<p>Rockvillemom - I think we have the same son! Our school does have an online system, but it is not mandatory for teachers to use. Some do and some don’t. I have gotten to the point where I don’t check. I find the mid-term reports are a sufficient check point, and I do try to talk to my S daily about what work and tests he has coming up.</p>
<p>After much heartache, my feeling now is that there comes a time where they have to take some responbility and pride in their work. B’s are not F’s. He is satisfied with his grades. My S is smart and capable. My helicoptering at this point in his life will not help him. Instead, I believe it will only distance him from me. I have backed off this year, and so far his grades seem to have improved! Time will tell. May he’s a late bloomer!</p>
<p>Rockville, I’m not blaming my son’s public school. It is one of the best districts in NYS -but unless a kid seeks out help a kid normally won’t get any. Teachers are busy and with 25 kids in each class they aren’t going to care about a kid who is doing so-so. </p>
<p>Also, my son didn’t need help - he simply needed to do the work! At his school, if you don’t do the assigned work you get detention with the teacher that afternoon and if that means missing sport, club, the bus or your ride home - too bad for you. </p>
<p>There is also nowhere to hide in a classroom of 10 or fewer kids. </p>
<p>I am sure I would have killed him if he had stayed at his public HS. ;)</p>
<p>Imo, your son is not likely to use the services at a small college if he doesn’t use what is offered at his high school. Classes maybe small but Professors aren’t babysitters. </p>
<p>Also, thb, it doesn’t sound to me that he struggles with the course work but more that he doesn’t want to work at the level it requires to consistently maintain high grades. He does that only when he is under the gun.</p>
<p>I think the amount of babysitting at small schools varies from school to school. Some have very active first year transition programs; advisors checking in with kids and planning second semester courses. At some, an upcoming D or Fmay not draw attention, while at others a C- average will trigger a conference.</p>
<p>rockvillemom - I understand not wanting to use up the free retake right at the beginning of a quarter, but an E is an E no matter when he gets it! IMHO I think it would be better to use the retake and start off the quarter a little higher, especially since you will be working with him for the rest of the quarter, so hopefully there won’t be any more E’s. Precalc is the hardest class for my D this year, she is taking 3 A/P’s and she is not in honors precalc either. She just has no interest in this class and finds it very hard to get motivated to do work for a class she doesn’t enjoy. </p>
<p>Also, if your S doesn’t want to take any art/music/pe classes has he signed up for any of the business class offerings? I know that they have accounting, marketing, law, etc. I think that those would be great classes for him, since he wants to get a business degree. This way, they would be classes he was interested in and would hopefully be more motivated in those classes. Plus, it would be a small taste of what his college classes will be. </p>
<p>I am going to try to be hands off for now. D says she can handle everything without me nagging her. It just drives me crazy to see her watching a show on her computer when I know she has something due the next day and it’s not done yet. Yes, she gets it done, but why not finish it and then watch the show? Hopefully, she will learn better time management before it really catches up to her…like in college!</p>
<p>“”“Imo, your son is not likely to use the services at a small college if he doesn’t use what is offered at his high school. Classes maybe small but Professors aren’t babysitters”“”. </p>
<p>I would not be so quick to assume that - Sometimes I see a completely different attitude once a student gets beyond high school. Often in HS they think “I don’t need help”, “the teacher is just being picky”, “only the nerds / teachers pets ask for help”… Then in college (especially colleges that emphasize writing across the curriculum) students get the message that this is important and “EVERYONE” uses the writing centers to improve the quality of what they turn in, and to learn new skills. Learning how to write a peer-reviewed research paper becomes a talent you need to acquire not a skill you should have learned in middle school and without that stigma most students seek out the resources available to help them express their unique ideas.</p>
<p>Also: Writing centers are professional resource centers, and free up Professors to have interesting discussions with interested students… It’s a “higher level of available resources” not a “Professors as babysitters” comparison…</p>
<p>Mdmomfromli- words out of my mouth! My d always manages to pull through but her time management skills are horrible … Unfortunately my dh is the same way. He is very bright, but failed courses in college he wasn’t interested in. Had to go back as an adult to finish his degree. Then went on to grad school where he was more motivated but still had trouble managing his time. I am glad d will be away from school and I won’t know what tests or papers she is procrastinating working on while instead watching tv etc !</p>
<p>I think S2’s issue is partly a lack of motivation (which I don’t get) and just his general laid back attitude towards life. When I push him - the grades go up. I believe that positive rewards are better than punishments - so I would rather find some way to give him an incentive plan to keep his grades up - but he has not been interested. I guess the main incentive that I can offer him is that if he keeps his grades at a B or better - I will back off. I am very, very tired of this situation - but I don’t feel that this is the time to let him sink or swim.</p>
<p>mdmom - I was thinking about the marketing and law classes - but those will generate some homework - and projects - I was hoping to convince him to take at least one class that will have no homework whatsoever. But if he disagrees, than I guess marketing and/or law would be good choices for courses 6 and 7.</p>
<p>yabeyabe - hopefully he will mature - but the more I watch how he works and his erratic grades - I think he needs support freshman year. I am going to pay much more attention to that issue and what the schools we are considering have to offer.</p>
