Just chiming in about why I found the article truly offensive. I agree with other’s comments that he trivializes real problems, but the thing that most irks me is the entitlement. He needs these things because that is who he is. To me this is a great insult to all of us that economize and compromise. Clearly, we just aren’t as special, and we ARE homes in mediocre neighborhoods, and state schools. I leave him to his specialness, but he has no right to any sympathy from more ordinary folks.
Also, about offering solutions… no he needn’t offer any. But the whole article is about the plight of the middle class. He obviously believes that it’s a systemic problem, as well as a problem with extortionist schools. Far from offering any type of suggestion, he is entirely blind to his major role in causing his problems. If it was an article about overcoming one’s own financial mistakes, a la Suzy Orman, I’d have more sympathy. But that isn’t where he is heading.
I believe there are systemic economic problems in this country.
And I believe elite colleges cost way too much. They cost proportionally much more of a family’s income today than a generation ago.
If we believe individuals are totally responsible for their own destinies, then we don’t have to feel bad for anyone who is in desperate straits. If it is a societal problem, then we are responsible in some way.
^Yes. There are grave systemic economic problems in this country.
And that’s why I hate this article. Because it’s undermining the recognition of them. To be honest, I think he’s actually hurting the actual middle class in peril. Which is why I can’t sympathize with his plight. He’s using the actual struggling class as camouflage. I think that’s sort of morally bankrupt.
It’s articles like this that represent the hugely polarizing problem in wealth inequality.
From the viewpoint of the rich, they see that they’ve earned their wealth by being financially literate and sound. While this is true to an extent, the fact is that they have parents/friends who are financially literate and educate them to be the same way, thus preserving and even growing wealth.
By contrast, for the middle class and lower class, neither group has the financially literate resources near them in terms of network or local area. As such, they have problems managing their own money and struggle. The subsequent debt only weighs them down further as they attempt to learn to manage it. Then the media comes in a proclaims that “School X” is a golden key to success because of its famous alumni. In reality, these famous alumni weren’t successful solely because they attended this school, but because of their prior upbringing which prepared them to maximize their potential in it.
Are you saying his plight is due to economic problems in this country? Can you think of any country where he won’t have problems without changing his ways?
There’s a lot of talking in our modern society about cultural appropriation. What Gabler is doing is “socioeconomic appropriation”. He’s spinning his story to fit in with the messages and angst that are out there right now and being drummed up by a couple political candidates. Gabler is trying to ride that wave and trying to capitalize on it by telling his story, by trying to sell it as a middle class story. It’s not his story to tell and his anecdotes detract from the message, as many of us have been pointing out. His own story might have been an actual helpful learning lesson in another context if it focused on living within one’s means and saving for a rainy day.
If he’s doing this in an attempt to earn more than a few thousand dollars on the immediate story, I can’t help but think it might backfire on him. The articles that have been written by others who have been critical (National Memo, Slate, etc) are obviously written by other journalists and writers, those who face the same unstable income stream. They seem to not have much sympathy.
I don’t think he’s brave in telling his story nor do I believe he did it with helpful intentions. I think he’s opportunistic and self focused. And in his efforts to seek media attention by telling his financial woes he undermines his family’s privacy and wellbeing. How can this be helpful to his grown daughters who have all their details out there in the public eye? He’s a writer. He should know its all out there on the internet and won’t be going away. To me, its a selfish move and is as delusional as some of the lifestyle and financial decisions he’s made along the way. IMO this is just his latest move in a string of poorly thought out decisions.
I wish I could be more generous of heart and spirit as @dstark is being. Usually I am, but he is hurting others with his moves and that drains away my sympathies.
I think there’s a story there he could have told and been more sympathetic. It would be about how most Americans get little or no financial education and don’t realize they need it until it’s too late. It would be about how we’ve been seduced by our peers and TV to think that average middle class people have luxury homes and cars. We run around in circles where a five figure wedding is normal. (I’m pretty sure every student that got married in dh’s lab paid that much for their weddings. (They, every last one of them had a fancier wedding that we did, and ours was fancier than most of our friends’ weddings.) Then I might feel a little sorrier about him being a financial nincompoop. But as I said before, the thing that really, really got me, is that he’s still making decisions from the same place. I can’t see that he’s actually learned a thing. Not really.
Alh, I don’t deny there are systemic problems. But as I think garland and iglooo noted, that isn’t what caused NG’s problems. Nor am I suggesting everyone follow sound financial advice, but don’t whine about it when you live over your means and blame the system. NG never valued financial security when making his decisions, so, surprise, he doesn’t have it.
This may be a rehash, but there are any number of people I know who are struggling who would make way better examples of true middle class plight. Like my high-level professional coworker in his 30s who is living in a studio in our expensive area and cannot envision a future where he can own property or raise a family - particularly since daycare costs and college costs are not that far apart. If NG’s situation were really the plight of the middle class, I wouldn’t be that concerned. But there is real cause for concern.
