting across the doorsill on crutches, getting in and out of the van by myself, pushing up and down stairs, etc. So many things that seemed undoable till she showed me how. It made a big difference.</p>
<p>Jym, I second the motion on the home visits (dorm visits in this case). When a PT or OT sees the actual place where the patient is living, that person can make all kinds of recommendations on the most convenient ways to accomplish things. Mine even moved small furniture around! </p>
<p>My home-visit PT did not come from the same facility where I later went for outpatient PT, though. She came from a home health care agency. Your son’s doctor’s office can probably refer him to an agency that has home visit people available. Your insurance will probably cover most of the cost. Mine did.</p>
<p>I definitely second (third, fourth?) this suggestion. Sometimes, depending on the device, having this person writing a prescription for the aid is necessary to get insurance to cover. An OT can also teach the roommates some valuable strategies for assisting and helping your S. </p>
<p>I’m sorry to hear it’s been such a rough week. I know things will settle down - to find out that even the most routine and mundane tasks take a huge effort has most likely come as somewhat of a shock to your S. He may have been expecting too much too soon. Maybe you can explain some of this to the orthopedist and ask him to kind of tell it like it is to your son regarding things like the trip (and I agree with you that the subject <em>will</em> come up again!) taking you off the hook next time. I had some foot surgery a few years ago and was on crutches for about a month. I can say that having a first floor master bedroom came in awfully handy at that time! Your S may come around to realizing that sooner or later.</p>
<p>Oh, and I’m also sorry to hear about the dog! I know how you were looking forward to that! I’m sure you are right though - it may have been for the best, since the timing is not great as it turned out.</p>
<p>BTW, I thought of your S and his injury this morning - we are in the middle of an ice storm right now (crazy weather, mid seventies day before yesterday, woke up to near 70 yesterday morning and now it’s winter again!). I went out to an appointment this morning, not realizing how icy and slippery the roads were. The parking lot was already slippery by the time I arrived, but by the time I was ready to leave our area schools had announced early dismissal and the roads were a sheet of ice. I had parked my car down a treacherous hill. With visions of broken legs, I tipped one of the guys at the place to go get my car for me. Instant valet!</p>
<p>I just spoke to my s and shared all these ideas. He first was proud to announce that he got out of bed on his own today, and that I should cancel the order for the support bar for the futon!! I politely reminded him that he might have days after physcial therapy when his leg is sore and he could benefit from the support rail. Oh, did I mention he thinks there will not be room for the toilet rails in his bathroom? (He described his toilet area as a “closet”.) Hrrrmph!! His independent streak is surfacing again! I also added some gelpad things for his crutches to my order, but he didn’t complain about them… yet . I mentioned the good ideas about having the PT come see his room. He laughed and told me that if a PT came to see his room they’d tell him to move out! I can look into arranging a home healthcare agency home PT visit, if the one from across the street cant take a little field trip with him, but I think I need to wait on that a little bit. I think I am , in his eyes, falling back into “overprotective mom” role.</p>
). I also picked a bedrail that looks like it doesnt require any assembly, but the photo they show of it includes a little old lady using it :D. Hope he has a sense of humor! If these things work, they should help reduce a little bit of the dependency he feels on others. He still needs help with the stairs, as he has his crutches and can put no weight on the leg at all for the time being, so he tries to go up and down the stairs only once a day. The other issue is that he might also have knee ligament damage-- the ortho said he wont know that for a few weeks, when the acuity of the leg injury abates a bit.</p>
. I mentioned the good ideas about having the PT come see his room. He laughed and told me that if a PT came to see his room they’d tell him to move out! I can look into arranging a home healthcare agency home PT visit, if the one from across the street cant take a little field trip with him, but I think I need to wait on that a little bit. I think I am , in his eyes, falling back into “overprotective mom” role.</p>