Update: My counselor altogether denies the existence of dyscalculia, so his only advice was to just “take the classes as many times as it takes to pass” (which is ridiculous on at least three levels: a) the longer I fail math, the more years I tack onto my projected transfer date, b) you’re only allowed to take a class 3 times before they decide you’re done, and c) FAFSA stops after 3 years, finished or not.). Why would I subject myself to that stupidity?
But my high school grades are absolute crap (I asked to take a fifth year back when I was a junior; I begged for it, actually. Five of my family members died, I was sexually assaulted, forced out of my childhood home because of finances, became estranged from my father, and was physically assaulted by my scout leader for acting like “a bratty teenager” (oh, and the BSA didn’t punish her at all). Yeah, I actually didn’t speak throughout most of the year, and I often got physically ill because I was dealing with some really severe symptoms of anxiety (I was diagnosed with anxiety, but never proper PTSD, though that’s very similar to what the symptoms were). And I had almost died from Pneumonia a few months before. Umm… naturally, I bombed every class I took that year. I think most people figured I was just lazy, as there’s not a lot of room to talk about that sort of thing on apps for public universities (the CSU system doesn’t have any kind of essay or personal statement).
So… I definitely can’t rely on my high school grades to get into school. But when someone sees the 0.67 gpa from junior year, next to the 4.0 gpa and the denotation that I’m on the dean’s list, I hope it shows through that I am not an idiot, a screwup, or lazy. I hope it says something about the kind of person I truly am. I dealt with what was in front of me, with the only coping mechanisms I knew at age 16, and I nearly took my life three times that year, but I’m still here! More to the point (about the kind of person I am) I’M still here. None of that stuff owns me or dictates what I do with my life.
This got long, sorry. I’ve been working on novel stuff, so the words are flowing!