<p>Rockville, I tried incentives, too, even going so far as to do something I swore I would never do - pay him for good grades. Didn’t work either. </p>
<p>I did the backing off thing, the checking every day thing, rewards, punishments… you name it, we tried it.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Ask your GC which classes do not generate homework. Yes, there are some classes like that partiuclarly in the Technology cluster (computer based classes), etc. </p></li>
<li><p>Take one of the classes Pass/not pass.</p></li>
<li><p>My attitude is I want my kid in a college with kids similar to him academically. If your son is more laid back, then he needs a college with a similar vibe. You can inquire about supports beyond the Writing Center on college visits.</p></li>
<li><p>Too many teens spend too much time with texting, internet, not enough sleep. Not saying this is the case in your house, but parents can have some control over making sure healthy breakfast is on the table, everyone sits down to dinner together for pleasant conversation, etc.</p></li>
<li><p>Remember, your relationship with your son is far more important than grades. Parents are there to encourage. If you are very concerned, hire a tutor at home. Much better to hire a tutor at home that will take care of the issues and provide 1:1 support. Tutors are not cheap, but worth it if this will provide academic support, help your kid to get the grades and merit scholarships.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>mdcissp - I agree with you 110% that my relationship with my son is far more important than his grades. I am making every effort to stay calm - not freak out - not bug him nightly, etc. That’s why I come here to vent!</p>
<p>rodney - I agree completely. I appreciate the support, the suggestions and most of all - people willing to listen and sympathize.</p>
<p>I went through a very lonely process with S1. None of my close friends had a senior that year - most have younger kids. When we experienced difficulties - I really had no one to listen to me vent and complain. And when we had good news - family and friends were happy for us - but because they had not really “been there” for the entire arduous journey - it just wasn’t quite the same. I appreciate the sense of community here - this is my village.</p>
<p>I’d like to add my experience on some of the things you are talking about:</p>
<p>My D had poor time management skills in HS. She always got her homework done - eventually (I was not in favor of the English teacher who said you can email it to me before midnight tonight - when it was due in class that day - that didn’t help). She did well in each quarter but in every year since middle school, her mid-term and final exam grades were not good. None of the teachers knew what to tell me. I always told D to study more. She said “I know the material” and would get a C. I wasn’t even looking for 90’s. I would tell her to keep studying so she would get in the 80’s. SO FRUSTRASTING. I do not believe she worked up to her ability in HS (and I did a lot of the things you are talking about here - threatening, taking away computer time, etc.), but I finally said, well, I already went to a good college, this is up to you. Taking her to visit colleges - where someone else (an admissions person) would tell her that grades matter - helped a little. Still, she could have studied so much more for SATs and ACTs. That just wasn’t her.</p>
<p>Fast forward to now - freshman year in college. She’s in the right place. Her scores are right on the average for our Naviance. She is happy. She is not the type who would I think would have fit in at a reach school because I don’t know if she would have been willing to work hard enough to keep up.</p>
<p>However, I do see a big difference in her work habits and her studying (H and I read her the riot act with the bucks we are shelling out). She cares more, apparently, so she is studying SO MUCH MORE. Is taking tests more seriously. Is listening when people give her study tips (granted it’s not coming from me, so it carries more weight). Her attitude is SO MUCH different. I can’t believe it.</p>
<p>It’s so hard when you are an over-achieving parent. Plus, you want the best for your kid. Especially when you are so sure they are capable (just not willing). But in the end, there is a college for everyone and you definitely don’t want to ruin your relationship with your S/D.</p>
<p>Now, I am encouraging my D to pick a major that she likes and will do well in. She’s not a good test-taker so focus on the writing. She has FINALLY learned this. We’ve had so many great conversations lately about her direction. I am so proud of her (and counting the days till Thanksgiving break!).</p>
<p>LINYMOM: Thanks for sharing your daughter’s story. It sounds like she’s really thriving in college. </p>
<p>You make a very good point about reach schools. My daughter has always been the kind of student who who preferred to take the easier course and get the “A”. My husband and I were not always happy with her choices, but we felt that it was her choice to make. When we visited colleges last year, she finally realized that she needed to “step it up” and is taking 3 AP courses this year. She actually enjoys school more this year because her classes are more challenging. She is applying to good schools that are mostly match or safety schools. I think that she will do better at one of these schools than a reach school. </p>
<p>I also want to thank all of you for the support. I’m really edgy right now waiting for those envelopes and it helps to have a place to go and obsess.</p>
<p>My D applied to 9 schools: 7 acceptances, one deferral and one waitlist. My S, who is three years YOUNGER than her told me that he didn’t think she tried for hard enough schools. They are each so different…</p>
<p>Peace of Mind letter came today…so relieved. My S only applied to 3 schools and I’ve been fretting over where else he should apply RD if none of them work out. Happy Day!</p>
<p>He really didn’t have a true safety (that’s what has had me nervous) because he figured he could apply to an easier school to get into RD if he needed too. He’s my A student, though, so this school (Purdue Engineering) was a pretty safe match.</p>
<p>Fabulous - congratulations! And it’s wonderful that he felt he only needed to apply to 3 schools - it’s like a nuclear arms race with everyone seemingly applying to more and more schools every year.</p>