<p>I understand your concerns but, our experience (son at Emory and daughter at Yale) is that you need to refocus. There is a big difference between “lots of communication” and “telling her what to do because you don’t think she can handle it on her own”. It’s great to talk with her (that means a mandatory 50% listening!) about politics, what friends are doing, what’s going on at home, her new friends, what she likes and doesn’t like about classes, etc. As soon as you hear yourself use a phrase such as “you really should . . .” then stop . . . that’s not communicating, that’s telling her what to do. She will never find “her way” if you step in to “help her”. Sure you can offer advice, but do it as gingerly as you’d do with a friend at work. The reason she misplaces the notebook today is because she has never had to keep track of it in the past! There will likely be some separation friction in the process but in the long run, you’ll both be much happier. As a footnote, however much she might think it was “helping”, how would you feel if she spent an hour or two a day telling you how to behave at work or develop your parenting skills? If it makes you feel any better . . . you’re not breaking any new ground here! We’ve all been in your spot at one time or another. It sounds like you know a paradigm shift is needed but aren’t comfortable with the change just yet. You’ll both be okay.</p>
<p>D1 has finished her first year. Communication was primarily texting, usually initiated by her. But once the pattern of our texting was established, I was less concerned about waiting for her to initiate. And texts were usually brief, and specific to something, like something interesting she had done in class, or a photo of something she thought I would be interested in, and vice versa. It was great for me, because it was casual and often enough that she didn’t feel so far away. And probably good for her because it didn’t involve any time commitment. Phone calls happened when she was really upset or really happy/excited.</p>