<p>14,600 and I am just gonna copy
it is one of the booklet from McSweeney’s box set that I got for friend’s birthday three weeks before mine, with note
" re-gift me when you are done. I will then give back to you for keeps"
[Amazon.com:</a> McSweeney’s Issue 4 (McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern) (9781934781920): Dave Eggers: Books](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/McSweeneys-Issue-Quarterly-Concern/dp/1934781924]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/McSweeneys-Issue-Quarterly-Concern/dp/1934781924)</p>
<p>THREE PICTURE DEAL
by
JASON EATON
(bears’ note: here under the title and the author’s name are old fashioned small drawings of calipers. two different kinds. every story has little pictures like these, seemingly unrelated to writng but who knows. I am still only at first booklet but! already in daze. sooooo good.)</p>
<p>To: Jim Pinky
From: Todd Zucker
Re: Three Picture Deal
Date: 5/15/99</p>
<p>Jim, I’d like to start off by saying how thrilled we all are here at Auteur Productions. I, myself, am a longtime fan and admirer of your work. Your latest picture, Nude in Chair (Italics) was, frankly, nothing short of genius. Even with a limited budget, you managed to capture the essence of the moment using only acrylic and canvas. It was sensuous and sensual at the same time, and a truly revolutionary piece.</p>
<p>Now, I know that you’ve been an independent artist for a long time. But a studio picture is exactly what you need. As much as the critics loved Nude in Chair, it didn’t really bring in much of an audience, did t? Believe me, I saw exactly what you were trying to do with the picture, but to the average viewer, if a picture is called Nude in Chair, they expect to see some nudity. Or a chair. Your picture had neither. But that’s art to you.</p>
<p>As far as the three picture deal goes- and I want you to know how rare this is, we only do this for the most respected and talented artists - the three pictures are entirely at your discretion. Now, I’m sure you have a gazillion ideas of your own, and I’d love to discuss all of them with you at some point in the very near future, but should you be interested, we have a slew of in-house projects that we have been developing right here at Auteur Productions. We feel that it would be best to start you off with a project that shows you’re not to highbrow to appeal to the average person. I’m thinking still life. We currently have two still life projects in development: Bowl of Fruit, (Italics) and Blocks and Cubes. I have to admit, I’m bit more inclined to push Bowl of Fruit, as the second project was originally pitched as a low budget, black and white picture - you’re beyond that,my friend. For you, here on out: color.</p>
<p>Now, I’m sure you’re sitting there reading this and thinking how trite and predictable studio pictures are. But hear me out on Bowl of Fruit. First, picture the canvas. On the bottom of the canvas is a bowl. Just plain, ordinary, use-around-the-house-everyday bowl. The kind of bowl everyone can relate to. But wait! What’s that above it? A banana? And not just ordinary banana, a slightly rotten banana (notice, the antagonism occurs early on). But what’s this? More fruit? Why, it’s a veritable cornucopia of fruit. There’s an orange (we’ll be seeing more of him later, I can promise you), a pear (not yet cast, but probably either a deep green or an off-yellow to balance the banana), and way over at the far right corner, secluded from all the other fruit, alone and isolated, sits a single red grape (think unknown grape here- a starmaking role). What’s the significance of this grape? Why must she be segregated from the other produce? There’s so much here, that I’m at a loss to think of it all. This picture will be huge, Jim. Bigger than any still life before it. Think Anselm Keifer-size. But no dreary German angst here. This picture has conflict, tension, everything, and sure, the picture is still, but remember, the emphasis is on life!(Italics)</p>
<p>For our second picture, we have a project here that we’ve been working on for a while. In the last three years, we’ve gone through five sketch artists, and not one of them has been able to bring out the natural magic that I know is there. It’s called Lake Pleasant, circa 1919.(Italics) Lovely title, isn’t it? It’s an adaptation of an old photograph taken by unknown hiker in 1919.</p>
<p>The setting is Casco, Maine. the year is 1919. Center canvas sits the austere Lake Pleasant. Sunlight dances majestically off its melodious, almost hypnotic ripples. On the left - trees. On the right - trees. Trees everywhere. A lone wave crashes lightly upon the shore. A seagull dips into the water in search of a fish (my suggestion) But what’s this? In the far distance something is visible. It’s a boat. A rowboat. And who’s in it? Well, we can’t tell, because it’s in the far distance. It could be a lost love, rowing off into the horizon. it could be the artist’s father, returning home from the war in Belgium. Will we ever know? Perhaps in the sequel. This is the kind of picture that enchants young and old alike. </p>
<p>Now, the only catch here is that I’ve gotten word that GoldFrame Productions is about to start production on a picture called Lake Superior(Italics). I’m not exactly sure what the details are, but from what it sounds like there will definitely be a large lake in it, and most likely some trees as well. So if we’re going to do Lake Pleasant, you should realize that it will, in all likelihood, not be the only body-of-water picture out there. But I have no doubt that yours would blow theirs out of the… well, anyway.</p>
<p>As for the last project, well, this is the big surprise I’ve been waiting to tell you about. Okay, brace yourself. Are you braced? Okay: remake… of Guernica! Think about it. It’s a classic - everyone loves good war picture - and frankly, it’s high time someone remade it. And who’s more qualified to remake this masterpiece than you? I’d like to see you put your own vision to it.</p>
<p>Now, again, I’m sure you’ve got all those personal visions in mind, but we’ve been developing a few personal visions for you right here at Auteur. the first is a kind of departure from the norm. Those little 3-D art posters are extremely popular nowadays. Well, why not capitalize on that? Guernica, 3-D! “In your face and coming right at ya!” Not only that, but the tie-ins would be phenomenal. I’m thinking Guernica, 3-D! cups at Taco Bell, at the very least. Can you make that funny Chihuahua one of the villagers? Just think about it.</p>
<p>Another way that we were thinking is sort of Kurt Vonnegut meets Bob Ross, with a touch of “Star Trek.” What’s unique way to illustrate the preposterousness of war on Earth? Show war on another planet. I see a slew of intergalactic cubist characters, warped and twisted by agony of the Intergalactic Death Ray. They are simultaneously pleading and crying out to the heavens to end this horrific intergalactic war, which has ravaged their home planet of Triton-X, and massacred half their pods. It’s a universal message that becomes much more universal when set somewhere else in the universe. Of course, the only problem here is that with the recent backlash, many galleries are refusing to carry pictures that are strong in violent content. So we were thinking that most of the violence could happen off canvas.</p>
<p>Well, these are just some humble ideas from a simple production executive. I don’t make any pretense of being an artist. that’s your job. You are an artist, and I respect that. Which is why I look forward to working with you on every aspect of this picture, from the very first stroke to the final hanging.</p>