I’ve read through many of the posts. I don’t see his problems as typically middle class. He spent money he didn’t have while leading an upper middle class lifestyle without the income to do so. We have certainly had difficult times when my husband was unemployed but I have always worked and we had income and health insurance. We have advised our kids to live below their means and we walk the walk. You give things up to be a stay at home mom. Here are just a few things he could have done/still do to help himself and I would recommend these for everyone:
Pay yourself first. Contribute to your retirement fund through work if possible and for goodness sake don’t leave a match on the table (yes, I know many people who do) and if you are self-employed you can still contribute to a Roth IRA or a retirement account. If you never spend/see that money you do not miss it. Parents should explain the magic of compound interest and how funds invested starting with the first job grow substantially over a 30 plus year career. Our oldest started contributing to his retirement account with his very first job a couple of years ago.
Unless you are very wealthy, do not buy one home without selling the other. Private school is a choice - and can be an expensive one, but so is carrying two mortgages when you can only afford one.
As many on CC would advise, his daughters could have applied to a range of schools and gone for less prestige and more money so that their parents could retire!
Basic financial responsibility should be taught in the schools because families are not teaching their kids to be responsible financially. It could be a class like a guidance seminar or health that is small in credits but mandatory for graduation. Every teen should learn how to make a budget and stick to it, learn about credit card debt, and also about being responsible for school loans that generally can not be discharged! and the responsibility of a mortgage. I agree with so many of the comments but we as a society have to end the entitlement mentality. It is not easy, but very necessary.
@Pizzagirl , you are remarkably candid in your posts. I really admire that. I’m not quite there yet, but I fear my father is on his way to doing to me what your mother has done to you.
It sucks. I’ve worked hard, so I make money and can provide things to my family. But I’ve sacrificed and I’ve lived reasonably. My father worked hard, but he did not sacrifice nor has he lived reasonably. I didn’t take my first trip to Europe until my mid-40s, and I’ve been twice. He’s been more times than I can count (like, really, more times than I can count), and is THERE RIGHT NOW!!! I’ve never been on a cruise (not really interested either), he seems to be on one every other month.
He told me he would pay for me to go to school anywhere, “Just get it” he would say. I did get in. I got into Stanford, long before the days that they paid for anyone who could show they needed it, and because of him, I probably couldn’t have shown it anyway. I had to go on scholarships, which were more available back then, and borrow the rest. Same with law school.
And to think, this SOB will likely land on my doorstep one day. And, of course, I will have to do the right thing.
His problems are pretty similar to middle class problems, just on a higher level. You can find people living on middle class wages and keeping it together by keeping their spending and lifestyle on a very tight budget. Those people are almost invisible and hard to find because they aren’t spending much. And you can find people with that same income who are participating more in the consumer frenzy, and getting in trouble with credit and debt.
If you look at the stories of people who end up owing hundreds of dollars in traffic court, you don’t know whether to scream at them or cry for them, and might do both. Why were you speeding down that same road 3 times? Why didn’t you come to court and try to work something out? In most cases, you can go through their decisions just as you can go through Gabler’s, and point out where they had the opportunity to avoid catastrophe, and they passed it up multiple times. And then it all falls apart.
Gabler is failing at life skills on a higher level, but the habitual behaviors are the same. Which tells me that intellect and education aren’t enough to stay out of trouble. What is? Well for me, it’s fear of failure. If you promise to keep propping me up so that I can’t possibly fail, I’ll live a riskier life. Since you won’t, I’m pretty darn cautious.
@dstark never misses a chance to stand up for the little guy when “the man” is doing his man thing:) But in this case the only reasonable facsimile for the man is the publisher that sued Gabler for work he got paid for but didn’t do. That doesn’t engender much sympathy. I’m still shocked how someone of his age could consistently make such bad decisions. He’s old enough to have gone through several boom and bust cycles and should know that good times don’t last forever. It’s one thing to screw up in your 20s or 30s when you have time to work your way out of those mistakes but isn’t there a time somewhere in your 50s or 60s where you start to think about the fact that you don’t have time to fix your mistakes anymore and you have to start dealing with your problems.
@almostdonemom 38 years ago, in 1978, my dad encouraged me to open an IRA. ERISA had established the deductibility of contributions just 4 years before. I said, “Dad, I’m not interested.” He said, “If you put in $200, I’ll put in another $200 for you.” All of a sudden I got interested.
38 years later that money is still there, although it has grown many times over, and has been added to considerably from a lifetime of jobs. That push from him, and the example he set, made a huge difference.
I think the story is the disconnect between his resume and his income/finances. One would thing that a man of his significant accomplishments would be a high earner and financially secure.
“Yes, I don’t recall a time when I’ve been on the opposite side of posters I admire so much. I’m really trying to reconsider my position, and then @garland snaps me back into reality. Oh well, I tried.”
But why is it surprising to agree with people you normally don’t, and disagree with people you normally do? Nobody here is a cookie cutter Stepford wife, we all have differing opinions on something.
Some of us, of course, are generally right more often than others.
@dstark. I’ll answer anyway. I do and I don’t agree with some of the things that he said on “On Point.” He’s probably technically correct that moving from Brooklyn to the Hamptons was cheaper, for example. But it didn’t save him nearly as much as he needed to save. He needed to move to Levittown or Hauppauge. As has been pointed out, he is slippery with his facts, and chooses to emphasize those that seem to support his position while minimizing those which are inconvenient (such as living in a $700,000 house on 1.5 acres in the Hamptons). Maybe he should have been a lawyer instead.
