<p>This is really difficult. Can you have a conversation with your S that goes along the lines of: the hardest thing for young people to do is be generous and unselfish enough to let the other fly. Keep saying positive things about her; she’s a nice person and there’s not even a reason to break up with her. The more nice things you say about her, the more likely he is to listen to you about what college choices are about now for both of them. They’re at a major crossroads. </p>
<p>Tell him you feel strongly that every student should grab the very best possible career and educational opportunities as they come along. How wonderful that she got into X school; that’s to be celebrated. Be happy for her; model that. </p>
<p>What he can be asking of her in return is equal joy for him, and encouragement to him to take his best shot. After all, she’s a good, generous, unselfish person…(isn’t she? ask him that). So at this juncture, he can expect the same generosity from her towards him. </p>
<p>Stay silent on whether or not they stay b.f./g.f.; just concentrate on each one taking the best school (base it on rank if you must) for each. If you can move him to understand he should be looking for unselfishness in her right now, he will be aware of what’s happening when she tries to hold him down too hard.</p>
<p>There is no problem if they decide not to break up, keep dating all summer and into next year by long distance. Say that explicitly. This is about something else completely: that every student should always choose the best possible school that accepted them. And love (if that’s what they feel) is very generous. Teach him to see in her that she should be happy for what’s good for him, not just what she wants for herself. He’d do that, if the tables were turned, I’ll bet.</p>
<p>You can also bring out the old saw, that it’s easier for him to transfer to an easier school in a year if he still wants to. Therefore, he should start at the best possible school, since he can’t transfer in the other direction in case they break up. Statistically most h.s. romances do break up after h.s., so imagine how he’d feel if on the safety campus and they broke up; he’d be kind of trapped. Boys don’t usually like the feeling of being trapped; they relish having choices. He should do whatever keeps his options open, which in this case means: register wherever he’d be going if she weren’t in the picture. And then see what happens over the next 16 months.</p>